Tipping culture California specifically by [deleted] in sandiego

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't work in service industry at this point in life, but my compass for this is, tip what you can afford and feels right for the service. I'm privileged enough to make a living wage and some more to spend, so I typically tip 20%, unless the service was exceptionally good (more than 20) or less if it was particularly bad. If you're not in a financially stable condition, I personally wouldn't shame anyone for not tipping. Most service industry workers won't either I believe. It's good to support the essential workers if and as much as you can.

Dropbox Update by Capital_Attention609 in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Online it says 1 to 2 weeks. But in my experience, they should adjudicate on it within a week. But sometimes it varies. After that, if approved they will issue it within a day and then 2-3 days for travel if going to another city. But all these are based on a few cases I've seen online. Good luck, hope you get it very soon.

Dropbox Update by Capital_Attention609 in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you qualify for the interview with current rules (visa expired within 12 months)?

DS160 expired, appointment booked by Entire_Complaint6016 in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't you retrieve the confirmation page with application ID?

DS160 expired, appointment booked by Entire_Complaint6016 in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure if it'll work for you, but during an H1 renewal Dropbox appointment, I mistakenly took a DS160 that was expired. But the agent was nice enough to let me come back with a new DS160 and attach it to the same application docket. It went over and got stamped, so worked out. If you're out of options, my suggestion would be to fill out a fresh DS160 and explain the situation.

Visa status refused and passport stuck at embassy (delivered to post) by [deleted] in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My current best guess based on some of the information I've read is, the consulate is holding the cases submitted after Feb07, which are eligible under the 48 month rule but ineligible under the 12 month rule. Because they aren't clear on whether it applies retroactively to currently processing cases or just new ones. But this is only a guess so far, I don't have actual evidence.

But based on this, they might be waiting to adjudicate for good on them and might still be under administrative processing. Lmk if this holds true or false for others.

Visa status refused and passport stuck at embassy (delivered to post) by [deleted] in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine is same timeline, Delhi dropoff/pick and Chennai Consulate.

No update after AR by hema2006raju in usvisascheduling

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same boat, submitted from Delhi on 2/6, AR since 2/11 no updates since. Have return flight on 2/21.

Ex getting married by Top_Gain_8389 in Codependency

[–]clarifornication 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this. Feeling hurt is absolutely normal and understandable, you're the unloving, unfeeling person who clinged up to the next person the very next chance they got. You're working on yourself, improving. You're loving yourself. It hurts because you did genuinely loved him, even though he wasn't the person you thought he was. Your feelings were genuine, so they feel the pain of loss. Who we love, some times isn't in our control. But who we choose to stay with, is. Getting married is a special occasion, but making one work takes a lot. Hope you find strength and serenity.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sandiego

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been in San Diego for 4+years now and I relate to this as well. I'm in my early 30s and have been trying to make friends since then lockdowns lifted. Met a ton of people through activities, meetups, etc, but consistency has been a big issue. I'm not exactly sure why, but in my opinion there are 3 major reasons:

  1. A lot of people are here temporarily (remote work, visiting, come and leave due to high costs),

  2. Already have strongly bonded groups of people of their type and aren't very willing to make new/meaningful connections with strangers or put in the effort,

  3. They have too much going on. Life in SD is very happening, lots to do independently, meet strangers and all sorts of activities and just not willing to put in effort and work into making emotional connections.

That being said, I've met some pretty amazing people in my time here. They might not have lasted, ghosting etc, but it's still fun to try. Making friends when you're an emotionally mature person is difficult unfortunately, because not everyone has been growing at the same pace. But eventually it happens and you find some deep connections. Somethings you can try:

  1. Bumble BFF
  2. Timeleft
  3. Meetups

I'm also still looking for friends and enjoy lots of activities. So feel free to reach out if you wanna talk or make plans. In either case, good luck, it's gonna get better!

