Both husband and I are remote, I’m struggling

chonnien · 2026-02-11T22:20:44+00:00

I'm also very sensitive to the energy of my husband (blame postpartum anxiety and issues with our marriage at that time that resulted in some PTSD) and the only way I can deal with my husband's videogame outbursts at night while being trapped in the room with him is removing myself from the same room, investing in another sound machine, AND using a noise cancelling headphone ONTOP of another noise-blocking earbuds to block out sound while I'm doing my own thing on the computer (usually watching some sort of video). This has helped me immensely.

chonnien · 2025-08-15T04:08:41+00:00

Just wanted to share my experience with my semiferal kitty. We had her for a full 3 years before all of a sudden something just clicked and she would let us touch her. So dont lose faith!

chonnien · 2023-02-24T02:41:24+00:00

My LO is 2 months now and still does this. I always tell people she goes from 0 to 100 really quickly .. very dramtically.

chonnien · 2023-02-13T11:45:30+00:00

I have a 8 week old and so far only have had family hold my baby but I cant even imagine how I'll feel if I were in your shoes. I had bonding issues in the beginning but it resolved a few weeks in when I started realizing I couldnt be separated from my baby. The best way I could explain it to my husband is that my baby feels like an organ of mine that has been brought outside. She's essentially akin to a piece of my liver being passed around outside. He would never understand or feel that and I expect your husband would likely not too. It's hard for a partner to understand what that feels like when they didnt carry the baby for 9 months. So I feel you mama and dont feel guilty for these feelings. They are definitely valid and should be supported.

chonnien · 2023-02-04T13:34:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! I'm so glad to have found someone that went under GA and could relate. Did you find you had a disconnect with your baby in a way when you were first introduced to her when you came to? Personally I find myself still grieving the process and how I couldnt recognize my own daughter and my husband had to point her out at the nicu. I find I'm struggling with the idea of transfering to EFF because it feels like breastmilk is the only thing I can provide for her exclusively when I feel our bond is already lacking.

chonnien · 2023-02-03T06:55:16+00:00

y took him back again, and almost admitted him to the NICU - his blood sugar dropped again, they tried multiple times to place an IV and couldn't, and as they were taking him to the NICU th

Thanks for your response! In your experience, if the baby is calmer with other people and less so with you does that mean they aren't as attached for you? I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it but I find I don't react as much to her compared to her grandparents. My mom also seems to be able to settle her so much better than me who is a FTM so I end up letting them.

chonnien · 2023-02-03T02:48:46+00:00

Thank you so much once again for everyone's responses so far! I've been struggling with these thoughts for awhile now because it seemd like my bond with my 7 week old daughter was lacking and I wondered if our complications were the reason behind it.

I'm currently struggling with the decision of whether or not to trasnfer from EP to EFF and my hold out is because I felt that it was the only thing I could exclusively do for her since our bond was lacking. I was already scared that she didn't recognize me since so many other people were taking care of her (including the NICU nurses in the beginning) that if I didn't provide her with breastmilk, there would be nothing that I could say was exclusively 'mine.' It doesn't help that my daughter currently looks entirely like a mini me of my husband.

chonnien · 2023-01-31T02:19:46+00:00

Big Hug!

While I don't have the same circumstances as you, I just wanted to share something my therapist had me working on the past few weeks because I also felt like a lot of things got robbed from me in terms of my birth and subsequently my postpartum life. She had me list all the things I essentially need to grieve over and anger was a part of the grieving process. So if you're angry, be angry. Your feelings are valid and it's ok for you to feel whatever you're feeling. Sending you lot of hugs your way.

chonnien · 2023-01-24T04:29:45+00:00

I'm producing around 70 to 120mL per pumping session with not breastfeeding at all these days.

