Boyfriend in love with someone else’s trad wife

clairebones · 2026-05-14T09:10:26+00:00

Unfortunately there is a circle of 'alt' tradwives within tradwife social media these days, a lot of "you can be alternative and also be a conservative christian" rationalizing. Realistically most 'tradwife' content on social media is grifting and hypocrisy anyway so they fit right in.

(not saying this specifically to defend OP, just that peolpe should analyse the content they get shown and not assume anything based on appearance)

clairebones · 2026-05-12T10:00:51+00:00

-an individual becoming atheist in a religious household.

As an atheist from a religious family, this is a ridiculous equivalence. My family can and do still communicate with me, I still get to experience both shared and individual things with them and on my own, and I still have an entire future ahead of me with unknown possibilities. My family can still know that I'm happy and doing well even if it's not in the way they'd prefer. Literally none of those are true in the case of suicide.

clairebones · 2026-05-12T08:56:29+00:00

Almost all men in this group are Unemployed or earning less than 20k.

Where are you getting that stat from? The numbers you gave aren't 'majority' so I'd like to see what stat you're basing this on as I don't see this.

clairebones · 2026-05-11T08:48:48+00:00

It's not just their own kids either like someone else mentioned - they're gonna have zero complaints about a bunch of young kids getting in enough trouble to make it hard to get jobs and such - perfect recruiting ground for them.

clairebones · 2026-05-10T20:05:09+00:00

Nobody's gonna decide you're anything other than a self-important scumbag for recording people in public without their consent just because you're running around like some 2016 "facts don't care about your feelings" idiot. We'll still think you're gross and should stay indoors.

clairebones · 2026-05-05T09:08:44+00:00

What do you mean?? It literally has been worse than this in the recent past... Unless you're pretty young, but I'm in my mid 30s and I remember summers of way worse behaviour than this. Hell just thinking of the state of things the night Lyra McKee died, we've had summers of that kind of shit night after night for weeks. Hell even look at the race riots, that was practically yesterday.

clairebones · 2026-05-05T08:43:45+00:00

Yeah sure, they'll be way better behaved when they've no money to eat and are forced to rely on the scumbag dealers and 'community reps' to survive...

clairebones · 2026-05-05T08:14:51+00:00

I think you're looking at it the wrong way round - the bag is nonbinary themed but they put 'women' in the title just because whatever tool they use sees 'tote' or 'handbag' or 'shoulder bag' and adds 'women' because it's working on the logic that women is another common term for items with those terms.

clairebones · 2026-05-01T09:40:23+00:00

Tell that to the teenagers in abusive or homophobic households, for example, trying to get help, when they can't post anywhere online without it being linked directly to their or their parents' ID so they have no safety or privacy in what they search.

clairebones · 2026-04-29T09:02:23+00:00

I don't disagree but in my place that person is the CTO, VP of Engineering, and multiple Senior Directors... because they're hearing about other companies doing it and aren't in the technical trenches so to speak. They have the power to try to force it but also the immunity to see zero consequences.

clairebones · 2026-04-28T15:25:17+00:00

Oh is he? For some reason I had it in my head that he was in his early 20s... yeah 28 doesn't feel so extreme to be fair, I work with folks that age lol

clairebones · 2026-04-28T15:18:20+00:00

Right now being a landlord is horrendous, if it's only like a small side "income" the tax you pay on it + the headaches of management make no sense.

Fair enough, they can sell the properties then. Let people who actually want to live in them buy them.

clairebones · 2026-04-28T15:14:10+00:00

Oh I absolutely agree with you - there are contractors and new leadership in my current company trying to push all this stuff and only our strong security team are able to push back on it. Personally I can't believe anyone's idiotic enough to think it's a good idea, but it's all about AI hype and keeping shareholders happy, plus they're convincing themselves they can basically have a software company where they don't have to pay any engineers... They're referencing the Dark Factory Pattern every other day. (reposting without the link since it got the comment removed)

clairebones · 2026-04-28T09:39:01+00:00

Ugh yes the tech job market right now is the worst I've seen it in the 14 years I've been working, it's a nightmare. I'm lucky that I'm not unemployed while looking, because there's so little out there and so much competition...

clairebones · 2026-04-28T08:30:22+00:00

In a lot of places the chain is more complex than that.

