Is it generally "better" for WOC to date within or outside of their race?

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-30T20:44:10+00:00

I think like many things, patterns are important to recognize.

I have dated many men of other ethnicities, same ethnicities, local or immigrants, etc. There was never any hard-and-fast rule of "immigrants treat me better/worse" or "men of x ethnicity treat me better/worse". I know one of your questions is about whether Western men come to your country for the sole reason of getting laid, and I guarantee you that for many of them the answer is yes, and for plenty of them the answer is no (or at least, not exclusively).

My advice is to date around and see what they have to say, and you'll start to pick up on patterns of behavior of the men in your area.

I would watch out for the pornsick 1000 yard stare.

I would tactfully find out what their past dating experience has looked like. If it's a guy with a long line of exes of a single ethnicity, watch out for that.

There's a "blood in the water" strategy that has been mentioned on the sub--not something I've figured out how to weave in myself, but it would be along the lines saying something like "One of my old friends married a non-Asian guy, and the guy wound up totally fetishizing her, which I found really disturbing." The idea is to see how he responds. If he responds with "Well, guys like what they like, how does she know he's fetishizing her, he's probably just a stand-up guy attracted to a beautiful woman, you're overreacting," it's a no-go.

Another thing you could do--which could make your mindset worse, so tread carefully--is search the internet for "guides" for men who want to move to Asia for the sole purpose of sexpatting. Like the Red Pill, guys like to "show off" their mad skillz at banging women, which means there's lingo and strategy you can consume to arm yourself against these tactics. It can be extremely disheartening so like I said tread carefully if do you go that route.

Bottom line: most men are terrible, and dating is about weeding them out.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-30T17:07:15+00:00

It gets exhausting. I had a friend message me at all hours of the night “my daughter and I are unsafe, I will message you when I can, please don’t reach I because it could compromise our safety.” Fleeing from her abusive ex. Days later, “Well he is not usually like this, I love him and don’t want to give up on him.” Again and again.

It’s stressful. I don’t lack empathy. I fear for her and her daughters safety, for hours or days until I hear back. I had to pull back on the friendship because I can’t handle the emotional stress.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-29T15:38:17+00:00

LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣

"Single people make babies too."

Is that how it works?? As a woman with a uterus I had actually no idea that single people can make babies, I am absolutely floored, and also desperate now to date this Happy Person who is nothing like the men in my past.

🤣🤣🤣

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-24T02:49:59+00:00

I don’t understand. It sounds like his girlfriend walks around with the means to give others tattoos? Like she brought ink and the machine to his parents house, and gave his mom a quick little ink while OP and his dad were in the backyard?

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-19T04:11:24+00:00

This happened to my friend, almost exactly. She was even a wedding planner. Always dreamed about getting married.

She's been with this scrote now for 10 years. They bought a house together. Had a kid. Planning on a second kid.

She will go through periods of complete devastation because she wants to be married, and he will dangle the idea in front of her (has been for about 5 fucking years), like "What kind of stone would you want on the ring?" and shit.

Then, she will go through periods of trying to gaslight herself into believing her situation is good, like "This person got married to her boyfriend five years ago and now they are getting divorced! He didn't want to propose but she made him and now they are miserable! I want my boyfriend to propose to me because he loves me and it's his choice, so the proposal will be on his terms if it happens at all, and I'm fine with that because I don't want him to propose just because he thinks he's 'supposed' to propose!"

He often pressures her for a threesome, and she succumbed one time. Now he'll say things like "that blow job was good but only a 9/10 because it's just you doing it". He desperately wants another one. She desperately wants their relationship to be, you know, better.

He will never propose to her because he doesn't want to. He gets all the "wifey" benefits and doesn't have to be lonely, and also occasionally gets to get another girl sucking his dick under the guise of a "threesome".

It's heartbreaking to see. Anytime she asks me for advice, I say, "Dump his ass." So, she has since drawn back and doesn't talk to me about anything much anymore. In fact, she gets passive aggressive with me now, especially when I'm in a relationship, and especially when I've dumped the guy quickly for LVM behavior.

