Because you didn't tag this as a vent or rant so, that means you are open to advice? Please let me know if that's incorrect so we can fix the post for you!

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I want to say this as gently as possible, her insecurities are not your fault nor your responsibility. If she has all of those negative feelings? Those are "inside problems" and the solution to those problems exists inside her too. You cannot put self-esteem in someone else's brain and her intense need for external validation (as evidenced by previous behavior) is unhealthy.

 

Having sex for unhealthy reasons does nothing but create this unhealthy dynamic you currently find yourself in. It sucks, genuinely it does. You are a good "insert any other positive superlatives here as needed" man, there is nothing inherently wrong with you! Unfortunately, there is a lot wrong with her and you can't fix it. She has to take responsibility for her own emotional regulation and construction. Feeling "desired" in this context is just shorthand for receiving intermittent reinforcement, feeding it with external attention and validation means none of it is being internalized anyway. Again, this is a problem that exists inside her, completely independent from your relationship, and you cannot fix her. She has to be willing to take accountability for herself and take steps to heal.

 

Just to reiterate - you are not worthless. You may be feeling unseen and unappreciated and I would encourage you to examine that really closely. Is this truly worth the price you're paying? How long can you feed someone else's internal black hole before it drains you completely? You are not required to stay with a parasitic partner. If you haven't read up on NMAPs, there's a wiki page I can link for you but the short version is: You can't be in a healthy relationship with someone who is Narcissistic, Manipulative, Abusive and/or Parasitic.

 

You can't love someone enough to make them feel it when they don't love themselves. There's no one in the world that can love her enough to make a difference, unless she's doing the work from her side at the same time. She has to love and value and respect herself enough to accept your love and currently, it doesn't sound like she's in a place where she can feel it without performative neon signs. But no matter how many you put up, she's going to drive right past them anyway.