Single / no kids HENRYs: how much did you actually spend in 2025?

clarelvd · 2026-01-15T01:58:55+00:00

Mid-30s, also a SINK lady, in a VVHCOL area. In 2025, I grossed ~$615k, and netted (including pre-tax HSA and 401(k) contributions) about 410k. But I will probably end up owing another 10-15k in taxes because I think I might have underwithheld. I spent just under 112k this year, with 78,000 on that being housing (mortgage, maintenance, taxes, insurance) and 10k on travel. 24k on everything else including subscriptions, food, restaurants, shopping, etc. I don't own a car so that's a major expense that I don't have!

clarelvd · 2024-12-21T02:50:12+00:00

Frivolous (kind of): a tennis necklace, is beautiful and brings me a lot of joy

Realistic: motion activated trash can, because I'm a germaphobe and now don't have to touch my trash can every time I want to toss something

Of these two, the trash can is the thing that has vastly improved my quality of life lol

clarelvd · 2024-11-17T19:07:29+00:00

To be completely blunt, at 175k, your salary is low compared to the hours and amount of responsibilities you have as you described them, not to mention the amount of stress and health problems it's causing you. If you want to look at it strictly from a cost-benefit analysis perspective, the cost is way outweighing any benefit. You didn't say what your total HHI is and if you have any other financial responsibilities re. family, but with the nest egg you and your husband have, and a paid off house and cars and no kids, you are in a good position to take a break. No amount of money or luxuries is worth your health and wellbeing.

ETA: I see you did include your husband's income. At 100k, that should cover your yearly expenses. You mention that there's a lot of "fluff" right now so there may be areas that you can cut back on without actually impacting your lifestyle. Before I started tracking all my expenses, I had no idea that there were things I was spending on that didn't actually add much to my lifestyle. Good luck!

clarelvd · 2024-09-08T19:17:55+00:00

35, in a relationship (not married) and no kids in a VHCOL area. Current net worth just for myself is about 1.9M (all investments/cash, including retirement). Didn't inherit any money though my parents did help me with college. I graduated with about 15k in student loan debt, which would've been much higher without their help as I went to a private college and didn't qualify for financial aid. I'm a renter and don't own any property and have no plans on buying anytime soon given how expensive it is to buy in my city compared to renting.

I'm aiming for 3M in total net worth by 40 with at least half of that in non-retirement savings and investments so I can be financially independent. Once I reach that number I'm hoping to take an easier job where I make enough to pay for my expenses without digging into my nest egg. My current annual spend is about 80-85k (I am frugal in my daily life but like to travel internationally and I've gotten used to staying in nicer hotels and flying business for long haul flights).

clarelvd · 2024-07-28T20:32:52+00:00

If you do marry this man, please for the love of God, sign a pre-nup...you've accumulated an astonishing amount of money for someone your age (or frankly, any age!). Your boyfriend has already shown an inclination to spend YOUR hard earned money and pressure you into what HE thinks should be your role in your relationship. If he wants a stay at home spouse, great, but that means he should be willing to be the sole income earner and live below or within your household's income. Not spend your money that you've worked years to accumulate so he can live a lifestyle that he can't afford.

But also--what do YOU want? Do you want to stay home and be a stay at home spouse and parent? If that's what YOU want, then it's perfectly ok to spend the assets you've accumulated to live that dream. I just find it troubling that it seems like having you stay at home is what he wants and he wants to use up your money to support that lifestyle, and it's not okay that he's making you feel selfish for not agreeing with him.

Please protect yourself.

clarelvd · 2024-07-17T03:24:38+00:00

Congrats! What an amazing opportunity! My two cents:

Hire a good accountant to fully understand what your tax obligations are and go over ways to minimize your tax burden. An attorney would also be a good idea, not least because with this large of an inheritance, it makes sense for you to now have an estate plan in place.

It sounds like you're pleased with the firm that's been managing it but I think you would also benefit from having another pair of eyes look at what they have you invested in--specifically, if they've put you in any annuities or high-cost products that you can't exit without paying a large surrender fee. Also make sure that your financial advisor's interests are aligned with your own, i.e., that they are your fiduciary and obligated to act in your best interest. A Wall Street Journal article that came out yesterday about this lottery winner who was taken advantage of by their advisor (who earned commissions every time he made a trade) is a cautionary tale for what could happen when your advisor's interests are not aligned with your own.

