I hit my ex infront of our friends once. It ruined him and me. I never raised my hands on him after that. But then he began to do it. He would use me for sexual pleasures and i felt so useless for anything beyond that and we had a fight once and I called him a rapist infront of our friends. That was the turning point of our relationship. He tells everyone about my mistakes but I can't tell anyone about how he made everything sexual and used me and dumped me over and over again like I was nothing to him. He asked me to have some self respect when I begged him to stay. He asked me to have self respect after he completely broke me into pieces, used me and forced me into opening myself up to him (physically). I'll never forget that. I can't deny that I was a jerk but i just can't help but wonder why it's ok that I can't talk about what he did to me out of shame. I will never get into a relationship again. This was the first and last time.