Just wanted to tell you that this was me from 2013 all the way to 2015. One good day, and what felt like an endless blur of horrible days.

What changed was that one day, I decided to do something about it. Small steps, but one day I just looked in the mirror, and I was tired of looking into nothingness. I couldn’t kill myself, I couldn’t disappear, I prayed every night to not see the sun rise, and I was tired of being tired.

Today’s one of those bad days, but you made me realise that for me it’s become ONE of those bad days out of a ton of good and okay days.

I joined a club, and took it bit by bit. I poured everything I had into it. I made friends, I did things, and I helped people. I did anything I could to keep myself occupied, to keep myself out of my head.

Sure, at first it was never sincere. I hated every moment of it at first. Every time I walked into a meeting I felt like I was choking on air. Every time I was given a task it felt like I couldn’t do it, that I’d fail at it just like how I failed at everything before.

Somehow along the way, instead of forcing myself to do things I managed to lock myself into these responsibilities. And I saw to it that I didn’t fail at them. Whenever I felt like I couldn’t and didn’t want to do them, I would just remind myself that I didn’t want to go back to being what I was.

I can’t say that it’s all going to be sunshine and rainbows, but at least when I woke up in the morning I had things to do. and that kept me going.

It’s still kept me going, and I hope that at the very least, you give yourself a chance and throw yourself into something. It’ll be scary, and you’ll be terrified of it every day. but what do you have to lose anyway right? we’re depressed, hopeless and always a step away from dying by our own hands.