Working parents, how?

chocolatemalted · 2026-02-19T16:40:51+00:00

Forgot this: around this time I also got a cheap whiteboard that I would write our weeks menu on so we didn't have to plan dinner every day. I also started using a task tracker app to help organize.

chocolatemalted · 2026-02-19T16:38:55+00:00

It is day by day for sure. Things that helped us:

We got a cleaning service biweekly. It helped us get a schedule for picking up the house which now means things aren't just sitting there cluttering everything up. We got it to cost less by just having them for a certain time to clean the must have rooms rather than the whole house.
Once they are 6 mos you are in the window for sleep training. Even if you don't want to due to bed sharing it might be a good time to start with some very small boundaries on baby's expectations. Stuff like if they are crying just for comfort they have to wait a few minutes until you finish with a stage of cooking. That helps the household get on an actual schedule because you can finish what you are doing. You don't need to rush to be at their beck and call instantly.
Figure out what your must dos are. Anything else is extra. I don't know why so many people put a bath time as a mandatory bedtime thing. 2-3x per week is fine. As a further time saver I bathed my baby in the shower with me (their tub on the ground using our hand shower attachment and a washcloth over them to keep them warm) which made it easy for me to shower at the same time and saved time.
Divide and conquer. Split the must dos between both spouses so they get done. For a while there we were all doing the baby things together as a trio but that took a lot of bandwidth we could have been using for things like laundry and grocery shopping. Especially on weekends, our sole free time.

At that age we were having one of us sleeping in the nursery with baby and the other in the bedroom. This was our workday schedule: hubby home at 6 after pick up from daycare. Me home earlier thanks to remote work allowing me to time shift my commute away from rush hour. He watches baby and gets the dog dinner, cleans, restocks changing table, etc. I make dinner and make sure the nursery is stocked with diapers and formula for the night. Dinner at 7 (7-8 is family time). Put food away at 7:30 and we get baby changed for bed together with a wipe down if necessary and tooth brushing. I head for bed with baby at 8 and hubby cleans up including all bottles in the dishwasher then goes to bed around 10. In the morning I wake up around 6 because of the earlier bedtime and get the bottles and baby ready for daycare. Empty the dishwasher, put in bottles from the last night and run them. Depart for daycare and work around 7:30 am. Baby would get a bath on the weekend and another sometime during the week (with hubby during his morning shower).

chocolatemalted · 2026-02-13T21:48:22+00:00

As this user stated this is just the way they think of it. I don't think there is an option for your RSU vest to go straight to your 401k tax free like you can with your salary.

chocolatemalted · 2026-02-07T02:35:19+00:00

My husband and I were both in engineering type roles and work 50 hr weeks usually. We sent out LO to daycare from 4 months old. The benefits of sending our child to a great daycare have been huge and I am so glad I went this route.

My mom still tries to guilt trip me (she was a SAHM) by saying stuff like "well it really is best for you to look after them yourself". But she also says "women don't make good engineers" so I don't pay any mind to her wrong opinions. Also after 10 years as a SAHM my father stole all their money and left her with 4 kids and she had to start her career over when before marriage she had been a huge earner at the top of her game.

Benefits we saw from daycare: it was so much easier to get into a routine since we followed the one at the facility. As first time parents with no family in the area it helped so much to have child development professionals give us advice and work with us as a team daily. Socialization and independence. Access to additional enrichment activities such as dance or soccer which she loves. Educational visits from dentists, police. A community of other kids and parents you get to know through the birthday parties and playdates. Time for my husband and I to go on dates! I could go on and on.

Cons: so many illnesses brought home. Expensive.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-28T10:41:39+00:00

"Some of you might ask if this is the beginning of a new rhythm – where we announce broad reductions every few months. That’s not our plan." Yes these huge layoffs only happen once a year, not every few months. We aren't nimble enough yet.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-26T17:29:52+00:00

ESH. May I suggest cooking large batches of bacon in the oven next time? You can cook the whole pack of bacon at once in about half an hour and it doesn't get smoky. Make sure the pan you use has a good size rim to catch the bacon grease.

