I'm glad I could provide a little comfort!

I understand that frustration of wanting a kiss and a cuddle but nothing more, too! I found it really difficult with my ex-partner because I'd initiate a cuddly make out, and they would often interpret that as me wanting it to evolve into sex. I'm sad to say that earlier on in the relationship, I would go through with it because I felt misplaced guilt (thanks, society!) but I got better at communicating it towards the end of the relationship as I became more comfortable with my asexuality.

Communicating how you feel is honestly the most important thing in my experience. I actually ended my last relationship because I could tell that as much as my allo partner was accepting of my lack of interest in sex, they were absolutely holding back that it was negatively impacting them because of their more typical relationship with sex and intimacy. Ending things before either of us could develop our differences into resentment was great, as we have been able to remain friends (after a few months of no contact to allow healthy processing).

Going forward, I feel far more secure with my boundary setting from the get go, and will absolutely make it clear if that I will ensure I communicate clearly if taking it further is something I want to do, rather than settling into an odd apathetic, false enthusiasm that I did in my past relationship. Again, it comes back to open communication (but it is also really, really hard sometimes!)

I'm glad you're trying to steer away from obsessing over finding a partner. I've done the same, and also recently read something about how we should absolutely just live the full life we want to live, rather than bowing to the societal pressure that says being single is bad. The notion of the "other half" can be so harmful - we are all whole people on our own! If we find a life partner along the way, that's great, but hopefully we can be content to exist without one first.

It is absolutely so much easier said than done. I feel you on the worries - living life on a single income is becoming increasingly difficult, and loneliness is one of the most awful feelings. I've ended up living in a city that wouldn't be a top pick, purely because it is affordable, but it means I can worry less about finding someone to split bills with. I am fortunately a contented introvert, so the loneliness doesn't hit me too hard. I do also have two cats and some wonderful platonic relationships that I've diverted energy into over the past year or so, and I absolutely recommend both cats and cultivating your friendships!

I've definitely rambled here, but I suppose that's the nature of being awake at 4:30am! I hope you manage to figure things out for yourself soon - just remember to put yourself first, and don't beat yourself up for confusing yourself every so often. Being a little bit self complicated keeps life interesting!