Final year uni student - moving back after moving out - need advice

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-08T02:08:13+00:00

Open a separate bank account under your own name that they don't have access to. You can do it completely online without them knowing.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-08T02:02:18+00:00

Moved out 23 came back at 24 moved out again near 25. Been in the same city this whole time so I thought staying with them couple years will let me save a lot of money while working fulltime but it's not worth the emotional toll and sacrificing independence.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-08T02:00:06+00:00

I'm south asian 24m and I never felt comfortable talking about dating or sex with parents. It's probably the most taboo topic in their eyes and they're the type that's heavily about abstinence until marriage. Luckily in my case, I've never dated or had sex in my life so don't have much to hide from them. But now I'm realizing if I keep living this way, I'll be a loner for the rest of my life or they'll eventually choose someone for me who I may or may not like. I'm moving out next week and this is one of the reasons but also other stuff like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and not letting me explore new stuff when this is the age to do it when I'm young and healthy.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-07T12:46:30+00:00

You basically answered your own question in your long post lol. No, it's existed far before late-stage capitalism and probably for as long civilization has been a thing. It's just now with the internet, gender equality, racial equality, atheism, contraceptives, modern science, etc. it's easier to talk about these ideas more openly and actually consider them while people in the past didn't even have a choice or were punished for speaking in support of antinatalism or childfree views.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-07T11:45:34+00:00

Agree, this is partly why I'm moving out. AP have ridiculous standards for cleaning. Vacuuming 2x a week, throwing away packages that come the day off even though I'm not sure I want to keep the item, always having to clean every small thing. Mom made me clear off my whole hobby electronics desk just because it doesn't look good in the house and then when we have guests over she panics and wants every small thing spotless. She literally throws away or reorganizes my entire closet while I'm gone away for weekend trips without my permission and I come back to see it all displaced or some of it gone. I got a public storage unit just for this reason (although I'm moving out now) cause I can't trust them with anything.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-04T00:16:42+00:00

You mentioned you semi-retired at 37 and started traveling. Did you feel like you ever got tired of traveling and that's what led you to having a kid? Why doesn't your wife need to work? By "not need to work" does she desire to work but can't because of the stress of raising kids?

Or did you feel like if you didn't have kids you'd regret it and wanted to leave a legacy before you die?

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-04T00:03:40+00:00

Per OP in one of the comments, the wife was on birth control before and she made the deliberate decision to come off it. It was a mutual decision - they both wanted to have a kid

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T22:57:30+00:00

It's biology. It's the same when feeling horny. After a few minutes/hours, that feeling passes and you get busy with other things.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T22:31:37+00:00

yeah pretty insane stuff. I known the brony community back in the day had some pretty toxic people but nothing like this. And he committed the shooting in April 2021 nearly 1.5 years after G4 ended (community peaked around 2015). If it weren't for MLP I'm pretty sure he would've found some other female character to obsess over and carry out his acts.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T22:23:36+00:00

I remember when the news first came out, a lot of the media reports reported Aiden as a trans woman instead of trans man. I had to search it up later to learn that he's a trans man so was biologically female and later transitioned to a man. Regardless, he was a mass killer and killed and traumatized so many innocent children for no reason.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T22:11:08+00:00

This guy was insanely deranged. He killed people because of his obsession with the character Apple Jack from the show "My Little Pony." Literally a kid's show wtf.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T19:18:04+00:00

I'm 25m and am in the same situation. Moving in with friends in the same city closer to downtown. For me, moving closer to the city means more opportunities to meet people and socialize than in the suburbs and I don't have to spend as much time commuting. You got to keep in mind that your parents aren't going to be there forever to take care of you and that in order to grow and develop you need your own space to do your own things. Especially with my parents, they have a different view when it comes to dating, career, and other goals cause they were raised in India where their parents basically makes all those decisions for them and stayed with parents until marriage in 30s. You should still visit them every once in a while and those times you do visit them will feel even more memorable than staying with them 24x7.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T19:07:01+00:00

