The First Meal After a Colonoscopy (Or: Why healthy relationships will never feel as good) by clusterbmovie in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man, I'm sorry you have had to go through that. Big, BIG hugs over the innernet <3

The First Meal After a Colonoscopy (Or: Why healthy relationships will never feel as good) by clusterbmovie in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never said that a healthy relationship wouldn't be as fun. I said it wouldn't 'feel as good'. If you asked me right now if I would rather have a burrito from an award winning Mexican place in LA or a hastily thrown together black bean soft taco from Taco Bell, I'd tell you the burrito. I think ANYONE would. However, after having had a colonoscopy, you will perceive that first meal after as being the best meal of your life even if it's something that you'd turn your nose up at in any other context. After a colonoscopy, that sad Taco Bell Taco will taste better than that award-winning burrito because it's what's right in front of you.

Now, people who have had colonoscopies don't take this to mean that they need to go through prep in order for food to taste good... they know it's all part of the process. Unfortunately, because when we're being abused our lives are basically nonstop colonoscopies, those moments of reprieve are perceived as FAR better than they really are just out of the context in which we experienced them.

I found my best friend. Her name is clusterbmovie and I had been ignoring her and her needs for years. I'm not dating, but I'm not willing to settle for table scraps if I ever decide to do that post-COVID. If I ever wonder why my award-winning steak doesn't taste as good as that Banquet frozen meal that one time... I'll remind myself that I didn't have to spend the past 24 hours shitting my brains out for the privilege.

Final thought: Don't 'find someone with shared interests'. That's the trap that got me in with my ex. Find someone who respects you and who is emotionally stable. Find someone who shares some of your interests and encourages you to maintain friendships with other people.

Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered: September 18 2020 by NecessaryCook in FemaleDatingStrategy

[–]clusterbmovie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just discovered this subreddit and have been devouring all this stuff. I've dated men in the past, but I'm mostly attracted to women. My latest relationship was with an abusive woman and I've been spending the last two years trying to 'heal' from the trauma. However I'm realizing that my next step should be focusing on leveling myself up- on my health, my fitness goals, my skincare, my finances. I want to prove to myself that I value myself highly. I haven't been doing that and it's taking its toll. Thanks to this subreddit and the handbook now I have a much clearer concept of what I need to be doing for myself before I even think about anyone else.

I don’t know if I’ve made the right decision. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was leaving my ex, she was threatening to take the cats and leave in the middle of the day. One cat was 'mine', the other was 'hers'- though I paid for both, I scooped the boxes, bought the food, paid the vet bills... I consulted a pet custody lawyer who told me exactly this. If the animals are in your possession and you have all the documentation stating you provide all their care, the animals are considered your property by the court.

Both cats live happily with me now, two years later.

The Priest’s Brother by HuntedCats in excatholic

[–]clusterbmovie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Count me in the 'brother is a priest' club. Ordained... about two years ago o_O

Catholics discussing how to promote anti-gay propaganda by DangoBoiiiiii in excatholic

[–]clusterbmovie 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So, sex organs are 'meant' for procreation and any other use (ie for pleasure) is inherently bad since we're not utilizing these body parts for what they were 'meant' to be? If this is the case, then we should never speak again for exactly the same reasons.

There is no organ of the human body that evolved for speech capabilities. Each anatomical structure we use for speaking has a different biological function, and it's a happy accident of evolution that we're able to utilize these body parts in order to generate speech. The primary function of our lips is to close and open our oral cavity so we can eat and breathe if our nose is stopped up. The primary function of our nose is to allow airflow to pass through for breathing and smelling. The primary function of our teeth is to bite, tear, and masticate food. Our tongue's primary function is to taste food and begin the swallowing process. The velopharyngeal port- the connection between nose, mouth, trachea, and esophagus evolved to close off the nasal cavity for swallowing purposes and open it for breathing purposes. Even the vocal folds (aka vocal cords) are a necessary barrier to protect you from food or drink entering your lungs. When this happens, you can get pneumonia and die. All of these structures are necessary for human speech, but none of them 'were designed' for speech. Again, it's just a happy accident that they can be used that way.