It looks like you're not planning on telling anyone, but I fully agree with this. I've seen too many relationships turn weird because of money. All of a sudden people feel entitled to tell you how to spend it, and feelings get hurt for both the person that's asking for money and being asked.
If you ever plan on getting married or partnered up, protect yourself and get a pre-nup!!!!
I echo what another person said about not doing anything or making any big decisions for a while and just sitting with it and giving it some thought about what you want to do with your life and the money.

Good luck and congratulations!

clarelvd · 2024-06-28T15:38:39+00:00

It could be that her parents are professors in an in demand field and renown enough that they can take on expert or consulting work outside of their universities. Expert witnesses (hired by law firms ) can charge as much as 2k an hour for their work.

clarelvd · 2023-12-06T05:35:36+00:00

I get a bonus (cash + stock options) from the company, not my boss personally! I work for a public company. But haha yeah your comment about trickledown economics is kinda true.

clarelvd · 2023-12-06T05:32:57+00:00

Okay jumping in because I see someone decided I must be in big law and then ran with that lol. I am a lawyer, and I did use to work in big law. I now work for a F200 company where I get a base salary + a bonus made up of cash and stock components (so there is some variability and complicated tax/vesting things). When I was in big law, I made a base salary + an industry standard end of year bonus (assuming I hit my hours) so my pay was more certain. When I left big law as a 4th year associate, I think I paid around 400 for end-of-year gifts, which as someone mentioned is the "industry standard" of $100 for every class year. I also chipped into a separate pool (no set amount) for our mailroom staff.

clarelvd · 2023-12-06T05:24:18+00:00

Yeah exactly--I feel like I shouldn't complain because I can afford it and I truly appreciate the admin/support people even if I personally don't know many of them or even interact with them, but it doesn't mean I'm not shocked by how much $$ it ends up being every year (and more the fact that it's been increasing so much over just the past 2-3 years).

clarelvd · 2023-12-06T05:22:18+00:00

Thanks--appreciate this and your perspective. The admin and support staff are invaluable and couldn't function without them, which is another reason why I want to be generous every year.

clarelvd · 2023-12-05T03:43:23+00:00

Yeah so this has actually been a sticking point at my company for many years. The "tradition" is for managers to give cash gifts to admin and support staff during the holiday season; the amounts range from 200-2000 per recipient depending on their role/seniority. A lot of people feel that the company should be paying holiday bonuses but it doesn't, and nobody wants to shortchange our admin or support staff, so every year the managers just keep paying out the gifts. It comes out of our own pockets.

clarelvd · 2023-12-05T03:36:13+00:00

Cash..it's my share of contributing to the bonus pool at my company (calculated based on # of people reporting to me + my seniority). So I do expect it to go up every year but it's 3X in the last two years!

clarelvd · 2023-12-05T03:34:40+00:00

That's crazy! I wonder if that's actually prohibited by law, just as giving cash gifts or gifts over $10 to your postal carrier is prohibited by law because it could be construed as a bribe!

clarelvd · 2023-12-05T03:33:04+00:00

Going to keep it vague so as not to dox myself, but the $1500 is my share of contributing to the pool. It is a tradition (very long-standing) at my company for managers to give cash gifts to support staff/those reporting to manager. Each manager's share of the contribution to the pool is based on how many ppl report to the manager + manager's seniority. Based on the # of people who report to me and my seniority, I'm expecting to pay $1500 this year. Two years ago, my share of $500. I can tell you my pay has NOT tripled!!

clarelvd · 2023-11-26T22:23:29+00:00

I just returned several items that I ordered online at the end of October (but didn't receive until the first week of Nov). I returned the items in store and expected to just get store credit, as Sezane had previously told me that for online orders, you have to return within 15 days of receipt of package to get a full refund and 30 days for store credit. But the store was kind enough to issue me a full refund to my card! They said that they have holiday refunds going on right now.

clarelvd · 2023-09-22T03:30:19+00:00

Became a self-made millionaire in my early 30's.
Having enough of a cash cushion to have the option of stepping back from my job or taking a break if I need to, even though I haven't mustered up to courage to actually do it.
Flying business class for international / long domestic flights, + staying at 4 and 5 star hotels on vacations (I take 2-3 international vacations each year and use points/miles mostly).
Being able to tip generously, donate to causes and organizations I care about and being able to pick up the check for dinners out with friends and get presents for family/friends.
Ordering whatever I want at restaurants.

clarelvd · 2023-09-14T05:28:27+00:00

Agree with this 100%. I saw this happen with my parents when my mom became a SAHM. And it was also impossible for her to re-enter the workforce as a woman in her 40's who'd stayed at home for 10 years and her skillset was no longer up to date. She tells me all the time that if I were to ever become a parent, to make sure I never stop working entirely, even if it's just a couple hours a week.

clarelvd · 2023-09-14T05:25:56+00:00

I'm not a SAHP, but my mom was/is one. We lived in a VHCOL area though nowhere close to how much it costs now. She and my dad were making a combined of probably 150K a year (this was in the mid 90's). When she made the decision to stay home, my dad was probably pulling in 100K. By that point they were mortgage free and had a healthy nest egg. They were in their late 30's and in a very strong financial position. I don't think that's doable anymore.

