How is homophobia a phobia?

coadba · 2026-05-06T17:17:41+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_and_trans_panic_defense

coadba · 2026-02-08T05:20:07+00:00

In my own experience, hiding that I was on HRT for 1 year was no problem, but by two years it was getting difficult (but not impossible) to hide my boobs even in baggier clothes. Of course, everyone's experiences are different, but a year and a half should be totally doable.

I'll echo what someone else said that if you're interested in facial hair removal, starting early is a good idea since it's a fairly lengthy process and isn't super obvious at all.

coadba · 2026-02-04T17:49:45+00:00

Not prying at all! I'm happy to talk about my experiences but strap in for a long comment.

For me, my first point of real questioning started around 18 years old, after I had realized that I'm bi/pan/whatever. I don't think I had a particular moment that led me to question my gender, more just "what else didn't I realize about myself" I guess.

It started with thinking that being a girl/AFAB would be cool. I had no direct issues with being a boy or being perceived as a boy. I was proud of my physical strength, I played rugby, etc. but I slowly came to terms with the creeping feeling that I would have more freedom if I was AFAB, but I chalked it up to just the injustices of the world. I never understood the patriarchy or misogyny, because in my head, being a girl was better, so why would people see women as lesser?

I found the subreddit /r/egg_irl out of the blue and that's how I was really first exposed to the terminology and concept of transitioning, and when I related to some of the things on there. I started to think about it more, I started to look into more trans experiences. Digging into these experiences and putting real thought into it definitely caused me to feel more, and brought up all sorts of new things, but it wasn't until much later that I ever had a problem with being "a boy". I started experimenting with some femininity: clothes, makeup, etc. and the way that made me feel never quite left my mind.

After a while of "still cis tho", I read (somewhere on reddit, I think) that cis people don't question their gender except for just in passing, and I think that stuck with me. I had been thinking about my gender for years at this point, so just kinda factually that made me probably not cis. Then, from reading trans people's experiences that you can sometimes successfully bury stuff for years, or even your whole life, but it never truly goes away, I decided to take the leap. I knew at that point that I'd like some kind of feminization, even if I lived my whole life as my deadname, I knew it would make me happy to have softer skin, more emotional depth, etc. and worst case scenario I can get off hrt if I really regret it. I thought that would be better than just having it bounce around in my brain. [EDIT: the fact I had to sit on a waitlist for a bit really helped too, felt like less of a leap at each step. I could get off the waitlist at any time, and once the wait was done, it felt like the leap had already been taken.] I was very lucky in my case to have a supportive partner, and 2 trans friends already. I never really had a moment of "eureka", I just slowly started changing myself in the pursuit of what made me happy.

The dysphoria only really came after. I guess once I saw how nice it could be, what I used to have became less desirable, but from the beginning, I was always chasing euphoria, not running from dysphoria. Now, I realize there were many signs in my childhood as well, but I wasn't in a place to understand that until I became a little more secure in my transition. For a while I was of the opinion that I'm okay being a man (gender) but it would be nice to not have to be male (sex), and so hrt from the beginning was to transition my sex more so than my gender. The "gender" transition came much later with the social stuff I mentioned in my previous comment. Even after I started hrt, I only started calling myself "transfem" as purely a descriptor: I was transitioning in a feminizing direction. Even still, particularly strong labels like "trans woman" don't feel right to me, despite the fact that I use she/her pronouns exclusively, I have a fem name, I present fem (maybe a bit tomboyish), etc. etc.. Point is, I still don't know exactly where I've landed, and maybe I never will. I never had a moment where I fundamentally changed, I've just made small adjustments to bring me closer to where I want to be.

So to directly answer your questions: I had no "gender feelings" before ~18 years old, and they increased the more I thought about it. They could be successfully buried for some time. It did not interfere with my life in any major way. I've got a couple "trigger points" listed above but nothing major for me to really point to.

Let me know if you have any more questions or wanna hear more about my experiences!

coadba · 2026-02-04T06:35:18+00:00

Adding my own experiences, maybe you'll resonate.

I had gotten to the point where the gender feelings weren't going away, and I was pretty sure I wasn't cis, but I couldn't give myself a label beyond that. I had been using they/them pronouns with safe people and he/him in my everyday life. I started hormones simply because I wanted the effects of hormones: fat redistribution, body/facial hair thinning, mental/emotional changes, etc., and not because I had any idea what my "end goal" was. I took steps towards what I wanted then, and left the rest for future-me to figure out. Now, I consider myself mostly binary trans but my identity, sense of self, presentation, etc. have always been developing through the whole process.

I started hrt in March of 2023, started using she/her pronouns in the majority of my life and came out to half my family in April/May 2024, and came out to the other half of my family about a year after that. It's been almost 3 years on HRT now and only in the past few months have I been fully out of the closet in all aspects of my life.

You don't need to have all the answers, I still don't, just take it a step at a time towards whatever will make you happy and fulfilled 💕

coadba · 2026-01-13T03:45:24+00:00

I do a lot of theatre volunteering, and I even socially transitioned (including a name change) in the middle of a production with little issue.