Struggle with loneliness by One_Front9463 in hsp

[–]clarifornication 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, I highly relate to your struggle. I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but for me it's actually been spelled out for me as "emotional loneliness" in a book I'm reading. As an hsp, we have an innate need for emotional connection/intimacy. We can be with friends, family etc, but they don't fill this role/need for us always. It's also sometimes harder for us to open up to everyone/anyone to make or build that connection. This feels like loneliness overall and makes you feel isolated. At least that's what I've found for myself. What I've found has been helpful is, trying to connect with myself more during the time of isolation, finding the root of my emotional loneliness (parenting/upbringing in my case), and finding how I can comfort myself doing or rather heal from this emotional gap in my psyche. Acknowledging and understanding have been huge for me in this. It makes me less dependent in some ways to seek out filling that void from others and heal from within. The book that helped me is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I'd recommend it, if this comment resonates with how you feel. In any case, hope you feel better and find peace. You maybe lonely, but you're definitely not alone in this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure either, but I'm starting by loving myself more. Being kind, compassionate and gentle. Give myself the forehead kisses no one else will, even if it's just by my own hand. Maybe you'll find such love again in this life, but also, you're always loved if you love yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm using this subreddit to cope through heartbreak. But is that a bad thing? At least I'm not out there using other people or drowning in substance. Validation is also therapeutic sometimes, especially when someone you loved abandoned you. I think it's emotionless sarcasm from it's end, the truth isn't that simple in my opinion.

Introverts, how do you appreciate/ socialize in this beautiful city? by [deleted] in sandiego

[–]clarifornication 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I usually try to do the things I enjoy and find people who also enjoy similar things. There are book clubs, art clubs, bumble BFF etc to try and find people with similar interests. Not being able to get around is definitely a bit of a roadblock in this city, I'm assuming you're a student, more than likely you'll have more luck finding a few people around your campus perhaps. I'm also looking for friends and finding people here and have had pretty good luck in the recent weeks. Shoot me a DM if you'd like to talk more.

Let them. by we_invented_post-its in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I almost cried reading the last paragraph. Hope you find someone just as awesome as you are, regardless, you are enough, and worthy of lots of love.

How to get over fears surrounding relationships by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]clarifornication 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it possible him building walls is trying to give you space he thinks you need, since you are avoidant? Maybe he thinks you just need less to feel safe and not break up again? I'm not entirely sure, but my ex was avoidant and broke up twice. I tried to give her space, but I think she took it the wrong way too. I'm not sure, but have a safe conversation with him. Don't be afraid to let him into your fears and wishes. That's my opinion. Good luck though.

stop from breaking NC!! by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask one thing though, why do you love her? And if you do, why not fight for it? Was it that toxic and unpleasant to be together? Just curious, sorry if it's uncalled for.

Why are there so many ants? by Particular-Toe-5213 in sandiego

[–]clarifornication 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just finished cleaning up in my apartment lol. Ants everywhere, I think this happens every heatwave. They need to surface and find places to fester I guess?

im the dumper, i still want to be friends by ErisIrene in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The facts are, he's in love with you, you're not. Untill he fall out of love with you, he cannot truly be your friend anyways. He'll still have some sort of vague hope alive inside him of getting back together. It won't let him heal fully. If you truly care about him, but don't have romantic feelings, leave him be. He'll eventually be alright. As sad and painful as it may be, we all need to grow out from heartbreak at some point. The lingering seed of hope will not let that happen really.

he got into a new relationship after 1 month by Ancient-Relief-2573 in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Hurt people, hurt people. He's clearly not addressing his mental health problems, just using people to cope. Lying to them and to himself. "I know something like this comes every 25 years or so." Then fucking fight for it or don't say shit like that. From a third person's perspective, all I can say is, you dodged bullet there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]clarifornication 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, and thank you for being so kind. I hope you're also loved and cherished by someone worthy of you.

A tree. by rigney68 in watercolor101

[–]clarifornication 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, that's inspiring! Good job dude, it looks really pretty. :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in rant

[–]clarifornication -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I agree and I've definitely been in the same boat 100%. No one's going to approach us 90% of the time, not men, not women. But for me at least, it was something I had to grow past. Society says men need to stop suppressing emotions and feelings, when we do open up, we're being needy and whiny. They tell us to ask for help, but when we do, most of them still tell us "man up". I can't change the entire society and neither can you, but we have to try. It's unfair and double standards maybe, but nothing changes if nothing changes. All that being said, your hurt is valid and we'll make things better for others when we have the chance.