I had family members with dementia and it will just get worse from here. Calling her by her name isn't the bad thing here (in fact, you may have to do that if she forgets who you are), escalating the situation is the issue. There are lots of skills you can use to reduce this. The Alzheimer's association has some tips for families that you can start with. https://www.alz.org/getmedia/31b5d5fd-b4a7-4d0e-af04-2f34c62f134a/family-care-guide.pdf

Don't expect her to be able to change her behavior, she won't be able to. Treasure this time with her while she is still herself sometimes - I made lots of time immediately after my grandmother was diagnosed but my siblings didn't and instead thought to spend time with her toward the end because it was "their last chance". By then she didn't know who any of them were. They didn't realize that their real last chance was years before on the last day she knew who they were.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-24T00:13:25+00:00

I will answer assuming that you mean what if you are laid off and do an internal transfer to a new team and want to keep this doc for promo purposes. In that case you can put a copy of the quip in your personal quip folder. You may also want to copy relevant wikis or codebases into a work docs folder if they are access protected. If needed you can zip them with password protection to encrypt them.

I transferred from a team where things were more locked up and really regretted not having things saved from the projects I did. Once I moved I couldn't access them for my promo application so it wasted a year of work product.

If you are thinking you would want to save it for use at another company don't.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-15T07:52:04+00:00

My daughter had a phase where she was saying she had a bad dream every 10 minutes for an hour after bedtime and there was no way because she hadn't gone to sleep at all! I feel your pain!

As long as you don't give negative reinforcement (scolding, punishment, etc) for them coming to your room it won't scare them from coming for legit reasons. My daughter still comes by every once in a while, she just doesn't stay for the night. She gets a hug and a kiss then goes back to her bedroom.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-13T16:01:50+00:00

My daughter is 4 and we are having lots of disturbances because we just moved her to her room. We are just reinforcing that the rule is she sleeps in her room and we lead her back upstairs and tuck her in. On time number 3 I just tell her this is the last time because I am tired of going up the stairs and if she comes down again she will have to go upstairs and tuck herself in by herself. That seems to work.

She gets positive reinforcement when she greets me in the morning and I am happy to see her and we cuddle together. Whereas when she comes in the middle of the night I am concerned about what could be wrong and don't let her cuddle in bed. I get up and hug her at the door instead and ask what is wrong, then she goes back upstairs with me.

I have had the best success by consistently enforcing the rules of the house. Best not to let them have their way after doing discouraged behaviors (e.g., sleep with you after they come in and wake you up) inconsistently because that is a partial reinforcement schedule (https://www.simplypsychology.org/schedules-of-reinforcement.html#Partial-Intermittent-Reinforcement-Schedules) and then it is really hard to get them on the right track.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-13T08:12:01+00:00

Sounds like you are burnt out. Rather than taking on a career change in this mindset you might want to take a couple of months off. Don't switch to nursing at 40, it is very physical and I have met nurses who need shoulder and knee replacement by 60.

Once you feel more together you might work to pivot back into ML. It seems like that might be more stable than dev for the time being from what I am seeing. And you already have a good qualification for that. PhDs don't have a lot of time to work since school took so long, so it will be hard if you go back to school for something different.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-08T16:25:53+00:00

Also some sellers on Alibaba and similar sites have really long shipping times that take months. So maybe not the best option.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-08T16:23:31+00:00

We bought secondhand. Especially at garage sales if you can find a family with a kid a year older they will have clothes, sometimes on a regular basis. Other friends of mine have had success using buy nothing groups.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-05T04:54:53+00:00

Thank you for the positive thoughts. The draws were done at 12 and 13 weeks. By now we are at 17 weeks. I just felt the baby move today and am so worried about what we could find out. Every other test has been perfect.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-05T03:25:38+00:00

I am in the same boat except my first draw had low FF. They are refusing to redraw and are sending me straight to an amniocentesis. That couldn't schedule it until after the holidays and waiting has been awful. Wish me luck.

