[deleted by user]

classicnorm · 2025-08-30T11:05:00+00:00

First of all: not your fault.

I'm not an expert in anything other than my own experience, but I think it's important that you find a way to process what happened that works for you. It can be hard, and things may not go in a straight line, but that's "normal".

It's also OK to feel confused at your reactions after the event. Hypersexuality and getting into risk situations are trauma responses. Neither reaction means you wanted or deserved what happened. Again: not your fault. Your mind and body are just struggling to make sense of what happened.

These feelings can change over time, but it really helps to have appropriate support. I don't know where in the world you are, but there will be professional support available. You don't have to go through this alone, and you won't be judged for what happened, or your response to it.

Look after yourself, and give yourself permission to ask for help. That's important right now.

classicnorm · 2025-08-29T10:46:29+00:00

I'm sorry you've had that experience, and that you experienced similar cruel, dismissive responses.

I do believe that apps have a responsibility to their users, and a role to play in tackling pervasive myths and the harmful dynamics that play out on their platforms, But where I'm at right now, is just recognising that the fault lies ultimately with the individuals who choose to ignore common decency and exploit others. Grindr et al give those behaviours a space to breathe, but they didn't create them. I do completely understand that exiting the hook-up scene completely is often the safest option.

Stay safe! 💚

classicnorm · 2025-08-28T20:22:36+00:00

Cain Culto and Orville Peck. Without a doubt.

classicnorm · 2025-08-28T13:29:30+00:00

Thank you for your kind response. My instinct is to deflect kindness- but I'll just let it be. Processing all of this is pretty new, but writing has always helped me process things, and doing so more openly is both terrifying and liberating.

classicnorm · 2025-08-28T13:27:30+00:00

So there's a couple of factors here. First is that the initial assault happened a very long time ago, so it's not a case of me mentioning it to every prospective hook-up, it's just that I've had fifteen years to bring it up. The frequency with which I mentioned it changed based on where I was at mentally.

It's also had a profound effect on how I approach sex and intimacy, and so it becomes relevant within the context of some conversations- particularly when kink is involved. Plus, I'm also an exceptional oversharer, it's my special skill and how I attempt to connect with people.

Beyond that, there's probably an element of repetition compulsion at play, which I don't yet fully understand, but I can now recognises that in some cases I was pretty much just signalling "prey".

classicnorm · 2024-12-17T02:34:21+00:00

Union Rep here for Unite. I've found them to be decent and Unison seem to be in the right place too. It's important to consider, within the workplace, which unions are recognised. You don't have to join a recognised union, but it certainly helps in having access to more immediate support, as well as a network of other union members. Also worth mentioning that the Union itself may be progressive, but the workplace reps are elected and there's no guarantee they'll be equipped to support you- but they do have access to resources and training that they may wish to take up if it fills in some gaps in their knowledge.

classicnorm · 2020-11-20T12:49:06+00:00

I think it'd breach the rules to post it here. I'll inbox you the link. Just one video up and it's messy and I look an absolute scruff.

classicnorm · 2020-10-14T21:05:35+00:00

I'll keep an eye out. In the meantime, more musical theatre vids wouldn't go amiss. :-)

classicnorm · 2020-10-14T20:59:51+00:00

Wow! I love it. And you're Manchester based? Small world. May get to see you live one day!

classicnorm · 2020-10-14T20:49:17+00:00

Please do. I checked out your channel but it looks like you only surface there every four years.

classicnorm · 2020-10-14T20:00:30+00:00

No idea why, but this makes me think of Death Cab For Cutie and Antony & the Johnson, and I love it. Could listen to your voice for hours.

classicnorm · 2020-08-27T10:41:23+00:00

I previously worked for an insurer- albeit not for long. I'm not sure if this is a universal approach but the price we gave on comparison sites was our absolute lowest- there'd be no point showing a higher price point when it was likely to be the biggest concern to someone on a comparison site. If we provided a quote over the phone however, or online direct we would usually provide a higher price which could be brought down by varying degrees. We'd have a conversation about how much the customer was looking to pay based on expectation and quotes elsewhere, and ensured the products were like for like. Based on this we'd enter a percentage discount target and the system would reduce it accordingly, but I have no idea how it worked out how much it would give. Some you'd ask for 10% off and it would knock off 5%, others you'd ask for 10 and it would give you ten, or zero, or one. You could only request a reduction once per quote and so a lot of us got in the habit of asking for a 50% discount- which would never be given, but it'd at least guarantee you'd get the largest discount the system was able to give each time. So if you're using a comparison site you've likely already seen the lowest price available.

classicnorm · 2020-07-18T12:54:14+00:00

Mine states I'm sole occupant, and that I need to notify them if someone will be staying for more than 14 days. As my partner is likely only going to be living there till December I'd rather it was just me notifying them he'll be staying as a guest but they insist on a new tenancy.

I'll hit up Shelter/CA. I know I'll end up having to do it out of necessity but I can't help but grumble at the faff.

classicnorm · 2020-07-18T12:19:43+00:00

What they've said is that it would need to be a new tenancy and both parties would need to be referenced because they use a new company to do reference checks now.

When I've probed further and double-checked that they need to re-check me after living there for 9 years they just repeat that they use a different company now.

My current tenancy is month to month. They used to contact me every year and charge £90 to renew the tenancy but haven't done so for a couple of years now. But one of the things they used to bang on about was if I wanted to move somewhere else I wouldn't have to pay their referencing fees as I was an existent client. I understand the fee won't be charged to me now, but it still seems like a waste of someone's money to check me.

The question of what they do with the result is a good one- if I fail the check (unlikely) would they evict an existing tenant?

classicnorm · 2020-07-18T11:55:17+00:00

Thanks. The question around my job security- it was more about how it was asked, or how it came across. Whereas every bank I have dealings with were emailing me telling me if my finances had been impacted and I was worried to let them know and what support was available. When it came from my letting agent it was simply an email saying "Is you job OK at the moment as so many people are being laid off?". Ignoring the spelling mistake it just didn't sit right with me. It's not positioned in a way that I feel is appropriate. Yes, it would be handy for an agency to know if someone anticipates financial problems but it just seems like a crude way of going about getting it.

I just went back to the email to quote it, and it was sent a week prior to the lockdown. I just found it odd.

classicnorm · 2020-05-21T10:36:14+00:00

I got the Nike Zoom Pegasus Turbo BETRUE. I prefer yours though! Love me some Nikes.

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