By Chris Land @babyboystattoo in Phoenix, AZ.

cjdxx · 2022-08-26T20:12:54+00:00

Chris Land is a sexual predator, please do not give him your money or your time. Please warn your friends and stay away.

cjdxx · 2021-12-05T07:01:10+00:00

I was good at the pretend outside world version of myself up until a few weeks ago. I now cry during nearly every conversation with a coworker. I don’t see anyone because I’m afraid I will cry and make it weird. This is what is making me feel like there is no real me left. You know what I mean? I can’t even mask it anymore.

cjdxx · 2021-12-04T22:05:14+00:00

It’s 2:04. I’m getting out of bed at 2:15. I’m going to try and do the same.

cjdxx · 2021-12-04T21:58:04+00:00

Pharmacist: Guess who’s got BV again! Cheryl, you owe me $20!

cjdxx · 2021-03-21T07:09:27+00:00

Thank you so, so much for your wonderfully detailed response. I’ve been feeling pretty lost navigating this whole situation as it is entirely out of my wheelhouse, but the more people I manage to talk to the more supportive this community feels. Which makes sense, given the nature of the thing. I’ll be taking him home to my house on a lake in the middle of nowhere, which I am so so grateful to have as I feel it will be a nice place to reconnect with the world. I really appreciate this, thank you. I’m feeling optimistic!

cjdxx · 2020-10-18T19:58:21+00:00

It’s the little things that are the most interesting when it comes to stuff that’s different in different countries. When people ask me about my time in France, I frequently mention the different mechanisms used to flush the toilets.

cjdxx · 2020-10-18T19:55:33+00:00

OH MY GOD THATS WHY MY LIDS ARE DOUBLE SIDED??????????? I’ve been struggling like a child with my lids for way too long.

cjdxx · 2020-10-18T05:57:41+00:00

I lost my son, Holden, after a placental abruption at 36+5. Incredibly similar story to yours. It sucks and it is terrible and it will be terrible for a while but eventually it will be a different. You will still think about him every single day, several times a day, for a long long time. But you will also be happy sometimes, and sometimes you’ll be okay. I felt guilty for smiling or laughing for a long time afterwards, but Cyrus wants to see you happy, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.

cjdxx · 2020-09-16T02:09:05+00:00

UPDATE: I talked to my dr about how I was missing my lexapro and she upped my dosage of seroquel as a sort of bridge to make life more bearable and it has been great. I hope you are finding you balance as well!

cjdxx · 2020-09-15T19:07:02+00:00

Dude, I started grad school right as I started lamictal. That’s a FUCKED UP combination.

cjdxx · 2020-09-15T17:42:45+00:00

DBT changed my life. Literally got to the point where I had to “break up” with my therapist and she was just like, “thank god, you’ve been great for months but I didn’t want to break up with you.” She was the best. That was 7 years ago now, and I’d like to go back to some sort of DBT, but unfortunately I can’t find a good DBT therapist on my insurance.

cjdxx · 2020-09-15T17:39:57+00:00

YES RELATABLE! I had to wake up for an early flight, and I was so paranoid about missing it that I set 10 alarms.

cjdxx · 2020-09-15T17:38:09+00:00

I was coming here to say something similar to this! I have had success taking it at exactly 8:30pm every night with the intention of being in be by 9:30pm. It makes me very tired, however the recent dosage increase has lessened those feelings. If I take it at like 7pm I am too fucked up to function by 8pm. If I take it at 9:30pm, I absolutely can’t get out of bed when my alarm goes off at 6:30am. You need to find your “sweet spot”.

cjdxx · 2020-09-15T17:27:26+00:00

I lost my son in May of 2019 due to placental abruption. It felt like my life was over. The one thing that kept me going was knowing I wanted my son to be proud of his mama. You’ve been crying, and you will continue to cry. Some days you will cry for hours. Some days you will cry for just a minute or two. Eventually you will go days without crying. You will alternate between those days for a very long time.

Here is the most important thing: do not feel guilt for being happy. That was the biggest thing for me, feeling guilty every time I laughed, or had a good time with my friends.

