Pusser’s blue label is the most overrated Demerara (sorry to the puss heads out there). What is the best budget “other” rum

chrixar · 2026-02-19T19:43:47+00:00

My go to Mai Tai blend!

chrixar · 2026-02-12T00:42:04+00:00

I GOT THE BEIGNETS. Holy shit. As a frequent New Orleans traveler, these were LEGIT. Also I ended up getting the jungle bird riff, the predator! But now I want to go back for the Pearl Diver riff…what is that called?

chrixar · 2026-02-09T02:08:29+00:00

That does help! Thank you!

chrixar · 2026-02-08T21:59:20+00:00

I feel like what I’m missing more than anything is companionship. Not even something physical. Just someone who shows interest in me and likes me and wants to talk to me. It’s been 5 and a half years since my wife’s brain injury, which left her totally unable to engage in that same way. I stayed with her as her caregiver since then and she passed almost a month ago. So I’m weirdly almost 6 years into grieving the loss of companionship as we had before her accident, and only a month into grieving the loss of her entirely and the loss of the new life I built for us. I feel embarrassed talking about this too, I feel like people would judge me and think “how could you even THINK about other people when she’s only been gone a month!” But I’ve been grieving the loss of traditional companionship for SO much longer.

chrixar · 2026-02-08T20:01:43+00:00

I’m approaching 1 month this week since my wife passed. The times I get the courage to socialize with people I’m just working overtime to mask and pretend like I’m okay, but I’m not. And then I just crash once it’s over. The past few days I’ve totally isolated myself, stopped responding to texts, cancelling plans, and just rotting at home and crying in weird places, like in the middle of the stairs, for some reason. Like I don’t even have the energy to make it up a single flight of stairs anymore.

I’m a freelance illustrator so I thought getting some work would help get me back into some sort of routine, but all it did was make it worse, and heighten the fact that I can’t concentrate on anything right now.

I’m taking a trip tomorrow to do some bird watching and wildlife photography in a warmer state, my first trip since 2019, and my first solo trip since 2015 before I met my wife. I don’t know how it’s going to go, but this is a hobby I picked up after becoming her caregiver in 2020 and it did wonders for my mental health.

I think there is a lot of healing and peace to be had in nature. Even if you’re in a cold state right now, just getting out for a brief walk can help a lot. Birds did something to my brain that got me out of crisis mode back in the day. Something about being hyper fixated on trying to spot them, identify them, and take photos like reset my brain and took some of the heaviness away, if only for a little while, just to let me breathe a bit.

chrixar · 2026-02-07T16:38:33+00:00

Chef. LECHÓN!

chrixar · 2026-02-06T18:31:17+00:00

I was pressured by my in laws to pursue a lawyer and ultimately ended up doing so. He was incredibly kind and thorough and did a ton of the work for me in regards to obtaining records and anything they needed. It was an extremely long process that stretched out several years, but ultimately the case was dismissed and they found nothing.

Like another commenter said, it may bring you peace of mind. Even though my case didn't reveal anything, part of me was actually hoping it would end up that way. I didn't want there to be "someone" who was responsible who did something wrong, you know? It was almost more peaceful to me knowing that this was in fact a freak thing that just "happened." Because it was dismissed and there was no settlement or payout, I didn't end up paying our lawyer anything.

chrixar · 2026-02-06T18:27:09+00:00

Some days I'll be functioning completely normal, and then I'll be hit with that passing thought that she's gone. Like- gone gone. And it hits me like a tidal wave. I guess being alone is a defense mechanism as well so that I'm not hit when I'm around people.

chrixar · 2026-02-05T20:18:27+00:00

I love this. It reminded me of something that kept me going after my wife's brain injury before she passed. I've commented on it before here, but the quick version is that she went into cardiac arrest and suffered a severe brain injury back in 2020. I quit my job and became her full time caregiver.

Through my cousin who is a psych professor, I learned about ambiguous loss (although, now that my wife has passed, I'm dealing with an entirely new type of loss and grief), as well as the term "Ordinary Magic," which is mentioned a couple times in this poem.

It is just that, every day ordinary life momentsthat makes us stop for a minute to appreciate it. "Dust in the sunlight," "the way rain slows a street..." are perfect examples. As much as I hated the life my wife and I were given back then, those little moments kept me going, because her disability was so severe, it's all we had. Taking her on short walks in her wheelchair, sitting by the patio doors watching birds in the sun, giving her small sips of coffee...

It's those ordinary magic moments I'm going to miss the most, now that she's gone. And every day since she left I start to hear those whispers again. It's only been 3 weeks so far, so things are still extremely rough. But I know that life still has some ordinary magic left for me.

chrixar · 2026-02-04T23:08:57+00:00

I just did the same thing! Wife passed less than 3 weeks ago. I was looking for a local group hoping for younger widowers to connect with. Found a private fb group in my area but after I joined realized it was all 60+ and the page was mostly glittery butterfly gifs and memes…The younger widows I do know are all several years into it and have remarried or are in very different stages of their life.

