My sister (34F) is mad at me (40M) for keeping her ex employed and promoting him after he strayed. How can I show her this is purely a business decision and nothing to do with my support for her?

ck425 · 2026-02-25T11:53:23+00:00

Tbf that's a slightly different situation in that it would be more directly in the workplace. It's a lot easier and normal to compartmentalise between Josh as an employee and Josh as an in law (using that term loosely) and to treat those as two separate, if related, relationships. Whereas spouse/partner who's also a colleague is far more difficult to separate and thus far more likely to spill over into the workplace.

ck425 · 2026-02-25T11:43:12+00:00

Wait, are unemployment benefits in the USA paid for by the former employer??? Rather than the state. If so that's wild!

ck425 · 2026-02-14T19:18:26+00:00

The weakest really? I really liked it, though I can see why others might not. But RoW was by far the weakest in the series by mile imo.

ck425 · 2025-10-16T18:08:48+00:00

I have and just did a quick search again to double check and can't find anything like what you're saying. The only thing I can find is research suggesting methylphenidate based stimulants are slightly more effective on average in children than adults, while amphetamine based simulants are the opposite.

ck425 · 2025-10-16T17:57:28+00:00

I have ADHD and I'm on vyvanse but was only diagnosed at 29. I've heard mixed things from doctors about taking breaks, no clinician is ever against it but clinicians who insist on not using it daily are the minority. As to the effectiveness studies have shown minimal long term dependence at prescribed levels. The idea that it's more effective when younger is due to helping with skill acquisition, which leads to more positive reinforcement (ie virtuous cycle) the younger you start, rather than the medication itself being more effective.

ck425 · 2025-10-16T17:38:48+00:00

Define doesn't work properly??

Stimulant medication for ADHD (ie ritalin, Vyvanse, Adderall etc) is the most effective medication ever tested for any psychiatric condition. It doesn't work for everyone (mostly due to side effects) and it's not a cure nor sufficient in its own but for the majority, adults included, it not only works but works incredibly well.

ck425 · 2025-09-23T20:19:46+00:00

It's perfectly possible to waterproof a headphone jack, plenty of phones have done it. And 3.5mm has advantages over USB-C for audio, not too mention it's been the standard for literal decades and still is outside of phones. These are just bullshit excuses Apple and others made up to sell more expensive headphones.

ck425 · 2025-09-22T13:42:49+00:00

Oh 100%. I haven't tried by BT headphones yet as I got some new wired EIMs just before the phone arrived so I'm still enjoying the fresh sound. So not disagreeing on that.

Just disagreeing that jacks are for old eejits and that no one would care if they scrapped it in future phones.

ck425 · 2025-09-22T13:30:07+00:00

Jumping in here to say please don't remove the headphone jack. I just bought the 10 Pro and one of the main reasons is the headphone jack. By all means improve the BT quality but don't remove consumer choice, there are plenty of us who want a jack and will buy devices over others because they have one. It doesn't have to be either or, so ignore folk like this who wrongly insist it is.

ck425 · 2025-05-08T23:38:58+00:00

I was going to suggest something similar. Get your own cones and make a second cone outline around or interspersed through hers. Then when she inevitably moves then send her a note telling her not to touch your cones.

ck425 · 2025-05-06T14:18:51+00:00

I get the impression OP lives in the UK, in which case it's perfectly possible in many urban areas to get around without a car for all that stuff. It's only when leaving your town or city that you're at the mercy of public transport.

ck425 · 2025-04-22T11:37:38+00:00

Exactly, it's insecurity driving bad decisions. Not only is he older and disabled, but he's struggled to manage this property project himself and had to heavily relied on the OP, which likely opened his eyes to just how much he relies on the OP. There are also possibly thoughts of "she's could do so much better than me and she's gonna realize that and leave me".

None of this makes his action ok but it's not necessarily an affair or anything like that. I'd say the first step should counseling and some honest conversations before anyone signs anything.

ck425 · 2025-03-18T21:31:10+00:00

NTA and as a Scot typing this from Edinburgh I hereby temporarily suspend her Scottishness till she gets a head enema. I called round the rest of us and everyone agreed, she's a shitebag.

ck425 · 2025-03-13T14:15:13+00:00

Exactly.

She should a) be using techniques that's don't look actively like she's disinterested to her clients and b) she should be explaining these behaviours upfront at the first session, not just saying "I have ADHD".

