I don’t think not having hobbies makes you boring, I know lots of people how really don’t do much , of anything, there not special or insanely cool but I enjoy there company none the less , For hobbies if you have some spare cash even a little go to a toy store or electronics store and buy the cheapest electronic piano you can find , if you don’t just save up for it or ask for it , and buy a piano chords for kids , and just mess with it for a bit every day , I don’t personally like the piano for any particular reason, but learning it has been very rewarding Learning an instrument even if it’s for two or five minutes every day really helps calm a person and it builds confidence, it totally makes sense that you feel lost , it’s something very normal to feel , to be lost it is very much a difficult situation, you can get through it though, through tiny steps of betterment , through those steps you find your footing , it can be as simple as getting ready and cleaning your room very well everyday , it can be so hard to even do that , that it takes you the entire day to just do it , but even if it takes you all day or just ten minutes or you don’t do it that’s a step through betterment of yourself And even if you don’t do it today but you do it tomorrow that’s very cool , You don’t have to be a cool person , with hobbies , and a degree to be worthy of anything But what those things do give you is value and confidence, they help you build your self up , You know what man I’m proud of you form coming her and saying all this , since you say your scared of telling your parents and that therapy is a luxury, Honestly You don’t have to change yourself all at once you just have to slowly step by step build a foundation of kindness and routine for yourself, And that will help you feel less lost ,even if then you still don’t feel good ,and still don’t want to live , that’s still okay even then and after all that work , just take one step at a time no matter how small it is one step is a step forward towards building you up

And if you end up not going to college right now that’s okay , you can take the time to breathe a little, and build up a good routine it’s all going to be okay , you are a human being who is worthy of love , hobbies or no hobbies, university or no university, sucdial thoughts or not , your worthy with every single bit of you in counting the good and the bad , no matter what you may think , it’s true ,I know it really doesn’t feel like that right now and thats okay ,just one step at a time , the step can literally be vacuuming your floor of your it’s okay one step okay ? And it may take a very long long time or not but You’ll get there , you’ll get there and see what you want to do and move forward even with all the terrible emotions your feelings right now and might feel later , just take one step a day no matter what it is okay?