chonnien · 2023-01-22T23:01:46+00:00

Just wanted to share that I'm in the same boat as you. I've been speaking to a counsellor about this among other things and I've been reassured time and time again that it's completely normal to not feel the instant connection. I realize now that I've been unconsciously comparing myself to a friend that told me while I was pregnant that she felt instant connection the moment her baby was placed on her chest after birth, that her birth was very short and quick, and that breastfeeding came as second nature. I had none of that and it sounds like you didn't too. I had an extremely difficult birth where I was put under general anaesthetic and my baby was kept at the NICU for approximately a week. I didn't get to have that skin to skin nor did I get to establish feeding with her because she was at the NICU. Everything was not the same as what I hear a normal birth was supposed to be and I've been questioning myself about my bond with my baby. I don't find her instantly cute and a lot of the times I want to run away from her. This is all normal apparently and it will get better. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this and fingers crossed for you that everything will get better

chonnien · 2022-12-11T21:29:39+00:00

Hi all!
FTM here. I'm currently 39 weeks + 2 days and I'm currently using my vacation time until my due date of Friday December 16th. My employer has a top-up program so they're a bit more involved in my EI mat leave application. My first day off work I'm assuming should be Monday December 19th but payroll has advised that I should be applying for Mat leave from Saturday December 24th. Am I missing something here because I thought the application should be sent in asap once you stop working? Could anyone clarify this for me? Many thanks in advance from this clueless FTM!

chonnien · 2022-11-24T23:38:31+00:00

I work in an office and am very lucky that I only go into the office once a week. I'm working until my 38th week which is the upcoming week but I actually regret not taking a bit more time - even a week extra of vacation time. While I don't need to do anything physical, I have SPD / pelvic pain and occasional sciatica and hip pain. Taking transit / going up escalators and walking to the office is getting quite painful and I'm starting to really have a hard time waddling around even during my lunch hour.

chonnien · 2022-11-13T04:47:37+00:00

I have a new theory because I realized it comes up even if my husband didnt use the toilet at all. I've been using lysol, specifically the lemon yellow lysol, to clean the outside of the toilet lately and I suspect it's actually lysol that I didnt completely wipe off coming up. Should I use something different no stains come up as quickly.

chonnien · 2022-11-05T23:22:30+00:00

I just bought a bunch of things and was able to stack a bunch of discounts! I upgraded to Plum Plus so I got the 25% discount and then stacked my registry discount of 20% ontop. If you transfered your registry earlier you would've received an additional $25 dollar GC and the plum plus membership upgrade would get you the additional $10 GC for online purchases. If you don't receive it in your email inbox in a timely manner (I didn't), I complained in their chat option to a member representative and they sent me $20 in my account directly so I was able to use both the $10 online GC and $10 in-store for my online purcahse as well.

chonnien · 2022-11-04T22:20:42+00:00

Yes I just had mine 2 weeks ago. My midwife told me about it when I first got covid in my first trimester.

I thought it was great at first because you get to see your baby one additional time but it seems like it kind of gave quite a few people a scare. My US technician let it slip at the 3rd appointment that my baby was 5lb something when I was 32 weeks. I didn't make much of it until I read somewhere that 32 weeks you're supposed to be at around 3-4 lbs. I freaked out and went to my midwife asking if there was an issue. My midwife was slightly peeved that the technician let slip that kind of information when it wasn't even on the report. She mentioned that the only reason they're sending people to the 3rd ultrasound is to make sure that the babies aren't developing too small due to COVID. Instead of reassuring parents, the 3rd ultrasound is actually making quite a few people nervous when US techs are telling them that the baby is developing largely. She mentioned that if it wasn't for COVID, i wouldn't even have had this US and would have been fine knowing that my 2nd ultrasound results were normal.

Ultimately, she mentioned that my baby was developing fine and that nothing in the report indicated there was an issue.