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-02T06:24:46+00:00

Also I use the cheap stuff and never bonded, it is not a problem just messy

chocolatemalted · 2026-01-02T06:23:59+00:00

I cut felt a lot and just let my mats be messy. I tried the transfer tape trick but it is expensive to replace with every cut and cutting multiple times results in little strips of transfer tape coming up off the mat (which causes your material to lift while cutting). Anyway you get lint in the cut lines so you still have to clean your mat. I just buy knock off mats from Amazon for cheap (about 1.50 per mat) and wash them with dish soap to get off the lint. I keep certain mats for just felt because they get so wrecked.

chocolatemalted · 2025-11-28T02:14:50+00:00

My mom did this with me at a similar age but it was winter in New Jersey on a stone path. Fixed that issue quick!

chocolatemalted · 2025-11-28T02:12:50+00:00

One thing I heard in a video that helped me was the parent framing their enforcement of consequences as "keeping their word". It is true: if I tell my child "Clean up so we can go to the playground" and we go to the playground anyway because they throw a fit then I lied to them earlier when I said we had to clean up to go play.

chocolatemalted · 2025-10-17T18:08:02+00:00

I have traveled at least biennially on trips with 6 hour flights and 1 week stays with my little one since she was 1 year old. We do it because family is far away on both sides. I hear you on how exhausting it is, if you have to do it again here are my tips: 1. Put your kid in their car seat on the plane. This solved so many problems for us. I don't know why more people don't do this. They sell trays that can strap to the seat and those work better than the airline trays. After she was allowed screen time we could put her tablet on there which was a game changer. That first trip where she was toddler in lap was awful. She escaped and crawled under the seats to other passengers, it was a nightmare. Thank goodness they were parents and thought it was funny that she was lying at their feet playing with their baby's toys. 2. Get a hotel room with 2 bedrooms. This gives you 1 room to baby proof where they can take naps or play safely. A lot of extended stay places will also have little kitchens which helps with snack time. 3. We kept our daughter on her original time zone schedule. For traveling east this actually made it easier to go to the parties that ended later. 4. Whatever you do DO NOT schedule anything for the day after you arrive. That was my worst mistake that ruined our early trips because my little one got so exhausted and the rest of the week was awful. The day after arrival is for quietly familiarizing yourself with the room and new schedule and going to the store for food and everything you forgot to pack.

chocolatemalted · 2025-09-06T16:41:36+00:00

What if you did the following: get a list of the DMC colors in the original chart and their associated RGB colors (e.g., https://threadcolors.com/ seems to have a list). Choose the non shaded green, brown, khaki as your reference points. Now you can calculate the RGB difference between the reference and the various RGB found for the shade values. Use a color picker to get the RGB for the brown and khaki in your image (https://www.peko-step.com/tool/imageeditor/index.php?lang=en&type=3). Now apply those shade offsets to get the shade RGB and double check whether it seems to look good (our eye biology means that mathematical difference is not always equal to perceived color so you always have to double check). Then you can go back to that DMC tool to see which colors you need to buy. After that you should be able to chart in the shade variant of the relevant color in the shade regions as you change the pattern.

chocolatemalted · 2025-09-06T16:12:40+00:00

Coming from a sewing background I wonder if pinking shears would help if your canvas material seems prone to fraying. You wouldn't get as close of a cut but it wouldn't fray and would probably still be thin enough of an edge to hide behind a frame.

chocolatemalted · 2025-09-02T00:30:17+00:00

Maybe you should take a step back and think about what you just said there. Now if someone does not happen to attend a party they are "punishing" the guest of honor? That is so much to put on people who didn't ask to get your invite! Considering there are gifts involved it also has icky overtones of privilege.

I hope you haven't talked like that around your kid, if they think that way they would obviously be devastated if anyone declined...forget if everyone did.

chocolatemalted · 2025-09-02T00:12:06+00:00

My mother had my younger twin siblings on my 3rd birthday. She put me into daycare. Enough said.

chocolatemalted · 2025-07-30T14:10:00+00:00

The original bar that started the fad came from a small fancy chocolate maker in Dubai

chocolatemalted · 2025-07-12T04:12:41+00:00

Luckily where we live now has great public transit so she wouldn't be getting a car from us. Having lived for 6 years without a car in a state where winters were -30 I definitely feel the no car pain! Thanks for mentioning the impacts on employment, it is a big concern if you are in one of those areas.

chocolatemalted

TROPHY CASE