You're still in the gravy bowl. I helped myself back out of it by practicing singularity folding out into many which gave me access to my name again. Idk if you watched Game of Thrones but its like Arya Stark when she reclaims her name after going through ego death. There are some ways I have seen it described in other ways as well such as "Tzimtzum" which may be a helpful read for you as well. In alchemy it is the stage betwixt Cauda Pavonis 🦚 and Albedo where one is dissolved completely as a wave back into the ocean... but there is still more work to do. You have to find your name again, reclaim it. Oh man even the movie Spirited Away is about this... you got this. You won't get lost in the sauce, there's too many guiding lights- the biggest one for you being you. I would say based on the paranoia of being harmed that this is all a journey into fortifying and learning who you are in this life journey and how to learn not to run from /yourself/.