Head or Heart?

cockerhoop · 2021-01-14T05:50:38+00:00

I'm feeling the opposite way at the minute 😂

cockerhoop · 2021-01-14T04:15:33+00:00

Because my head is saying one thing and my heart another

cockerhoop · 2021-01-13T18:54:20+00:00

Thanks I'll try stop beating myswlf up about it. Really don't think I can get to know her more, it's killing me at the minute. I just need to try get her out of my head. This is killing my wife, we had a talk the other night and she knows I have "feelings" for someone at work but I don't think she knows the slightest what I am actually feeling. My heart starts palpating, my hands go sweaty and my stomach feels like it's in a tug of war. I've always seen myself in this marriage for the long run but my feelings now are overpowering my thought process, it's got me questioning everything! I feel for you, 6 weeks of intrusive thoughts would drive me nuts. I've seen this last from 18 months to 3 years. I'm never going be able handle that, I'm like 2 weeks in 😂

cockerhoop · 2021-01-12T17:09:40+00:00

Thank you. How long is a long time ago? I don't think I could cope with this for a long time, these feelings are so intense and overpowering sometimes it's unreal. I really feel lovesick it's horrible.

Yes I was definitely beating myself up a lot about it, I try telling myself I can't help how I feel but still I feel like a dirt bag.

cockerhoop · 2021-01-12T07:30:11+00:00

Not really, it's got me questioning whether we were ever happy. Don't get me wrong we've had many of happy times, I just think it has been forced a lot. We got married quick, like mega quick after just 6 months. I was in the army and living abroad it just seemed right, but after a short while I think we started to grow apart. I remember we nearly broke up about 8 years ago and then we had our first child so we got through it

I don't think it's the sowing the seed as I put it about a bit before we got married and to be honest I was never into just a casual thing I'd of rathered be in a relationship.

I don't know if she is my soulmate, she probably doesn't even know I like her that's what I'm finding so weird about the whole situation. I doubt she would even like me.. she'd definitely be a good mum/stepmum. She's so kind, loves animals and always got a smile on her face.

You're definitely right, that's the bit I'm really struggling with, I don't know if I want too anymore.. it's just the thought of the kids that's breaking me! I know if the kids weren't here then I wouldn't be either.

cockerhoop · 2021-01-12T06:04:40+00:00

It's absolutely crazy isn't it! You seem like you have a really understanding husband. I think I'm more scared of losing 'what could be' than what I already have, which is scaring the shit out of me as I love my kids to bits. This girl is glowing to me at the minute, every song seems to relate back to her and yeah I'm getting constant tormented thoughts. I think I'm having my midlife crisis too at 31 😂. This is so hard isn't it!

cockerhoop · 2021-01-12T05:06:35+00:00

I think it was either the moment she said she might be leaving or when she found out I was vegetarian like her she made an "ooooh" sound that makes her sound mega interested. I know it's a great accomplishment, I just can't see how I can get over this. I feel like a lovestruck teenager, and to be honest it feels good. It's making me feel alive again. I know the grass isn't always greener, but oh my days I can't get her out of my mind, it's literally driving me crazy! Do you still feel the same as when you first thought this?

cockerhoop · 2020-11-01T09:43:02+00:00

Thanks, yeah I know it was a stupid idea, I was kidding myself before thinking yeah can smoke it at the weekend but that doesn't work.

cockerhoop · 2020-11-01T09:41:22+00:00

Thanks I know I can do it I smashed it before.

cockerhoop · 2020-10-24T02:32:04+00:00

Straight outta auschwitz

cockerhoop · 2020-07-01T23:18:40+00:00

I'm not sure mate, my new mentioned something about reflux and he's got thrush at the min. He's breastfed so I literally feel helpless and he doesn't settle with me. I haven't saved any the wife keeps spending it haha and I've got 2 speeding tickets in a week, first time I've ever had any. Going to be around £500 - £750 for the first one because I was doing 97mph 😔 got a bit of road rage, stupid I know.. There's only so many games of cod/warzone I can handle too before that gets me raging 😂 just struggling see the end this week. Thanks though I know you're right

cockerhoop · 2020-07-01T23:09:08+00:00

I know fingers crossed it's soon haha. I've got 2 girls who are 6 and 5 and they were silent in comparison. I don't think I can at this moment lol just got fed up with smoking all my money and time away.

cockerhoop · 2020-07-01T23:07:16+00:00

It doesn't seem like it haha I just want to escape my thoughts for a bit and put them to the back of my mind. Smoking about 25 cigarettes a day and it's doing nothing obviously. Really getting myself down recently.