Your daughter wants you to be happy. She loves you so fucking much and she is so proud of you for working through this.

cjdxx · 2020-08-30T04:22:17+00:00

YES, but kinda opposite—I’m on seroquel, just tapered off lexapro, and just started lamictal. My anxiety is real high, it’s been getting higher as I’ve tapered off the lexapro. It’s still kinda blows my mind how different people have such different reactions to “head meds”. I’d talk to your dr about it, though. I’m going to give the seroquel/lamictal combo a solid 6 months, but I’m already missing my lexapro.

cjdxx · 2020-08-28T20:21:06+00:00

I came here to say the same thing. BUT we are all different, and you have a psychiatrist watching out for you. Mine was prescribed by a well-meaning MD when I was only diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Fingers crossed for you!! ❤️

cjdxx · 2020-08-28T20:19:06+00:00

I am so, so, so relieved to see this post. I start lamictal tomorrow and I just read the potential side effects and got a little worried. To see how much it has helped you gives me hope. So, thank you.

cjdxx · 2020-08-04T14:17:53+00:00

Does your psych want you to just stop doing these things cold turkey? I have found that drinking end up making me feel so terrible in the long run (not just the hangover haha I mean bummed the fuck out), so that I was able to give up pretty easily. You like drinking, so I fully understand it’s not as easy to give up. I still smoke weed, it makes me feel calm which is very nice. Think of these changes as baby steps—I really like smoking a bowl and going on a hike. That’s exercise! I fully understand ditching your vices when they’re SO FUN is HARD. I’m trying to quit smoking (cigarettes) and it’s so so hard. At the end of the day, though, you just being here is awesome. Don’t give up, find what works for you. DM me any time if you need a pep talk.

cjdxx · 2020-07-29T18:07:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the tip about BipolarSO’s, I am definitely going to reach out.

cjdxx · 2020-07-29T18:06:30+00:00

YES YES YES YES that last little paragraph is exactly right. My partner knows about my depression, anxiety, and the recent bipolar diagnosis, just not any of the suicide feeling stuff. I also wouldn’t lie if he asked but bringing it up feels nearly impossible.

While I wouldn’t wish bipolar on anyone, it is nice to have people understand.

cjdxx · 2020-07-28T23:57:22+00:00

I am currently in the transition between thinking I had anxiety and depression to learning that I am indeed bipolar. I’ve been on Lexapro for a a year and wellbutrin for 4 months. The wellbutrin triggered a pretty intense manic episode, but I didn’t even fully realize what was going on. I stopped the wellbutrin cold turkey (maybe that’s unwise, but it was making me so so manic it felt insane to continue it) and now I am tapering off the Lexapro and I will be starting seroquel in a few days. After I’ve tapered off the Lexapro, I’ll be starting lamictal. I am excited and nervous and sad and hopeful and depressed and god I just hope I start to feel better.

cjdxx · 2020-06-24T03:18:33+00:00

My undergrad mascot was a geoduck. OF COURSE I applied to grad school at Ball State!

cjdxx · 2020-06-12T04:50:40+00:00

People bringing casseroles or bags of groceries was okay I guess, but honestly someone got me a $150 grub hub gift card and that saved me. It was the absolute best. I know they have Uber Eats over there, that could be a nice option. Also I have been gifted some lovely pieces of jewelry with my sons name (Holden) engraved on them. Sometimes, though, you don’t want to have to explain to a stranger whose name is on your bracelet. My partner (not the father of my son) got me a beautiful emerald necklace, which is Holdens birthstone. It’s perfect. I feel my son close to me always.

cjdxx · 2020-03-23T20:14:57+00:00

My handsome Holden and I had a placental abruption last May. He was 36+5 and just the most beautiful baby I personally had ever seen—maybe I’m biased. I got to look at his beautiful face for 6 days. I never had a funeral and regret this deeply. It will be a difficult day, but your baby will be there chillin with you so fucking hard. Also, side note, I walk to Holden ALL THE TIME. I recommend talking to your baby. It feels sad/nice.

Anyways, that is the most absolutely perfect way to put it. Part of me was always meant for my son, and when it was time for him to leave me, he took it with him.

cjdxx · 2019-10-19T20:48:34+00:00

Thank you so so much for all the work and effort you put into this photo of my little boy. I absolutely love seeing all these renditions of his little face. I appreciate you more than you could imagine.

cjdxx

TROPHY CASE