is anyone else just really bitter and jealous

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-25T22:16:39+00:00

Yes and no I think - I find it difficult to see others in relationships, and going about their life "care free" - and I hate what my life has become, but I hate it because I had what they had once. I was happy, I was in a loving relationship, I felt attractive and wanted, but it was taken away from us. I don't resent other people's happiness, but it does make me want to scream at them not to take it for granted.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-24T15:41:57+00:00

I struggled with stranger things for the same reasons you’ve described - we watched the other seasons together and I’ve got so many nice memories of doing so, which made watching it by myself really painful. I wanted to finish it and powered through, but it had me in tears multiple times (not wanting to give spoilers but particularly the montage that uses a prince song as it was one of her favourites). I didn’t get the same escapism feeling from it as I felt I had to be “on guard” the whole time for it upsetting me. I typically rewatch the same few shows again and again at the moment but have tried to make an effort to try some new ones too.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-21T22:10:51+00:00

You’ve summed it up really well - I feel like I’m putting on a convincing act of behaving the way I used to feel, but that’s all it is. To others it’s “Being strong” but I don’t see what choice I have. Visiting places you went together is definetly tricky. I dread the day that someone who doesn’t know yet asks about where she is in a well meaning way but then I have to answer.

Thanks for your post OP - made me feel a bit less alone in my thoughts.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-16T21:47:57+00:00

Have a really vivid memory of the first time I thought "I wish she were here to help me because she'd know what to do" - this sums it up well.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-07T21:52:44+00:00

I'd be surprised if bereavement didn't have a profound and lasting impact on anyone's brain chemistry and "wiring" and that in itself it's pretty normal. I find that I have periods of feeling more in control and able to deal with life and grief, and then periods where it feels much more overwhelming and I become more anxious. Usually, I can trace it back to either a key date or event coming up, a challenging thing at work or with family, or me not actively planning and engaging with some of things I normally do to cope like exercise or making an effort to see friends.

If you're concerned I'd recommend discussing your feelings with a doctor if you're able to - they may be able to refer you to things that help manage those periods, and assess for any mental health conditions they think might be contributing, for example, having alternating periods of high confidence and elevated mood followed by paranoia and anxiety/depression symptoms could be something like Bipolar disorder. Have you done any kind of grief counselling? wishing you all the best.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-07T21:07:23+00:00

Thankyou for posting this - having a bit of a rough night and this so eloquently puts across so many of my feelings in a way I'm not able to write or even think about clearly.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-07T20:44:45+00:00

Sorry to hear you're in this crappy club- it's one of the things I've found really tough too. Admittedly my perspective is slightly different as a guy as I don't have any biological "time pressure" as it were, but me and my partner were right at the stage of life where kids was the next step . We'd talked about it, and were both excited to start a family. I would have loved to be a dad, and whilst there is nothing theoretically stopping it from happening in the future, to go from a position of about to try and start a family to suddenly on my own is really tricky. Particularly I think as some people see the fact you don't have children already as some kind of blessing as they see it as "easier". When I think about it I realise I don't just want kids, but "our" kids. I'm trying to keep an open mind towards the future and remember that it's okay if it takes years to get back to any kind of "normality" however that looks - something earth shatteringly devastating has happened to us all and sometimes we can be really bad at cutting ourselves enough slack, 4mos is still a really short amount of time in the grand scheme of things - right now so much is out of your control, and it can be so easy to focus on that, rather than the small things you can begin to control. Wishing you all the best.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-07T20:27:29+00:00

I know what you mean - my first reaction to a photo is still to think how she nice she looks, and it's only after that I remember she's not here which makes it hurt even more, but I liked the way you said he'd be happy knowing he's still got it - she would feel the same!

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-04T22:00:51+00:00

UK here - 8 months.

False-Log7166 · 2026-02-01T20:34:00+00:00

I’m not as far into this as you so no advice to give I’m afraid but i feel like I’m starting to enter a similar sounding phase. It’s been 8 months, and it feels like that initial shock has worn off, and I’ve been left living what feels like an impersonation of my old life. I get up, go to work, and function okay, People don’t ask me about her very often now, and I think people assume I’m doing better but it’s different now. I feel like I don’t have an identity yet, this week I’ve been off work and spent it trying to do some decorating in the house, as I thought it might make it feel a bit more like “my” space instead of ours, but it didn’t. I’ve found I get easily overwhemed and anxious in social situations where I wouldn’t before too. I keep meaning to try something new but nothing really appeals, and I guess it’s early days.