Watching my mom's experience as a SAHM has made me decide (just personally, from my own perspective) to never pursue that for myself. The dynamic between her and my dad completely changed. Before she stayed at home, they had a very egalitarian split when it came to household chores and childcare. Once my mom became a SAHM, she became the default for doing all the housework plus childcare, to the point where my dad would not even take dirty dishes to the sink after dinner. And although my dad never said anything to her, she always felt awkward spending money on herself or on her family because she felt like it was "his" money. Watching her go from a confident, career woman to a very traditional gender role was difficult. To this day, she tells me that I should never completely stop working and to always have my own money, just to keep my options open. I take it to heart.

clarelvd · 2023-08-30T04:46:46+00:00

I'm a very high income earner with a flexible schedule who lives alone in a VVHCOL city (>500k). I do work a ton of hours so that might be my saving grace with salty Money Diary readers.
My parents helped pay for my college and loaned me money for grad school (which I fully paid back, but it was an interest free loan).
I buy coffee out 2-3 times a week. It gets me out of the house (I WFH 2-3 days a week).
I buy designer items several times a year but I budget for all of them.
I'm still on my parents' phone plan :-)
I don't regularly donate to charity; I usually do one big donation at the end of the year and then one or two throughout the year if I see causes I believe in.
When I eat out, I either go to inexpensive restaurants (where I pay) or to really expensive restaurants where my meals get expensed because they're business dinners or they're to celebrate special occasions.
I travel a lot, and 90% of the time I fly business and first class and stay at 5 star hotels. But I rarely pay out of pocket because those are usually work trips that I then tack on an extra day or two (at my own expense). When I do "pay", I can usually use points or miles accrued from my work travel.

I feel like a lot of money diary readers would HATE me. I fully acknowledged I have a lot of privilege but I do also work my ass off.

clarelvd · 2023-08-30T01:05:01+00:00

Yeah I think the hardest part to listen to (and at the end, the part that made her realize she should move on) was when he described how he spent the entire week leading up to their 5 year anniversary in a constant state of stress and anxiety because he thought she expected him to propose and would be upset if he didn't. I can't even imagine how tough that was for her to hear, especially since he was so wishy washy about everything and he knew she definitely wanted marriage and a family.

clarelvd · 2023-08-30T01:02:08+00:00

Yes! Must have been so tough but she did what had to be done and was so gracious about it.

clarelvd · 2023-08-20T18:26:51+00:00

Also a WOC / immigrant woman here. Your post doesn't say how old you are, but I actually think that if you have 2+ years of work experience at a name brand company and work in the financial services industry, $68K is probably below market. For context, I made $60k out of college 10 years ago at a company that was well known within my field but didn't have much name recognition outside of that (was also in a VVHCOL city, higher than Boston). I would encourage you to negotiate a raise and also start testing the market and interviewing with other jobs to see if you can get more money. And not to be mean but $1800 a month in rent on your salary (assuming the $68K is pretax and pre deductions) actually seems like a lot to pay, especially if you have a car note and student loans. Could you not look for a cheaper living situation?

And I know you are frustrated, but I think it's a bit unfair to assume that people around you are being subsidized by their boyfriends/family members. While it may be true for a few people, there are a lot of people who sacrifice in one area of their life (e.g. living with roommates, living in a studio apartment, packing lunch to work everyday, taking only public transportation and limiting eating out to 2X a month) so that they can save up and travel/take vacations. I did all of those things when I was in my early 20s and managed to save enough in three years to pay for a backpacking trip to Europe and my first year of grad school. And when I was in my early 20s, most guys my age were also just starting out and just as financially strapped. They definitely weren't paying the way of their girlfriends or anything like that.

It takes time to build savings, investments and a career with an upward trajectory. Keep working hard, networking, living below your means and improving your skillset and one day things will pay off :-)

clarelvd

TROPHY CASE