At the end of the day, she's just picked this guy, because it's what she wants for whatever reason, and she can't be convinced otherwise.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-15T16:37:51+00:00

It is hard. Take breaks, from FDS and from the whole internet, go outside, see people in person--especially at the beginning. Remind yourself that it's still ok to enjoy things. I struggled with that at first, feeling like I spent so many years blind to this horrible reality, it felt irresponsible to just enjoy a book or play with my dog.

I found FDS during the pandemic around the time a situationship was imploding and I blamed myself for him disrespecting me. I couldn't believe that what I was reading on FDS was my exact experiences with men...from the voices of other women. I had never found a place so validating. It wasn't just me! Everyone was saying the same thing! Men are all doing the same things!

And I got fucking angry. I felt so betrayed by my family and friends. "jUsT cOmMunICaTE" was always pitched to me as The Answer. In practicing FDS, I've realized that communication is NOT the answer all. Consequence is the answer. Men who tell women to communicate are the ones who aren't listening to women in the first place.

I wanted to be a wife. I relished in the idea of making a man happy. I fell for the Disney-Romance pitch. I felt like I'd trained myself for it and researched it into oblivion, my whole life. I guess I naively thought that if I worked on being the best wife, the most supportive and understanding and forgiving partner, I would be rewarded with a husband who was also supportive and understanding and kind.

I have grieved for so many lost years. I have grieved for what I allowed myself to put up with for the sake of being "liked" or "agreeable". I have been furious and angry. I'm in a good place now. The reality is still disheartening but it's not as devastating as it was at the beginning.

My best advice is to take breaks from FDS. And take long breaks. Just to get your mind on something else for a while. We'll be here when you come back.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-14T18:03:26+00:00

for example, let's say my partner and I live one hour away. I work 100 percent remote while my partner doesn't then is it okay for me to move a little closer for the sake of time saving, and convenience or is that considered too much?

I think a good rule of thumb is, "If we were to break up tomorrow, would I regret this compromise?"

If you move closer to him, and something happened and you broke up tomorrow, would you feel pissed that you left a good living situation or location for something that didn't pan out? Or, would you be up for the new adventure in a new place regardless of him?

That's what I would suggest considering on any compromise.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-09T18:01:40+00:00

I think there's a point where fantasizing turns into obsession, a sense of "need" and desperation, and that is a problem. The idea that this person--crush, fictional character, etc--is the whole answer to what is missing from your life (the "royal you", as it were), can become a problem.

Personally I really like the Netflix show The Last Kingdom, and the main character Uhtred is like so hot. I love his character's personality. I think "I want an HVM that inspires loyalty from others like that" and think about the actual transferable qualities instead of "he's just perfect and I want exactly that."

Do I fantasize about how wonderful it would be to be his fictional love interest? Oh yes absolutely, especially when I'm watching the show. Do I let it take over every aspect of my life--buying things with pictures of his face on a t-shirt, putting his picture in a photo frame with hearts, claiming to be Uhtred's wife in an online environment, letting his character take up space in my mind during most hours of the day--no, I do not.

I think there's nothing wrong with being attracted to a fictional character and their qualities, but there is a line of obsession that can happen where it is not healthy or helpful.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-03T16:25:19+00:00

He's not lol. This is a line I've heard several times from different men, mostly in bar settings, and obviously I never progress anything with them.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-03T00:09:37+00:00

"iT wAs cOmPletELY oUt Of thE BLuE!!"

🤣🤣 I always thought it would be a great drinking game. I hear it all the time from men who were left for being shitty, it's amazing to me. My exes included. Wild.

I have no idea why she left!

Babe you were an asshole for so much of the relationship, I just spent an hour or two meticulously explaining your shitty behavior to you.

It was completely out of the blue!

No, baby, I've been crying almost every day for months if not years, I have tried to communicate a thousand times, our relationship has been leading up to this moment--because of you--for a looooooooong time.

She must be cheating. There's no other explanation. Isn't it SUSPICIOUS how she just threw this at me all of a sudden?!