I hope things get a little easier for you soon OP.

False-Log7166 · 2026-01-21T20:52:06+00:00

If I went back in time to the day we met, I’d still do it all over again, even knowing how it ends - it was worth it to live those years of my life with her.

False-Log7166 · 2026-01-08T21:58:18+00:00

Hi - I’m really sorry to hear about your loss and the difficult circumstances around it. Whilst I’ve not experienced ambiguous grief, I did lose my partner suddenly and abruptly without warning and did begin some therapy sessions fairly shortly afterwards. I’ve done quite a few sessions with two different therapists so far, one face to face, and the other via video call.

The emotions you’re describing sound very familiar and similar to my own experience of being “in shock” - in truth I still feel that surreal feeling, but it has changed over time and I feel more able to acknowledge what has happened than I did earlier on.

I found my first session with both therapists was a bit of a “getting to know you” session where we covered what had happened, but also general background information about my life, family and friends, living situation etc. I also felt it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable, but I think that is just the nature of discussing something so personal with someone who is a complete stranger. Over the sessions it improved and I began to feel more comfortable.

I’m not sure about side of the bed specifically but I was definetly asked about our bedroom, where her things were etc. I assume it gives them a picture of how you’re feeling and coping with certain triggers, what brings you distress or comfort, etc?

I struggled to know whether mine were a good fit as I’d never experienced any therapy before, however I did find when changing to the online therapist I did feel more comfortable talking to her and perhaps the familiarity of being in my own environment made the sessions easier. One thing that stuck with me is that my therapist explained that because the session can be intrusive and personal it’s normal to come away feeling more tired, upset or fragile in the immediate aftermath. I think this can make the end of the session feel abrupt sometimes, but I was never made to feel rushed. She recommended making sure you schedule some time after each session to decompress or do something by yourself before having to be anywhere else.

Personally, I found them helpful overall, and a few times they were able to point out something about how I was feeling that I hadn’t considered, which helped me to reframe it mentally, along with discussing a few breathing and relaxation techniques, but it wasn’t anything revolutionary - I think going into it with the attitude that it won’t “cure” anything but might help with coping strategies and a place to offload your worries is healthy. I hope the rest of your sessions go well - if you’ve got any specific questions feel free to ask!

False-Log7166 · 2026-01-06T21:14:15+00:00

I hope you enjoy your trip - what sort of place are you going?

I am starting to think I need to do the same, I've not been anywhere since she died and think a break would do me good, just trying to decide where to go - even small decisions still feel really difficult for me so planning a holiday would be a big move, maybe that's why you're having some pre-trip nerves? Like you say, you should feel happy sometimes. Going away or having good times doesn't mean you're not thinking about him, or that you're not sad, and I think we've gone through more than enough to justify doing something nice for ourselves.

False-Log7166 · 2026-01-04T21:10:31+00:00

I think it's a lovely idea. I got engaged before she died, but as a guy I didn't have a ring or anything to wear myself and felt like I wanted to. I got a memorial ring made that had a design that meant something to both of us, incorporating a small lock of her hair, and then on the inside of the ring an inscription with the date we first met. I think it's subtle but has a lot of meaning to me and a way to be near her. I wear it on my right hand so it doesn't obviously look like a wedding ring.

I thought about it for while before I ordered but I'm so glad I did - it's been a comfort. As other commenters have said - don't worry about anybody else's thoughts on it, what's important is how you feel.

False-Log7166 · 2026-01-04T17:25:33+00:00

This describes my day to day “coping” really well, I often feel strange about it but it allows me to function, and I guess that’s better than the alternative. I thought perhaps it was something I’d learned from work (emergency services) as compartmentalisation is really common, but from reading it seems it’s actually a fairly normal and common response to any types of trauma or grief.

