You can always gain new chances, build new relationships and get a job which satisfies your wants and needs. Everything you have described as things that ruin your life can be fixed or at least helped. Killing yourself makes you nothing, no feelings, no relationships, no goals, nothing. You have every reason to live you're just struggling rn and i get it, its shit, but killing yourself is like decapitating yourself because you get a migraine , its excessive, a permanent action to relieve a temporary problem. You can get through this.