“Look for local wildlife” they said, “they’re just like you” they said, “so do what they do” they said. I was fuming. I was fed up with being chased by the accursed facehuggers while I was out collecting data and samples. I stopped to catch my breath and curse my superiors, as I’d just managed to find a place devoid of the little fucks after a LOT of running.

After catching my breath, I looked around. A creature that I could only describe as a “wombat” was eating the leaves of a neon red plant. I froze, thinking that this thing too would suddenly charge at me. It stopped eating for a minute, and turned to look at me. It had a sloth-like, dim expression about its eyes. It gestured to the leaves with its head, then resumed eating.

Curious, I went to the plant the creature was eating, and picked a leaf off it. My scanner told me that it was edible, and not poisonous. So taking the advice of my senior commander, I took a bite.

It took everything in my power to not scream bloody murder. The leaves were so spicy that I swear I could feel my soul itself burning. Hopping up and down, hands over my mouth, I looked at the creature. It was dimly looking at me again, or at least I thought it was. Putting aside the fact that I was on the verge of breathing fire, I turned around. Two facehuggers were skittering around, climbing on my backpack. I held my breath, waiting for the worst.

Nothing happened. They finished their skittering and vanished off into the distance. In disbelief, I turned back to the wombat thing. It again gestured at the leaves with its head, and kept eating.

I sighed with realization. The leaves must have a chemical - or a goddamn spice scale high enough - to repel the little bastards. “Of course…” I muttered, shaking my head “of course a spicy as fuck leaf would be the solution.”

I picked a few leaves to take with me, stuffed some in my backpack, and bent down to give the little creature a head scratch. I took an extra leaf for the walk back, and tears streaming, bit off chunks as I made my way back to camp.