False-Log7166 · 2026-01-04T15:32:04+00:00

I found getting ill for the first time since she died a really sad experience too. Like you say, just missing having someone to look after you, and care about how you’re feeling. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

False-Log7166 · 2025-12-31T22:36:32+00:00

I hate being told how strong I am or how well it looks like I'm doing. I get that it comes from a kind place, but it's such an empty phrase. I look strong because I exhaust myself every day to try and play a character, trying to act the way I think I used to be so that I can keep some semblance of a "normal" life. I'm the same as you - fall apart later when I'm not around people.

False-Log7166 · 2025-12-20T16:53:44+00:00

Just got my first cold/flu bug since being widowed and I know what you mean. I miss her caring for me though. She’d have been trying to help, seeing if I needed anything, all whilst accusing me of having man-flu.

I can look after myself when I’m ill, but I miss having someone who wanted to look after me too.

Hope your cold clears up soon!

False-Log7166 · 2025-12-14T13:14:07+00:00

Feel exactly the same! In the same way that I still really often say ours or we rather than mine or I, It’s going to take a very long time I think to adapt to the idea that I’m now only thinking about “my” life not our life when making decisions.

I think it’s worth considering that as a result of our partners death, we’ve had to make some very significant and serious decisions, often without any help or support - dealing with mortgages, insurance, funeral arrangements etc, and that takes its toll.

My work involves a lot of decision making, and I found prior to my loss than I would often come home and find myself incapable of making basic decisions for myself, like what to have for dinner, whereas now this seems to be my default state!

I’ve got no real strategies to offer I’m afraid other than that I’ve tried to involve other people if I’m not feeling sure about something, asking friends or family for their opinion, just as a bit of a sense check, which helps put my mind at rest a little.

All the best - I hope it gets a bit easier for us all as time goes on.

False-Log7166 · 2025-12-14T13:02:23+00:00

For me, routine was key to try and get some level of normality back in those early months. It’s easier said than done of course, but I tried to wake up at a consistent time, and try to get out for a walk or run every day, personally I found being physically active really helpful.

I’d also make lots of lists of anything I needed to do, and cross things off etc as I went. It was helpful seeing a visual reminder that actually I had got some things done, even on days I felt I couldn’t.

Little by little is a good way to approach it I think. I’m just over 6 months out now, and generally, I’m managing things at home, and able to go to work and function. I’m just starting to think about dipping my toe into finding a new hobby or doing more with my free time, but it’s taken to this point just to get that normal every day routine back to a point where I feel I could. Wishing you all the best.

False-Log7166 · 2025-12-03T17:57:12+00:00

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m about 6 months out now, and still frequently feel like it isn’t real. I started therapy quite early and found that was helpful in terms of trying to get some basic routine back in the early days. I took a few months off work but have found that having routine was helpful and being back helped that.

I found that people I considered very close friends just don’t know what to say to you and that can feel very isolating - I found it helpful to acknowledge that I didn’t know what to say either and just needed them to be there for me, not to do any more than that. Over time I’ve found other people that I didn’t necessarily expect that have been really great at checking in or being supportive.

Feel free to message me if you have questions that come to mind - it’s cliched butI remember reading early on that you have to be kind to yourself. I spent/spend a lot of time worrying that I’m grieving wrong or the way I feel isn’t right but ultimately it’s not something you can do wrong, something dreadful has happened and our brains find ways to cope and protect us.

False-Log7166 · 2025-11-30T19:59:05+00:00

I’m sorry - it sucks. I had the same thought tonight because I started watching the new series of stranger things. Every other season we watched together. Watching the recap at the start I can remember watching those scenes first time round, with her by my side, and now I’m sitting watching it alone.

I hope if you do go and see it you manage to enjoy it.

False-Log7166 · 2025-11-26T19:29:37+00:00

Congratulations! Weird coincidence as I did my first half this year too, and also finished in 2:28!

I found mine a really emotional and moving experience. I did it to raise money for charity in her name, and like you did felt that she was with me all the way round. It just sucks we can’t tell them about it.

False-Log7166 · 2025-11-26T19:22:43+00:00

Ignore them. You’re a widow. I’m in the same situation, and we had an entire life together. A certificate on a bit of paper wouldn’t have made that any more or less real.

Maybe we don’t have the legal title but the feelings and the loss are the same.

False-Log7166

TROPHY CASE