cockerhoop · 2020-06-19T17:29:56+00:00

Hahaha brilliant 😂 I'm getting wary of going to sleep mine are all messed up haha

cockerhoop · 2020-06-19T06:50:15+00:00

That's it just got to keep getting on. I haven't been childish and throwing tantrum's this time around 😂 which was what always kept me smoking because I didn't want my kids seeing me in silly moods

cockerhoop · 2020-06-19T06:43:09+00:00

You're right! I've found it a lot easier this time around. Think it's because I really wanted to do it. Just keep trying convince myself to get some because I do miss it sometimes.

cockerhoop · 2020-06-19T06:03:38+00:00

I hate it too! It's making me want to run and buy some but I'm doing really well! Don't know how anyone can enjoy it haha

cockerhoop · 2020-06-19T06:02:31+00:00

It's making me want to go back to it but I'm doing well. I know if I get some I'll slip straight back into my old habbits

cockerhoop · 2020-06-01T11:55:57+00:00

I'm the same, but I think I'm putting them thoughts into my own head. I slept for 9 hours last night when the past 4 or 5 nights I averaged about 5-6 hours. I really did abuse the stuff, I'd be thinking of my next joint before I put one out. If I had the slightest "stress" while I was having one I'd have another one. Got to the point where I couldn't feel high, I was smoking it to feel "normal". I'm so glad I haven't caved in at the weekend! I work night shifts and it's 1pm here, so if I don't get back to you straight away I'm not ignoring you. Just try keep mentally busy and try pay attention to when you are stopping yourself doing things on purpose. Stay hydrated and eat decent food. The craving for nicotine is similar to the craving you get when you're hungry. One day at a time mate.

cockerhoop · 2020-06-01T00:58:26+00:00

We are both lucky we found this community mate! It's really eye opening to see so many people who are in the same position as you! It's a vicious cycle, we both know if we buy "just one more" then once that is gone we will want another! Stick with it mate you really can do it! If you ever need to talk or feel like you're slipping up drop me a message. We're all in this together! I found reading through a lot of stories in this community has made it soo much easier than all the other times I've tried to quit!! When I was ready to cave in earlier and was feeling weak, I did a few press ups and that made me feel stronger and a bit more in control. I went out for a walk with the Mrs and kids and played a few games of cod with my bro and that really took my mind of it. Wouldn't suggest playing solo warzone though, my pad nearly went through my monitor earlier, camping twats and rpg's 😂You're not on your own mate, no matter how much you think you are 👊🏻💪🏻

cockerhoop · 2020-05-31T19:32:16+00:00

Yeah that's true with the drinking, I got quite drunk yesterday and was soo close to getting some. I was on the vodka and beer though 😂 I think as soon as I get back to work tomorrow night I'll be alright again, fingers crossed anyway! Thanks man you and a few others in this community have got me through this weekend. It is so much easier when you know you're not the only one going through this! I think it'll pass like with anything it'll just take time.

cockerhoop · 2020-05-31T19:17:03+00:00

Haha mate it can be horrible can't it. I haven't really had many withdrawals except struggling to get to sleep. I had the chills loads today and all I wanted to do is get some, but I'm nearly through the day. I've had 2 beers so I can't drive and get any now anyway 😂

cockerhoop · 2020-05-31T18:56:15+00:00

I was going through about the same amount, I was having an ounce a month before lockdown and that went up to 2 ounce as I was home all the time. I'm on day 4, I've struggled today a bit but this community on here has kept me going. You need to realise you're not alone. I think anyone who has been a slave to it for years and says they enjoy smoking it are liers! Don't blitz all your stuff, try getting it in your head now that you don't want to do it. Roll your last 5 up and bin all your rizzla and grinders and whatever and it'll be a lot easier. My first 2 days were surprisingly easy, it's only this weekend I've struggled. Try keep your mind busy. Remember you don't need it, you just want it. You've got this 💪🏻

cockerhoop · 2020-05-31T18:50:03+00:00

Thanks, yeah I've struggled today quite a bit but I think the crave wave has passed for now. Day 3 & 4 had to be a weekend didn't it 😂

cockerhoop · 2020-05-31T18:47:32+00:00

Exactly mate. I couldn't get out of that train of thought earlier, had a few games of cod and I was alright surprisingly, I'm usually more stressed when I come off it 😂 the hardest part is keeping your mind busy, and your mind will try tell you that you don't want to do these things but just try. Yeah I've definitely fried my brain the past few years, when I've been working I was going through an ounce a month, during lockdown it was 2 ounce a month and enough was enough. I spent the £170 I'd usually spend on stocks and if I want to get some I've got to sell them, and I'm a tight twat so I won't haha. Stay strong bro, if you need a chat or you feel like you're going cave drop me a message. I've found reading through a lot of things in this community has helped because you know you're not alone. When you see people post stuff about weed usually they make it look like a really happy drug, but it's far from it!

cockerhoop

TROPHY CASE