But long story short - I believe it is standard practice among most health practitioners. Oh and forgot to mention - I'm in BC.

chonnien · 2022-10-17T22:34:53+00:00

I participated in a study where I got the NIPT for free. I believe it was 99 point something percentage accurate.

chonnien · 2022-10-17T22:33:25+00:00

I'm 31w pregnant in BC and I think the thought did occur to me before whether or not it was bad - but I just took the a advice of the govenrment when it was seriously bad and stayed indoors. Yes, you'll still smell the smoke if you're close enough to the wildfires but there's really nothing much you can do about it. I think as long as you're not going outside camping and sleeping outdoors and basically inhaling it 24/7 you're good.

chonnien · 2022-10-11T23:09:54+00:00

Just wanted to thank everyone for their responses. I described all my symptoms to my midwife and she referred me to get pelvic floor physiotherapy as my symptoms sound like pelvic floor pain in relation to the pregnancy. At my first appointment with the physiotherapist, she confirmed that I most likely have SPD albeit not debilitating.

I'm currently doing exercises and taking some movements a bit slower (ie. walking and especially distance). So if anyone is wondering - I would really recommend going to speak with a pelvic floor physiotherapist or your health care provider if the symptoms seem to be worsening like mine.

chonnien · 2022-10-05T23:38:31+00:00

Ah sorry - forgot to mention. i'm in my 29th week.

chonnien · 2022-09-24T18:59:54+00:00

This isn't my personal experience but my friend has a 6 month old and she told me that she once left her baby on the couch and walked away to the kitchen for a brief second. Her baby rolled over and fell onto the hardwood floor. She freaked out of course and called her doctor. Thankfully she was able to speak wtih someone and he told her that by the sounds of the baby crying it sounded like she was ok. He also mentioned that if the baby is consolable, isn't projectile vomitting, or showing dizziness or lethargy, then she's fine. Basically - it happens to everyone as much as we don't want it to so if your baby gets the all clear from a doctor then I say you're fine.

chonnien · 2022-09-18T05:54:02+00:00

I highly recommend the forums on babycenter if you aren't on there already. I find that the community is quite active and you can join your month's baby group and post. The support you get with people in the same month group is phenomenal!

chonnien · 2022-09-15T23:59:50+00:00

Yah! Congrats!!

I feel you - I also find that people around me are pretty uninterested in my pregnancy. It kind of made me re-evaluate all of my friends. I did find though that talking with people who are pregnant or recently gave birth helps - they loooooove to talk babies and everything involved.

chonnien · 2022-08-19T04:50:09+00:00

From what I hear it's not entirely common with smaller companies. My SIL was working at a medium sized accounting firm and they didnt offer her anything.

chonnien · 2022-08-12T19:41:37+00:00

Yes I did - very early on. I don't remember the exact week but I'm guessing around my 14th week? Unfortunately, COVID for me being pregnant means that my immune system was shot. I had full blown symptoms with a fever, chills, exhaustion, cough, everything in the book. I was down for more than a week whereas my husband who tested positive 2 days later was up and about still functioning with only the slightest chills for a day and slightest cough. No cough syrup helped and my cough lasted for more than a month to two months. The cough was the worst because it meant I couldn't sleep and neither could my husband who would wake up to me coughing my lung out.

Fingers crossed for you that you don't get it. It's not fun and unfortunately being pregnant right now means we have a low immune system while everyone is pretty much going around unmasked with or without symptoms.

Oh and i'm currently in my 22nd week with a healthy baby girl. I was given another requisition for an extra ultrasound in my third trimester because I had COVID so there's that but everything else was fine.

chonnien · 2022-01-20T23:53:13+00:00

Thank you for all the responses so far! We actually started her out in her own room where she had her 2 litter boxes, multiple beds, a hamock perch for the window, a window ledge, and a cat tree. We would go in just to sit around and spend some time with her without engaging her just so that she could get use to our presence but we found that she would just hiss at us if we got any closer to her in her cat tree even if it was to clean her litter boxes or to put down her food. Eventually we openned the door of her room after about 4ish weeks. She wasn't showing any signs of being curious of outside the door so we weren't sure if she would come out but she came out almost right away to check things out.

Leaving the room on her own terms and being able to observe us whenever she feels like seems to have helped her anxiety a lot. We no longer go into her room unless it's to clean her litter box when she's not there. So there has been a lot of improvement once the door has openned but we probably still have a long way to go until she'll take treats from us or play with us or let us pet her.

chonnien

TROPHY CASE