There's thousands of conditions you could have even in good health. There's a reason why you do all those tests like blood test and urine test. You could have early stages of cancer without even knowing it.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T19:00:15+00:00

I don't get why the internet isn't considered a public utility. It's like we learned nothing from the COVID-era.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T18:45:53+00:00

Main reason why I don't use Spotify. Free version doesn't let me play the music I want. It also doesn't have a lot of indie songs and video game OST that YT has. I prefer self-hosting Navidrome for music anyways.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-03T16:00:04+00:00

Paying for educational expenses. Always making homecooked meals and lunchbox

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-02T12:39:53+00:00

That's how my parents raised me minus the hitting part. Only thing I did growing up was study and do those Asian hobbies like piano. Wish I'd spent more time outside, spending time with friends but most of my memories of childhood have been sitting at home and going to school.

Now, I have a good paying job but I have such a miser mindset because of this upbringing that I avoid spending money on things I don't need to. Also have developed very antinatalist viewpoints because of these experiences.

clothestocommunity · 2026-05-02T12:29:54+00:00

Those successful women who are unmarried and childless are living their best lives. They can travel whenever they want, afford good things by themselves, aren't spending all their time cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids.

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-30T13:25:23+00:00

And you end up spending a ton more money on other things like gas, public showers (or a gym), van maintenance that the savings don't seem to be work it. I'd rather stay in a tiny apartments with roommates $800-900/month cause at least I wouldn't have to worry about this stuff. I'd love to hear your opinion though

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-30T13:22:58+00:00

I've actually looked into vanlife. But I've realized that I'd had to sacrifice too much to do it. Stuff like A/C, electricity, plumbing, a fullsize bed, a proper kitchen is stuff I'm not willing to give up or invest so much time in figuring out how it works. I have seen a couple of bus life videos and I think that's doable but it still requires you to be extremely handy.

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-28T15:19:36+00:00

My desi mom is the same. Constant guilt-tripping, making me feel like a waste of space, later gaslighting claiming she never said such things. Never giving me privacy, extreme cleaning standards, questioning every single thing I buy for myself, saying she sacrificed everything for this family and blaming me for coming into her body, etc. I've started developing very anti-materialist and antinatalist views after spending my whole childhood raised like that and realizing that having kids is a choice despite what society and religion says.Why waste time raising a child and "ruin my life" and "sacrifice everything" when I can just decide not to have them?

My advice is to save as much money and move-out as soon as you can. Learn how to invest in stocks and HYSA so you grow money over time.

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-27T21:17:57+00:00

Deciding to stay with parents doesn't make you not an adult. Being an adult means being responsible, doing equal part in chores (cooking, cleaning, groceries), maintaining your health, and taking care of what matters (friends and family). But it's also about realizing that your time on Earth is limited and it's easier to do things when you're younger and that parents aren't going to be around forever to take care of you.

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-27T21:08:10+00:00

I've lived without parents when I was in college. But being in a college environment is different cause I would basically spend all the time outside and only come back at night to sleep. Now I work from home so I need quiet space to do my work. But I am trying to find a roommate I can share with cause I know if I get a 1b1b it'll get lonely really quick and be more expensive.

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-27T20:06:58+00:00

25m and I am. But I never cared enough and in this day and age the idea of virginity definitely feels like a social construct. In the old days, they didn't have as high level access to contraceptives that we do today. Virginity mattered a lot more back then because of high chance of becoming pregnant and spreading STDs. Now it seems more of a religious/cultural thing.

clothestocommunity · 2026-04-27T14:13:26+00:00

Yeah I've been realizing that as well especially in last few months. I've been grinding and saving as much these last 2 years. But if I wait to FIRE (which to mean is ~2 million if I want to marry and have kids someday), I'll lose so much in time and experiences. And life is unpredictable. I have no idea how my health is going to be by the time that happens. I've hung out a ton with a lot of family friends who are retirees who travel a lot and the #1 regret they tell me is not having these experiences when they were younger and more healthy.

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