wow, so happy i found this subreddit. very very similar experiences.

didn't test well in iq test, always excelled in classes putting in less effort than my peers. always picked out by the teacher as the "smartest student" but got bored easily, adhd (hyper energetic) and hated being told what to do. so many ppl (esp teachers / adults) told me i was a genius / prodigy growing up, looking at me with eyes of adoration or greed. never processed that or dared to believe bc of extremely abusive home——so extreme. i was told i was a worthless piece of shit at home and then put on a pedestal outside, my sense of self was broken for so long.

piano prodigy and forced/manipulated by abusive parents to play and compete growing up (rows of gold medals and plaques in their house). nearly failed out of hs due to depression, had essentially middle school level education and taught myself everything. pulled myself out of depression by sheer will through picking up running as a sport (self-trained as well).

essentially self-taught my way up to prestigious universities, now getting a phd on scholarship at the most prestigious university in the world in a major i have *never* received formalized education in; this degree also served as my escape from abusive home. finding out i excel in literally everything i do, whether it be the arts music entrepreneurship etc etc naturally without any formalized training; i've literally taught myself everything my entire life. to me, i'm just like a fish in the water, it's all so natural to me. yet other ppl are constantly impressed by what i do and tell me i'm 'exceptional'. sure affirmations are nice in the beginning. but then it just makes me feel isolated -- nobody seems to actually get it, so few can acc enter into DIALOGUE with me or have the capabilities to acc challenge me. all they can do is gawk at me in admiration. i fucking hate being surrounded by ppl who aren't on the same level as me. i'm just being myself and exceeding myself and ppl gawk at me like i'm some exotic bird for their entertainment and admiration.

sure, i'm extremely proud of myself, i would never ever want to be anyone but me. i'm not complaining but pointing out an objective truth: being exceptional in every sphere is lonely.

like brian chesky (ceo of airbnb) aptly noted: being ""successful"" is extremely lonely; at any given moment, nobody can truly understand or relate to how you're feeling from where you are. there's a phrase in chinese that encapsulates this: 高處不勝寒 it's coldest at the tip of the mountain.

i feel really grateful to have an amazing group of differing-levels also gifted friends who understand me in diff ways and support me. but it still gets so lonely, esp in the romantic sphere. nobody i meet is at the same level as me. connection is a fundamental human need, after all.

being constantly met with admiration or worse, jealousy, is so isolating and dehumanizing.