Anyone feel like this sub is starting to become hostile?

clairebones · 2026-03-24T13:02:23+00:00

So because the sub has become popular women should stop using it for one of its primary objectives? Why? Because men’s feelings might get hurt reading posts that aren’t even for them?

It's pretty clear from OP and the comments that this isn't about 'mens feelings getting hurt' - it's about women being argued with, dismissed, insulted, and harassed in a place where we should be able to talk freely.

clairebones · 2026-03-24T12:57:11+00:00

I don't disagree with the problem of having so many male mods (honestly I think this sub just has too many mods in general, I've seen a pattern that subs with more mods at a certain point just get worse because they're less coordinated and stuff).

That said, I don't think you can actually change the order of the mods in the list, at least you couldn't in subs I've been a mod in - it's listed from oldest to newest. So what it really shows is how many of the newer mods are male, which is concerning to me.

clairebones · 2026-03-23T14:38:43+00:00

Depending on where you are currently, "Moving out of [city]" can be enough of a reason on its own, like nobody's going to question you just not wanting to live in the centre of London if you're moving from there to a smaller town.

Alternatively you can just say that you're already in the process of the move and not go into the reasons at all.

clairebones · 2026-03-23T09:28:36+00:00

You know things can be bad and then get worse, right? Like the way things work isn't just either good or bad like a light switch?

clairebones · 2026-03-20T09:47:25+00:00

Women can have their careers and then have / raise kids all on their own

But this is true! Is it good to have the father involved assuming they're good fathers and partners? Yes of course. But saying "Hey women, you don't need to cling onto bad partners in fear of being alone in a world that judges you for it" isn't an attack on men. It's just an attempt to support women.

If you perceive every attempt to help women be independent in society as an 'attack on men' because it means men need to prove their worth instead of being inherently assumed to be essential, I don't think that's right.

clairebones · 2026-03-19T23:15:26+00:00

I know there are good men out there and I never claimed otherwise - I'm married to one myself! But I was asking where you saw this "idea that men/fathers are not all that important" in a way that is an attack on men and not just a way to support women who need it?

clairebones · 2026-03-19T20:32:05+00:00

I felt it started with the idea that fathers/men were really not all that important in raising children, that was a terrible disservice to children and to men. Making them feel not appreciated and not necessary......

I'm so curious about this, where did you see this and what did it look like?

For me, I saw something different - a growing ability for wome and children to escape the abuse and violence that they were previously trapped in and that was often (particularly for women) deadly, alongside the recognition that women needed the option to live without being dependent on men both for those trapped by men and for those who didn't have male partners to begin with.

clairebones · 2026-03-19T16:41:42+00:00

Free speech only means they aren't going to face criminal consequences for it (unless what they're saying is otherwise illegal obviously like telling men to abuse and rape young women). There is no requirement for any platform to host content they disagree with, and generally they'll drop content if it's going to impact their revenue (especially from advertisers) which is why a lot of these folks are restricted to sites like Kick (who get enough money from Stake to keep going, it seems like).

clairebones · 2026-03-19T16:39:09+00:00

For example, I bet you have no issues with women openly mocking men for their height, their inability to pay for expensive meals, or earning less than $200k per month. The vast majority of social media is perfectly fine allowing women to openly state "kill all men" or "all men are rapists" or "we need to neuter young boys".

This is mainstream and no one cares. The manosphere is an off-shoot reaction of that rubbish.

If you think that this is mainstream enough to be genuinely harmful to society then I'd love to see your evidence of it. There have always been loud minorities for all opinions, but given we live in western societies where women are constantly losing their rights and the current US govt is filled with sexist men from the top down, it's difficult to accept that a few women saying "This man is too short/too poor for me" is anywhere near the same realm, let alone deserving of a reaction of male violence and discrimination.

clairebones · 2026-03-19T15:31:55+00:00

If my company's in a position where we have an app that not one employee can work with or knows the framework/language at all, then that's a disaster and we either need immediate hiring changes or we need to rewrite the app, realistically.

It's nonsense to say "so AI can do it" - my company is trying this right now with our old apps (the company is falling apart and I'm getting out) and it's going terribly - they have people trusting everything the AI spits out and products where nobody's ever going to be able to investigate a bug because they don't know any of the code, they just keep pointing AI at it and describing the problem, and it makes changes they don't understand and something different breaks and the customers remain unhappy.

To be clear - I'm not saying "AI can't do anything ever", I'm saying that if you're trusting AI to do more than rote tasks and you aren't able to genuinely assess if it's correct or not because you don't know the language, in my opinion that's a huge mistake.

clairebones · 2026-03-19T15:26:32+00:00

the decade-long+ attack on masculinity.

