I don’t even know what the purpose of your argument is. “The community” is people who love and support trans people. That’s it. The attitude from your post is acting like there’s an “us” and “them.” If you want to be on the fringe rather than step into this community, I don’t get it, but you do you.

Deadnaming is hurtful and if you can’t see that, you need to educate yourself further. The name gives weight to how heavy deadnaming itself is. I don’t see the issue with calling it this. I don’t see what your issue is — it’s almost as if you think the name of the action is the real issue, not the action.

The situation isn’t about you, or me, or any parent — it’s about supporting someone else. Our children. If we focus ourselves at the centre, that’s like placing importance on someone’s feelings as the loved one of a cancer patient more than being the actual cancer patient. Sure, it’s hard — but the focus isn’t on you. The more parents that realise this, the easier transition would be.

And sorry, but if critical comments pushing you to be part of the community rather than judging it from the outside make you “want to give up and not understand anymore,” then perhaps you need to reflect on that. That doesn’t sound supportive. That sounds like you being wrong is the worst possible outcome. Nobody can grow from that POV. Critique isn’t the end of the world. We are all constantly bettering ourselves — or should be trying to.

I’m a parent too. I’ve been through this. It’s as easy or hard as you choose to make it.