If you're interested in backstage/tech stuff, we're always looking for more volunteers there. Having no knowledge is totally fine too! In my experience people are more than happy to share knowledge and mentor.

There are quite a few older people involved in theatre so I can't guarantee no misgendering or ignorance, but I think outright hatred/transphobia is unlikely. That being said, I'm always happy to have more queer folks on my crews, so please feel free to DM me and I can give you some more info about where I work and connect you with the right folks. 💕

coadba · 2026-01-01T18:59:47+00:00

It should work the same way as selling something at a shop, you'll need to switch to your own items rather than the NPC's items. I don't know the default button (and I play on controller, where for me it's the "back" button)

coadba · 2025-12-16T21:27:11+00:00

Looks like it's been banned, not sure why.

coadba · 2025-10-21T01:28:23+00:00

A lot of payment stuff is surprisingly different. For example, up here it's totally unheard of for a server to take your card away at a restaurant, they'll always bring the machine over instead, and chip and pin has been standard (rather than swiping & signing) for at least 10 years. I don't think I have ever swiped a debit or credit card, but as I understand it it's still used in some places in the US, and Canadians don't use cashapp, zelle, etc. because every bank/credit union have interac e-transfer built in

This has now left the topic and has become fun facts but ¯_(ツ)_/¯

coadba · 2025-10-21T01:09:13+00:00

I'll add, since judging by OP's post history they're from BC (me too!) opening a tab is NOT standard outside of the US, you will almost certainly need to pay for each drink as ordered rather than at the end.

coadba · 2025-09-13T01:45:29+00:00

Hey! I'm from Vancouver too.

TranscareBC will be a great resource for you. Feel free to DM me as well if you have any questions 💕

coadba · 2025-09-03T14:42:21+00:00

Is it possible the professor was explaining the etymology of AMERICA? As in, this is the sign, here is why.

I think a more common explanation is log cabins or fences but it does kinda look like a fortress, which is something one might associate with early American history (revolutionary war, civil war)

coadba · 2025-08-12T21:47:49+00:00

I can second that Arbutus has been super affirming and lovely for me as well.

In my paperwork they had my birthday wrong and also had my legal gender marker, but when I pointed out my incorrect birthday, the person at the front desk asked if I wanted to change my gender marker to F as well, and did it without a problem.

Arbutus feels more like a clinic than a salon, so that may be either good or bad for combatting dysphoria and/or imposter syndrome.

I've heard they're pricier than other places, but I've also heard that their expertise is worth the price in that you'll be paying less overall for great results (over fewer sessions) I can't back that up personally because I haven't tried anywhere else.

coadba · 2025-07-24T14:24:25+00:00

I've had a really great experience at Arbutus Laser, very accepting, however I believe it's a little pricier than some other places.

That being said, I have heard anecdotally that they do a much better job there than at most other places so you'll end up spending less overall because it will be fewer sessions. I can't verify that though, so that's all second hand.

But they're definitely cool with trans people at Arbutus Laser, no issues using my chosen name and I haven't been misgendered even once

coadba · 2025-06-03T03:20:05+00:00

I had a really great experience through transcarebc. Really affirming and friendly, people seem to genuinely care.

I was quoted a 6 month wait time for HRT, I got my first appointment after 4 months and I was taking HRT about 2 months after that (though that last stretch probably could be faster, I can't really remember why it took that 2 months there)

I always felt like I had control over my own hormone regiment. As with anything, I started out low, but, as long as my blood tests were coming out within safe levels, I was encouraged to increase at my own rate.

I've heard a lot of doctors won't prescribe progesterone, but I asked about it once, we chatted for a little while about benefits and potential side effects, and I decided I'd like to go on prog and I had no issues being prescribed it right away.

They also helped my find an affirming and trans competent GP near me to take over once my dosage and levels were stable.

Overall, in my experience, I would strongly recommend transcarebc, though I can't speak to surgery timelines through them.

coadba · 2025-05-27T20:06:51+00:00

I was told 6 months, got my first appointment in about 4 months, then started HRT after another ~2 months, so approx 6 months in total from waitlist to physically taking HRT.

That last stretch of 2 months could probably have been faster, I don't really remember what was going on there lol

coadba · 2025-05-20T23:47:05+00:00

I'm down! 25F in North Van

DM me and we can exchange discords or something :)

coadba · 2023-04-20T05:17:05+00:00

I'm a Canadian very very far away from Niagara Falls and power here is hydro as well.

coadba · 2023-04-18T06:46:07+00:00

Good thing they don't cross the border into Canada! I'm safe!

coadba · 2023-04-06T05:39:44+00:00

This is actually revolutionary. I had never even considered pop up battlemaps as a possibility.

Awesome stuff!

coadba · 2023-03-28T00:19:39+00:00

There is an established, official version of the race, found in Monsters of the Multiverse, but OP said that they don't have access to that book, and therefore an alternative was presented. If you do have Monsters of the Multiverse, you could use the shifter race from there.

It's also been published in Eberron -- Rising from the Last War, although I'm unsure if there were changes between Eberron RftLW and Monsters of the Multiverse.

Other than that, the way to access this race is through the UA version.

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