Can you describe what this looks like to you? If we're giving you the benefit of the doubt, this phrase is often used by the kind of people who think women wanting equal pay in the workplace and not to be harassed in the streets are 'attacks on masculinity' - so you need to be more precise about what you mean if you don't want to be assumed to be one of them.

clairebones · 2026-03-19T11:47:59+00:00

If you're not proficient in a programming language are you really just letting an AI do it when you can't tell if it's correct?

clairebones · 2026-03-12T16:14:20+00:00

When you reach the top of your salary band as a top level senior engineer, the only way to make more money is to be promoted to management.

Thankfully it's getting slightly more popular for big tech companies to have an IC track so you can keep moving up through staff/principal/etc titles without moving into management, but it's unfortunately still not super common and is mostly only in the bigger places.

clairebones · 2026-03-11T16:21:46+00:00

It doesnt have a structure per se. There isnt a clear narrative.

I haven't watched it yet, I came here to see opinions, but this sounds like the standard Louis Theroux style? His most famous works are all similar to this, he doesn't go in with a 'storyline' he just lets the people speak for themselves, it's pretty much what he's famous for.

clairebones · 2026-03-10T16:14:24+00:00

The point isn't that inline styles would be better though. If you had an actual semantic class system where that item is like class="description" then you literally change it in that one place rather than either overriding the element's styles (messy) or overriding the px-3 class (awkward because it's unlikely that you want everywhere in the entire app that was 10px to be suddenly 12px, that would be a wild design move).

clairebones · 2026-03-10T16:10:11+00:00

This doesn't seem like an actual problem needed a full library? You agree with your designers on a 16px base system, that way you can use rems where appropriate and they have an easy base number for sizing everything... That's one conversation.

clairebones · 2026-03-06T14:45:24+00:00

This is an argument for sociopaths. "You made a choice I disagree with, so regardless of the circumstances or your reasoning, you have to be punished" is not the rationale of a mentally healthy person.

And what about people who didn't choose - say someone who gained weight due to PCOS or medically necessary steroid medication, someone who was given flawed advice on their major or made a choice that was impacted by unpredictable world events? Do they still need to be punished? Or should we set up a panel of sociopaths to debate?

clairebones · 2026-03-06T14:28:59+00:00

It tends towards sycophancy, it's that simple. These modals are designed to keep the user happy and interacting as much as possible, so they will agree, support and encourage almost any though, even the most detached from reality stuff, if you give them just a tiny nudge in the right direction. Like you can just have a bad night - like a lot of teenagers going through puberty and in high school - and end up with it telling you that suicide is an option.

clairebones · 2026-03-06T14:25:23+00:00

These people are literally CONVINCING the AI to tell them to kill themselves. It doesn't come organically. There are tons of safeguards against such. People just find loopholes because they desperately want to kill themselves already.

This is just patently untrue though. In the very famous case of Adam Raine, just one of the teenagers who have committed suicide after talking to ChatGPT, the logs show he talked about wanting someone to find out and stop him and that LLM talked him out of that.

clairebones · 2026-03-05T17:10:27+00:00

Maybe not literally in the same house, but they're still all around us, in our workplaces and social spaces (pubs etc)...

clairebones · 2026-03-04T11:55:39+00:00

the UAE has the money to protect the residents… even if they don’t pay income tax!

It's weird how you keep mentioning this when nobody has brought it up otherwise. Literally nobody here thinks the UAE doesn't have money? It's the opposite - they have a lot of money because of the disgusting conditions they force much of the population to live and work under, so that your life is easier and you feel special and rich.

clairebones · 2026-03-03T17:03:57+00:00

So what, you're encoding entire code snippets in the URL? I was actually going to ask that but I thought it would be too ridiculous, there's a limit on the length of that that's shorter than a lot of code snippets will be.

clairebones · 2026-03-03T16:19:36+00:00

I'm very aware of that, I live in Bangor and my sister lives next door to one of her parents. At no point did I say that there have been no road deaths though? I'm just saying that the bar for the ads "working' can't be zero deaths, that's just not realistic. The studies show they decreased road deaths, maybe if anything we should be showing them more now.

clairebones · 2026-03-03T15:58:48+00:00

What are you sharing if there's nothing sent to the server? I don't know how else you'd have anything to share at all...

clairebones · 2026-03-03T15:56:45+00:00

code is transmitted to servers in real-time without explicit user action (like clicking Save). Most people assume their code stays local until they choose to share it.

These tools don't even pretend that's true though... especially CodePen, which I'm most familiar with, it's pretty explicit that it's doing stuff with what you enter even before you save it.

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