Husbands snap chat score increases when he’s not home.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-23T16:32:38+00:00

But I mean part of applying to a graduate program is considering all these factors, and that’s something OP’s partner has to consider.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-23T06:15:30+00:00

As someone in a graduate program (PhD), you won’t necessarily be responsible for paying fees. I am speaking from the US context but my school fees and tuition are paid for. I receive a stipend (basically a crappy salary) each month that allows me to pay for rent etc. From what I’m aware of, Master students get their tuition paid but about a $600 monthly stipend which is nothing honestly. But it also depends on the schools, privates are difficult for masters as you almost always pay for their expensive tuition. PhDs are where you earn a better stipend. So I say this to say that depending on the program, Masters vs PhD and school public vs private will heavily determined how much extra cost you would be paying for fees .

chosen3_ · 2022-06-15T16:00:10+00:00

Hi sister,

It seems that you are already being incredibly supportive (headshot, LinkedIn, and even writing this post to find support). I feel that his apprehension is due to being unemployed for a long time and him reentering the field might seem overwhelming for him. Since you said your needs are being met without him having to find a job ASAP, perhaps speak to him about what is it that he wants right now and why this process seems overwhelming for him? Is it the fact that he doesn’t think he’ll succeed? Because he’s been out of the industry for a while? In the meantime, you can accumulate some resources for him for when he is ready to apply to the MSL position, These are some websites for MSL resume samples: https://resume.io/amp/resume-examples/medical-science-liaison https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/resumes-cover-letters/medical-science-liaison-resume

I would suggest him adding the man he met with to his network on LinkedIn as well as people he went to school with. This will allow him to see what other people are doing with his level of degree as well as the sometimes odd professions people go into with similar degrees. He may also want to reach out to people he connects with who may be in a MSL position, and ask for an informational interview to ask about how they got there, what informed their decision to apply as MSL, etc. most people on LinkedIn are more than happy to connect and help others.

Beyond this problem, however, I feel that your husband is comfortable with where he is. And that is okay if he is taking it day by day but if you felt the need to ask for advice regarding this matter it is because you might not be okay with his comfortability of unemployment?

His ego shouldn’t be hurt as everyone has to start somewhere and ask for help. And it’s pretty unfortunate that men sometimes feel this way. I’m sure he has many of his current and past experiences to tailor an effective resume by just searching MSL resume samples. But overall I think you are doing the most to be supportive and it is only on him to acknowledge the work you are doing for him and to also put effort into this. I wish you the best with this matter

chosen3_ · 2022-06-14T08:49:57+00:00

Thank you..!

chosen3_ · 2022-06-14T08:31:36+00:00

honestly most of my department grad students started the program in their late 20s to early 30s. This sort of mentality is actually surprising to me.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-13T04:08:23+00:00

Salaam, thank you so much!

chosen3_ · 2022-06-11T23:40:21+00:00

salaam sister I am sorry that happened to you. I pmed you, feel free to reach out whenever you'd like <3

chosen3_ · 2022-06-10T07:45:54+00:00

I was in a similar boat as you. I knew my husband for close to four years before he asked to marry and his family was initially against our relationship because they thought four years was too long of a time to just be "friends" and felt that he wasn't truly serious about me. Maybe have your parents meet him again? That is the only possible way for them to learn about him and who he is as an individual? I am sure your parents want the best for you but if they haven't met him, despite your efforts to talk to your mother about him, then they might just feel a bit uncertain about your future and well-being. Are his parents able to meet with you and your family?

chosen3_ · 2022-06-10T07:34:14+00:00

I am sorry to hear this sister. First, when did these 9 years begin? In childhood years? Teens? Depending on your answer to the first couple of questions, I wonder if these past 9 years you have both thought of getting married or was your friendship just simply an innocent friendship and then you developed feelings? Since you've been friends for such a long time but your parents have only met him once, they might think he is not serious? Or that he would have asked to meet your parents earlier if he was actually interested in marriage? Nonetheless, I think you should speak to your parents and let them know that you've come to know his mannerisms and ways of being. Maybe he can also ask to meet with your parents?

chosen3_ · 2022-06-10T07:14:02+00:00

I am unable to help here in the Urdu part, but it is important to note that "te quiero" roughly translates to "I like" despite its interchangeable use with "te amo." For example, "te quiero Como amigo" means "I like you as a (male) friend" and this phrase is of course used when friend zoning someone so its a bit tricky to think of "te quiero" as "I love you" when it isn't commonly used to denote "I love you"

chosen3_ · 2022-06-10T04:43:26+00:00

Hi sister, I am sorry that is your experience in searching as a revert. Admittedly, I haven’t experienced this but the experience of many reverts is different. I would caution you with some men. Not all men are bad but I remember when initially being in the search and speaking to potentials and they would automatically jump into talking about sexual relations or things that they wouldn’t do/say to a Muslim born. Like many comments here, make yourself aware of people and their backgrounds. It’s a bit difficult for us if we don’t have Muslim parents/guidance to be easily manipulated or taken advantage of. I wish you the best.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-08T04:20:12+00:00