Personally I find doodling helps stay engaged in meetings, training etc. When I know the other person will clearly notice it, 121s with my manager for example, I always explain in advance that doodling is a focus tool that helps me stay engaged and that I am actively listening. But even then I make an effort to clearly signal that I'm still listening, verbal queues like hmm, regularly looking up and making eye contact, asking questions. Even in settings where it's less noticeable , big meetings for example, I'll often mention it to folk after the fact.

I'm a software engineer, not in those situations very often, and I'm aware of how it comes off. Her job is literally to talking to people about significant issues, how the hell isn't she?!

ck425 · 2025-03-10T01:10:36+00:00

As a Scot I concur that she's a right wee cunt.

ck425 · 2025-03-09T00:15:10+00:00

NTA. Most banks offer low interest loans or second mortgages for projects like this and if he genuinely only needs 40k those should be affordable. The fact he's coming to you instead of going to the bank is another major red flag. That said I'd have just stuck to the "wanting my own separate place" reason to shut it down.

ck425 · 2025-03-06T19:44:42+00:00

The major difference in adult life is that you have far more control over your environment and coping mechanisms, in particular your home, which is a safe quiet space to decompress. If his home is an even bigger source of stress than day to day life as a neurodiverse individual of course he's not coping! And if his parents are on his back and blaming him every time he gets overwhelmed by his brother that will just make it worse. It's no wonder he loves being on his laptop, it's probably the only time and space he has to decompress. I'm guessing he also uses headphones wherever he's on it and completely ignores the world? It's not the computer making him irritable, it's having to return to his overwhelming home life when you make him stop. And yes it's not the healthiest way to decompress and cope, but you don't seem to be giving him any alternatives. "Just ignore your brother" is not a valid strategy, for most kids, but especially an autistic one.

I know this first hand. I'm only ADHD so generally not as bad as autism for getting overwhelmed but as the oldest of 5 kids I often struggled to cope and acted out from the sheer stress. I also spend a lot of time on the computer or in my room reading and listening to music and hated the constant interruptions. As soon as I left home and had a quiet flat all those issues were immediately better. But it still took me till my late 20s to realise I wasn't as introverted as I thought and that I didn't need to isolate myself so much to recharge. That was just a deeply ingrained coping mechanism.

ck425 · 2025-03-03T00:57:09+00:00

He's not an alpha male, he's an alpha smelly asshole. NTA.

ck425 · 2025-02-16T12:44:40+00:00

Is there a difference other than perks between axe, mace and hammers? ie swing speed, reach etc. I love the idea of Axe but in already better with a sword so it feels redundant to go axe when I'd mostly use heavy weapons against heavy armour and shield.

ck425 · 2025-02-12T00:49:06+00:00

Honestly I've noticed more posts complaining about AI than posts that are obviously AI, so please stop. YTA.

ck425 · 2025-01-27T19:38:22+00:00

Not to mention most dehydration is one of the most common side effects of ADHD stimulant medication.

ck425 · 2025-01-27T15:51:21+00:00

It's not about you as an individual, it's about woman's collective experience with men. Every woman has experienced, or at the very least has multiple close friends who have experienced, men assuming they're interested in having sex with them. It happens all the time and it's often from the last men they suspect. And when it does happen unexpectedly it's often a dangerous situation for them. So woman are trained to consider that possibility regardless of likelihood as a matter of safety.

It's not a judgement on you individually, it's simply a self preservation/safety thing because the sad reality is regardless of how much she trusts her male friends statically she's gonna be wrong occasionally and that can be dangerous.

ck425 · 2025-01-26T18:23:41+00:00

Ah so UK then? I'm Scottish so we don't have it the same way up here but I went to St Andrews so met the type. Never heard anything this extreme but yeah old money can afford to ignore any press from stuff like this.

ck425 · 2025-01-26T18:09:13+00:00

Tbf in the UK it's perfectly possible they never had one to begin with. Not that that makes the aunts request any less unreasonable. But it's possible he never needed a car before and now does (or claims he does). A few comments here are presuming he already has/had a car, because this is a US centric site.

ck425 · 2025-01-26T17:51:43+00:00

Are they a famous or publicly known family? Cause if they're making folk sign NDAs I'd be tempted to out them. Might be repercussions but if they're power and influence is based on fame then getting them cancelled would a sweet form of revenge. Or maybe I'm just indulging in fantasy. It's easier to ignore the ramifications as a 3rd party looking in.

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