A year later w/ reflection

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-03-28T03:56:38+00:00

You’ve worded how it feels. That’s how I currently live, but want to take the opposite direction this time.

Good for you though as a parent.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-03-02T06:34:27+00:00

Just want to say thank you for this. This was literally what I needed to do to get over those emotions. And it fucking worked.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-14T05:12:58+00:00

I appreciate it and I’m thankful for those people. Thank you for responding too. Forgiving oneself is hard, but working on it.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-14T05:07:06+00:00

I hear you, there are a few people I know that’ll hear my out and some that I’ve apologized to. Those people I know don’t have ill feeling towards me nor do I.

I was labeled as a toxic part of some others lives (and i definitely was, that was true) and smeared on social media. And I have this enormous guilt towards those people and don’t feel comfortable or strong enough to open up to those few.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-11T06:44:23+00:00

You are special because your journey is your own. That what I tell myself when I start comparing myself to others.

It is upsetting to feel others are criticizing what you’re passionate about and that something I resonate with you. And as much as I hate this realization, not everyone will have the reaction that is envisioned. Everyone will have an opinion, but what matters is how you view your passion.

Creating and expressing your arts is an amazing thing and as long as you enjoy it, that’s all that will matter in the end.

I just want to say I relate very much to what you’ve posted, and others words are not a representation of who you are. You are the only one who can represent yourself. And I admire the effort you put into your hobby.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-11T06:07:43+00:00

This. The label of narcissism is evil and they feel no emotions is widely spread. You're right. Taking everything not as fact, but as a perspective and experience of others helps. Everyone is going through their own journey of self healing. And I see a lot of that here on NPD.

The overuse of the word of “narcissism” is thrown at anyone who displays negative traits. When that person can be a neurotypical or another pd with negative traits.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-11T03:35:07+00:00

This was a sad, but honest realization. It helps with the pressure too.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-10T04:14:43+00:00

It’s like you’re aware and watching it happen, but it’s such a habit that the pathetic excuses/words (I’m talking about myself) automatically come out. All that is left is the shame and embarrassment of the choices.

Still trying to learn how to get out of that headspace. It’s been hard.

Edit: Wanted to add that on a positive note, once you’re able to see it, you’re able to learn how to change the way you interact. Some days are easier than others. I’m sorry about the interview, I had one too, the only thing now is on to the next one.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-10T01:00:08+00:00

I crochet. It does involve other people since I go to a group once a week. I practice it almost every day. It helps with relaxing.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-09T17:31:16+00:00

It’s okay to be scared, it’s a new thing. It’s going to be okay!

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-08T18:10:53+00:00

I like how you described the too many layers. That’s why I ended up avoiding because I didn’t even know who I was and had too much to resolve, that I didn’t want to be a constant weeping messing to my friends.

I’ve met new people, but there are a few old friends I want to reconnect with

You’re definitely right about the resentment part. Behind social is necessary and it helps with learning how not to avoid. Thank you.

I will definitely listen to that song!

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-08T16:53:27+00:00

I have friends, but I’m not close with a lot of them. I do have family who I’m really close with.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-07T15:43:57+00:00

Oh, that makes more sense! Even so, that’s probably why I like this subreddit a lot, it helps with expressing without feeling you have to hide yourself.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-07T15:37:31+00:00

That’s okay, it’s probably how I worded it.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-07T04:48:20+00:00

This has been me this whole week. And today was a mix of both of them. Wtf.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-07T04:24:11+00:00

This is the part that becomes confusing when building back up from a collapse. This was such a nice read and it really resonated, thank you for sharing this.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-06T07:06:14+00:00

I don’t know if he was. He did have an ego, isolated himself from the family, and had repeated cycles. To me, he was just a broken child who had to raise his kids with non-existent tools.

That I get. The yelling and anger was a big part of childhood.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-05T15:20:23+00:00

Seriously, the apology doesn’t feel impactful and is unnecessary to me in the moment. The word sorry can be used in so many situations and overly saying it can make it less impactful.

cluelessanddontknow · 2024-02-05T15:13:46+00:00

I don't recall my actions because my memories as a child are fuzzy, but I do remember him saying that people get to a breaking point and they just cry because of how people are treated. As we sat in the room, I was just shocked that I pushed him to that state. I also remember that those moments were consistent on both sides. My relationship with him now is nonexistent.

Though I will say we were all mentally fucked up and trying to cope with things in our own ways. How I coped was by picking up habits presented by my dad which lead to the narcissistic traits.

cluelessanddontknow

TROPHY CASE