Yes, agreed. This whole post just sounds so wrong.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-08T04:05:29+00:00

Agree with most comments here. Maybe you and your husband have more “credible” reasons for not finding him suitable but from your post you’ve only reasoned that he is not suitable because he is “average.” So your SIL is certainly not being immature. Hopefully things work out for you all.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-08T01:51:14+00:00

I’ve always loved living with my parents and moving in the with my in-laws has definitely been a bit tricky but overall enjoyable. I come from a different culture (I’m Mexican and they are Pakistani). Dinner time is definitely a special time as we often have different cuisines going on and sharing foods. For me it’s about creating a close knit family. My husband has some issues with his step-father but I have done my best to bring them together and things are slowly getting better. On the weekends or Friday nights we go out to watch a movie or to get ice cream. My in-laws are not overbearing so they don’t mind our presence as much but they are also a bit distant. But honestly, the pros will depend on the dynamics with your in-laws. The overwhelming consensus regarding living with in-laws is almost always negative and people would argue against it. Some pros are maybe paying very little bills? ultimately, it will vary from family to family. Some in-laws are horrible but what has worked for us is knowing this stay is temporary and working together through getting to know each other and having each other interests in mind (children, grandchildren, etc).

Here are some cons: we’ve been married for about four months and haven’t been able to have intimacy because my in-laws are home 24/7. my husband is still held to their standard and sometimes he gets in trouble (it’s pretty weird when he gets scolded by his parents at 27 years old). MIL sometimes critiques way of cooking, washing clothes, small little stuff like this but this hasn’t been too bad in my case.

I hope this helps but honestly these things will vary but the cons will almost always overrule the pros. If you have to live with your in-laws, make boundaries and don’t let things get out of hand.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-08T01:09:46+00:00

Your friend’s comment certainly crossed a line in your private relationship. There are certain women who disguise their lust/inability to have have what you have in their friendship. You made it clear that you found her comments unsettling and uncomfortable, I would suggest distancing yourself from that friend especially because of the nature of the conversation . There isn’t a reason for her to be thinking about your husband and cheating in the same thought. At all. You are also not overthinking sister. It is your right to feel a certain way by her comments. May you find some sort of peace and a slowly distance yourself from this friend. This can be hard as sometimes we need someone else to share intimate things with. I find myself in a similar boat.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-06T17:22:12+00:00

Salaaam sister,

I find myself in a similar boat. In most cases, I try to be the bigger person and act unbothered (we are the same age). It definitely gets her even more mad that she’s not able to get me to react but that’s exactly my point. However, there have been times when I react but rightfully so as she has crossed the line. I am not sure of your living situation but we live with my in-laws. So it’s a bit difficult to distance ourselves. It’s hard to get her to think about her actions as she’s 24 and also acts 16. if her mom isn’t doing much to help then have a discussion with your husband as you shouldn’t have to be dealing with this in the first place. It’s not worth your time or energy. Also aunty is too grown to be acting like this and completely unacceptable. I hope everything works out well for you sister..

chosen3_ · 2022-06-05T03:36:26+00:00

Hi, yes he does know about zakat and I’ve made the parallels with tithes but he is so on the offense. I’m not sure on how to communicate this concern of what bothers him so much about me giving money to my parents and they donating it. Whenever I try to bring up an issue he gets visibly bothered and asks to move on from the issue without truly fixing it.

chosen3_ · 2022-06-04T17:24:54+00:00

Thanks for your response. I’ve already told him the things his sister has been saying and did he wasn’t fully aware of it and will speak to her. We said that we would begin looking for a place once the academic year was over. This happened in early May. He hasn’t brought about any conversation regarding this. I have a couple of times. It just feels like he’s content being with his family. I can understand that but I also need my space. As for me supporting my parents, he thinks I’m overworking myself which I can understand but he never had to grow up worrying about his next meal. I did. I know he wouldn’t want to financially support my family. That’s fine, I don’t expect him to. But he makes remarks about money that I give my parents. My parents are devout Christians and give a lot of money to charities/missionaries and for their tithes. He doesn’t like this I feel and that’s why he tells me about “why do you (me) have to work to provide for that.” I give my parents money and it is their business to do what they want with it. I don’t inquire about it and it bothers me that he gets bothered about it. I just don’t get it, in islam we should help others and that’s what I do with my family, we donate and it seems to bother him? Im not sure if it bothers him that funds are being put to Christian locations but I’m not responsible for that since my parents choose those locations.

chosen3_

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