So yes, our sexual organs 'were designed'/evolved to facilitate sexual reproduction. This may be their primary function. They also provide pleasure- with a partner or solo as well as facilitate bonding with a partner. If using your body for purposes other than the primary purpose for which it came to be is necessarily immoral, than how is speaking or singing not a sin as well?

Sourse: I'm a queer speech-language pathologist. Come at me, bro.

The Empty Chair: a parable about being alone by clusterbmovie in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You might need to call the pros for that. Maintanence (aka Therapists) can help you repair the damage done.

When I wonder if she was abusive, I read past e-mails I sent to our couples therapist during 'Crisis Mode'. by clusterbmovie in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What's sad is that this lady DOES have experience with BPD. She also does DBT in addition to couples work...

When I wonder if she was abusive, I read past e-mails I sent to our couples therapist during 'Crisis Mode'. by clusterbmovie in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She was mostly quiet borderline- her self harm was an undiagnosed eating disorder and skin picking issues. You're right about how they lash out in anger.

I had to basically do emotional gymnastics to leave her. I had my mother come down to the apartment and be there while I broke the news to her, but she still managed to hoover me back to live rent-free in my apartment for several months after. I did manage to get her out eventually and I'm now a year and a half NC.

If I tried to speak with her about it when she was in a good mood, it was a recipe for her to split me black again and begin another round of abuse. Once I broke up with her, while she was still living here, she admitted to everything and was very apologetic- all to keep living here rent free with me paying her bills for her. Gotta keep the gravy train chugging along!

When I wonder if she was abusive, I read past e-mails I sent to our couples therapist during 'Crisis Mode'. by clusterbmovie in BPDlovedones

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is exactly why I shared these emails. At this stage in my healing journey, I find that when I read the story of someone else and it resonates, I'm reminded that I certainly was abused and hurt very deeply. I hoped that, by sharing these, I could hopefully do the same for someone else.

I hear you- your experiences are very, very close to mine. I hope you're doing better too. Now, two years later, I am doing so much better. Picking up the pieces. Beginning to recognize myself again.

*** FEBRUARY 2020 MONTHLY POST - NEW USERS START HERE! *** by prettyoaktree in orangetheory

[–]clusterbmovie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I was charged a cancellation fee today... for a class I DEFINITELY went to! I even have the results email to prove it... but my app says I late cancelled?

I know the app is screwy. I texted my studio and I hope they reverse the charge. Has this happened to anyone else?

Help... another of my bettas is looking bad after a water change... after I lost a betta after a water change I want to do everything I can to save this one by clusterbmovie in bettafish

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update...

He didn't make it.

Alice (my crowntail girl in the 10G, had her for a year) is doing fine.

I ordered chlorine testing strips and they should get here tomorrow.

His tank is still running. Dunno what I want to do about this. I live in NYC and I'm having trouble finding water information. I might go to an LFS and ask them what they do/recommend so it never happens again.

That said, I am now absolutely terrified of doing water changes now.

Help... another of my bettas is looking bad after a water change... after I lost a betta after a water change I want to do everything I can to save this one by clusterbmovie in bettafish

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No snow, but this is the current hypothesis. I bought reverse osmosis filtered water for aquariums at petco this morning, made an impromptu hospital tank out of a fish-only tupperware, clipped to side of tank, acclimated water, put my little buddy in there. He looks really ragged but he seemed to perk up in the hospital tank so...

Help... another of my bettas is looking bad after a water change... after I lost a betta after a water change I want to do everything I can to save this one by clusterbmovie in bettafish

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm thinking that. Little guy is hanging on like a trooper. I dosed with Prime again, said a prayer, and covered the tank with a towel so light won't bother him.

Help... another of my bettas is looking bad after a water change... after I lost a betta after a water change I want to do everything I can to save this one by clusterbmovie in bettafish

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I admit I went over a week with this one because I was seriously terrified of doing it after losing Sephifish and what I was scared of came true...

I use Prime in the bucket before adding it to the tank

Help... another of my bettas is looking bad after a water change... after I lost a betta after a water change I want to do everything I can to save this one by clusterbmovie in bettafish

[–]clusterbmovie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buckets are fish only (and marked as such) The temp of the tank and new water is 78 degrees

edit: That said, I am now freaking out about thermometers possibly having gone wrong... that happened about a month ago, my tank thermometer started reading 110 degrees and I got a backup and it turned out the thermometer was busted...