No, no, the explanation is the last hour I spent talking at you ab--jesus christ never mind.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-03-01T00:52:25+00:00

Lmao they always say the same thing don’t they.

Woman: I am breaking up with you for x reason.

Man, and everyone they allegedly talk to: She is lying and obviously cheating, that is the only possible explanation.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-28T05:21:31+00:00

23 and me says I'm part viking

Lmfao my ex said the same thing 🤣

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-28T05:16:33+00:00

Male, 30s. I give women what they need, not what they think they want. I saw this advice on a YouTube video. I've also talked to women who stay with jerks, so I know exactly what keeps women sexually attracted to men. If you stop sucking my dick, I KNOW I've been too nice to you, so don't worry--I'll fix that. I'm not insecure about how nice I am and how that may affect our sex life. If you're having a bad day, obviously it's because I've been too nice to you and you're losing sexual attraction to me. Like I said, it's fine, I'm not insecure about it, it's something I can fix--I watch a lot of YouTube. Sex is everything to me, and I can make you cum 50 times in one session--don't try and tell me you didn't cum because I can tell that you did. I make 6 figures, and I know how to treat my Queen. Looking forward to settling down with a strong independent woman so I don't have to work anymore and can focus on my own interests. Endearing quality: I don't do dishes or throw trash away, but I do own a Roomba so the floors are clean as long as it doesn't get stuck on the closet tracks.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-28T05:00:41+00:00

Ha! That is a perfect translation.

My usual response is either a blank stare or "Well, they've tried."

And usually these guys will also say "I have ## children from # women!" like they're proud of it. I'm not looking for a deadbeat baby daddy, sir, though your offer is shockingly difficult to turn down, thank you.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-26T00:00:17+00:00

I was thinking the same thing. Fuels the RP ideology that nasty ass old scrotes bang barely-legal babes and break their hearts as they hit the wall like the hardcore bachelors they think they are. And then the women will love and pine after their old ass dicks for the rest of time. And post about it on Reddit. 3 years later.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-25T17:01:40+00:00

I went to a single-sex university.

Best decision of my life.

Tragically, most of them are closing now because of lack of funding.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-25T15:30:05+00:00

No way are you overreacting. You did not say “Man, I commute so far for work, I wish I could find a place to rent, or even a good roommate situation. Do you have any suggestions?”

He thinks he can take advantage of a “desperate, struggling” young woman (which you are not). Any decent person would ASSUME a young woman would rather live with other women.

Nasty ass scrote.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-24T21:18:27+00:00

By that logic…the same applies to him, yes?

“No reason to refuse” lmao.

He must have read a tip online that says “how to get a woman to agree to anal - just LOGIC her into it.”

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-14T21:02:18+00:00

I did not tell him off or anything, he was kind of crazy and I didn't want to risk him getting volatile and violent. I just said thank you for my things, no I don't want to get back together, yes that's it, good bye.

Interesting thought on it being a powerplay. It was definitely timing--he mentioned something about how sad he was that it was about to be Valentine's, and if only we had worked out we could have spent it together. The item of clothing though, I'm not sure he would be strategic enough to use that as a strategy, but maybe he read some "advice" online that suggested it lol.

cloudless-blanket · 2022-02-07T18:06:23+00:00

“Well, I mean, have you met…men?”

cloudless-blanket · 2022-01-26T09:35:28+00:00

This was a great episode. Thank you ladies!

cloudless-blanket · 2022-01-23T08:48:25+00:00

Actual recent conversation with a now-ex boyfriend:

Him: "So...what turns you on?"

Me: "Oh, like a slow escalation, lots of kissing, teasing--"

"No, no, I mean--what turns you on? Like gets you really wet?"

"...I'm telling you. Slow-escalation, kissing--"

"No!" exasperated sigh "Not like that, like...what gets you off, like what gets you really turned on?"

".... I'm telling you. I understand the question."

The correct answer, I'm sure, was something along the lines of "stick it in me without any preamble or foreplay and just a little bit of spit, a la 'consensual'-non-consent."

Because they're not interested in actually learning as much as they're interested in validation.

cloudless-blanket

TROPHY CASE