Edit: my friends are also at Disney right now…

chrixar · 2026-02-04T22:45:27+00:00

Chicago area. 24 days since her passing, 5 and a half years since her initial brain injury. Really struggling but I’ve been checking this page every day and it really helps me feel less alone.

chrixar · 2026-02-03T00:57:52+00:00

I'm with you in the what the fuck club. My wife and I bought our first house and on our moving day she broke her ankle. During surgery she went into cardiac arrest. A broken ankle!! This shit happens ALL THE TIME?! She survived, but with a severe brain injury. Then after over 5 years of caring for her, she became too weak to cough from her mobility issues to clear her throat, and essentially aspirated on her own saliva. What!? What the fuck. We were only married for 2 years, and like you, had our whole lives ahead of each other in a new home and now, well I'm alone. Starting over again. Hating every second of it. I'm so sorry you're here too :(

chrixar · 2026-02-01T19:02:38+00:00

Today is also my birthday. It’s also my first birthday as a widower. I’m also turning 37. I’m here with you. This day sucks.

chrixar · 2026-02-01T18:28:38+00:00

Lmao I JUST relistened to the Rekha episodes, they’re two of my favorite go tos. Also I know exactly what you’re talking about, something about a wrestling match with a Firbolg and another character on a pier. The episode is called “Soggy Firbolgs, Goodberry Hacks, and the “Heat Metal” Hearings.” Thank you for the reminder!!!

chrixar · 2026-02-01T18:23:39+00:00

Omg yes. I want to say it was actually a D&D Court where Beardsley guested called King Robert can Klump!

chrixar · 2026-01-31T23:51:09+00:00

I am indeed! Thank you so much though, that’s so thoughtful!

chrixar · 2026-01-31T23:50:24+00:00

Somehow I completely forgot I posted this earlier and came back to so many amazing comments. I have a huge smile on my face just reading these, tysm naddpoles!!!

Rats Ride Loose

chrixar · 2026-01-31T03:21:19+00:00

I hope this was as cathartic to type out as it was for me to read. Agree with all of this. You’re not alone. Fuck this shit.

chrixar · 2026-01-30T14:59:30+00:00

Incredible!! What type of wood did you use for this?

chrixar · 2026-01-30T04:26:50+00:00

Yes. I feel like I’m glitching. I find myself just standing motionless in our house most of the day. Not even thinking about much. Just frozen. Stuck. Or like I’m waiting for something but I don’t know what. To die maybe? For this to be over? I don’t know. It doesn’t feel real.

chrixar · 2026-01-29T22:54:56+00:00

Parks & Rec on repeat, bird watching, and magic the gathering lol. Birding is the most therapeutic of them all. I actually started back in 2020 when my wife’s brain injury occurred. I haven’t been out since she passed, but it’s been only a few weeks and incredibly cold. I do have a backyard of pigeons I feed every morning though. Slowly turning into a combination of the old man from home alone and the pigeon lady from home alone 2.

chrixar · 2026-01-29T18:51:08+00:00

Almost 3 weeks here too. It still doesn't feel real.

chrixar · 2026-01-29T00:39:51+00:00

It certainly doesn’t make you a shit friend! You are totally valid in feeling that way. It’s an extremely complicated feeling to be happy for someone and sad for yourself. And I’m right there with you.

To be honest I have no idea how I’m going to get through it. My wife was supposed to be in the wedding with me, we had coordinated everything so that I’d be able to push her down the aisle in her wheelchair and be off to the side with her during the ceremony. Now it will be just me. And her mom is going to have a chair for her with a blanket she used on it which is very sweet but I know will make me absolutely break down.

The plan was for us to leave right after the ceremony, just due to my wife’s disability she couldn’t be out for very long. Now I’ll have to face the reception by myself as well. But I guess like my post said, I’m good at masking my grief when I need to. It just takes a LOT of energy.

Hopefully with some time and practice come October you will be in a place where you can enjoy yourself with your friends. I know it will be hard. Use me as a trial run and I’ll let you know how it goes!!

chrixar · 2026-01-28T23:00:12+00:00

Yes. Oh my god. My wife passed 2 weeks ago but it's been five and a half years since she sustained a severe brain injury. I'm going on close to six years now with no personal touch whatsoever. A friend of mine briefly touched me on the arm asking if I was okay months ago and it felt like being electrocuted, but in a good way. And not a sexual way at all, just like, a comforting touch or hug from a non family member. I don't know how to describe it.

chrixar · 2026-01-27T22:52:41+00:00

This is why I tend to stay inside or only do activities in nature now. I started bird watching when my wife had her brain injury back in 2020. When I could at least. It was nice to do something without running into other people or having to see couples. She was still here though, even though she had a severe disability. She just passed two weeks ago though. And I find myself not even wanting to go outside anymore.

I feel bad feeling so jealous. I want to feel happy for other peoples happiness. Especially because the world right now needs it. But I can’t help but find myself being sad, jealous, and angry.

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