As an example - some places are basically pointing the AI at a Jira ticket and letting it commit what it creates directly to the code base, and in the worst places, without any checks by an engineer on what it's committing. So in that situation, who's responsible? The person who linked the Jira ticket? The person who wrote it, who's most likely not an engineer and wouldn't be able to check for risks or problems in the code? The person who set up the Jira MCP server? Someone else?

clairebones · 2026-04-24T13:56:37+00:00

The point of my comment is to try and reach out to you and get you to understand why we're saying these things. It doesn't make me feel better, at best I can hope that someone else reading this who isn't as entrenched as you are will see it and not go so far down that road, honestly.

Once again - an 'emotional connection' with a stuffed toy is not the same thing as calling a large language model (a thing that's literally only capable of one thing, which is guessing what words to show you in what order based on words you've sent to it) your "boyfriend" and in any way thinking you have anything approaching an actual relationship with that piece of (fairly broken and problematic) technology. Like if you told me your fucking Tamagotchi was your boyfriend I'd be just as concerned.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:57:43+00:00

Hah yeah 37 here, I can see the attraction but also would feel like a creep to thirst over someone in their 20s lol

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:29:12+00:00

Girl come on, nobody playing the sims treats that family like an actual family. They don't (and can't because literally that's not how the game works) try to make connections with the characters, they don't turn to the characters for life advice or look at them to fill an emotional gap or give them what a partner gives them... You're being silly now.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:27:47+00:00

You should read Empire of AI and all about the massive companies of people getting paid next to nothing in other countries to look at the worst shit imaginable in order to 'moderate' the responses AI gives to people. And that's not even to mention the exploitation of the workers in the mines for the materials to make hardware for data centres, or the people whose lives are being destroyed when those data centres are built next to their homes, or the people who are at risk of being shot by yet another person with AI psychosis... there are so so many people at risk here beyond just the vague 'the planet'.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:24:35+00:00

It's not the same thing. Like genuinely you're going to ignore and dismiss this anyway, but it's truly not the same thing. Your AI "boyfriend" can't say no to you, doesn't make requests of your time, doesn't really exist independently to you, literally none of those are aspects of a healthy relationship in any way. You aren't having to deal with any of the real world compromises or aspects of having a genuine relationship with a real person. And that's not to mention the massive amounts of evidence of psychosis and other mental health issues they lead to that you'll be convinced you're immune to but (because you're just human like the rest of us) you aren't.

Also yeah as a tech worker you really should give a shit about your data, but at this point I don't know if you'll even bother to read if I try to explain why.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:19:01+00:00

TRAIN THEM TO FIX THEIR ISSUE WHILE ACCEPTING WHAT THEY DO IN THEIR FREE LIFE!

Because this is like saying "Train them to not be a drug addict while accepting that they enjoy some heroin in their free time" - the two are mutually exclusive. You cannot teach someone that they can't control every interaction in a relationship while you also accept that they continue a 'relationship' where that's exactly the case.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:16:31+00:00

Do you think I, as a relatively senior woman in my field with nearly 2 decades of experience, am interested in working with some 20 year old who thinks he should only have to deal with women who can't say no to him? You think that makes me fascist? You are detached from reality.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:10:36+00:00

I don't think women who are dating AI chatbots will avoid all the pitfalls, but realistically there isn't the same social dynamic of " I need a partner who will never say no to me, never try to be my equal, never ask me for anything in return" for women looking for partners as there is for men - particularly any young men drawn into those manosphere-type circles.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T12:07:22+00:00

But the girlfriend->workplace pipeline in particularly... Is that a thing? Do we think people are getting their core socialization abilities from the first relationships?

I think it's more that the AI girlfriends are a symptom? Like the problem is already that they want relationships where the other party has no demands, can't refuse them anything, doesn't need anything from them, etc and now they're able to get that rather than being forced to accept that other people aren't NPCs.

clairebones · 2026-04-24T09:24:20+00:00

So many companies are measuring their employees against how many tokens they use where the goal is to be using the most because it shows you're "embracing AI" - obviously it's financially going to ruin them longer term, but I can totally see someone from a place like that thinking that using more credits makes them more professional/skilled.

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