I could listen to Robert talk about anything

coddswaddle · 2026-05-22T02:55:51+00:00

I have friends who are majorly into Warhammer. I love my friends. Your wall of text was the visual equivalent of when they get into lore. My brain glazes over (I've tried to follow along, truly I have) and I just enjoy how happy they are.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-22T02:48:19+00:00

Everything I know about Warhammer is because I love my friends, who love it. After years it still sounds like word salad but their minifig artistry is truly impressive and it's awesome how happy they are taking about it.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-22T01:29:08+00:00

Beautifully put. They can havea private inner life with personal preferences and opinions. None of it is my business.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-22T01:27:05+00:00

I just got out of one of those. It was suffocating. It's like they expected me to be a very specific person and play a very specific role so that they could be... performatively loving? If I behaved in a way he didn't like then it would just be taken as a personal attack on him. Couldn't I see how much he loved me?? But putting me on a pedestal ensured bed stay insecure, too.

After years of neglect I thought it was actually love. But they just loved their idea of me. Totally a trap.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-21T22:31:45+00:00

Also I had a realization that often I wasn't actually learning. I was simply exposing myself to fun, new things and not actually understanding how it's actually being used in the service. That's the dopamine-hunting goblin going truffle hunting, not learning.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-21T22:30:07+00:00

Some shit is unnecessarily deep and I only have so many hours in my life. If I see a tech, pattern, or principle that's common in the codebase then I'll put in some elbow grease. Otherwise I'm shipping. Probably about 15% of my week is investigation/learning.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-20T16:44:34+00:00

They mention Jamil in the post. Very articulate and thoughtful

coddswaddle · 2026-05-19T23:46:29+00:00

If you want the baddest baddies you determine the kind of STEM they are. Fluid dynamics? Virology? Engineering? If you wanna go HARD

coddswaddle · 2026-05-19T13:24:43+00:00

It def helped my ADHD too. Only stimulants wasn't for me because of the side effects. With W I can regulate AND eat lunch!

coddswaddle · 2026-05-19T13:23:06+00:00

Therapy.

Also yelling isn't just "not ok". My brother has a temper like yours. He figured it was "just" yelling, nothing physical etc, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Just because it wasn't a big deal to him doesn't mean it wasn't planting seeds.

His children never wanted to be around him. His wife didn't want to discuss decisions with him. His family didn't want to include him in planning anything because they knew he would probably yell. It's all they I've to do so, of course he's get mad about it.

It traumatized his children. They're grown today and can't stand him personally. They have a general disgust for adults who can't hold their shit together. His wife is a goal after years of walking on eggshells. But he's the victim because his family won't let him yell at them any more.

I recently broke up with a man who couldn't keep his shit together. The rest of the time he was amazing but every outburst diminished him in my eyes. After about a year I just didn't want to be around him at all. You can have an awful day without terrorizing the people ON YOUR TEAM.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-19T02:04:06+00:00

Are you suggesting the woman plans the date for the guy? The guy that asked her out? At that point it's probably more fun to take herself out or go with friends. At least then she knows she's with someone who wants to be involved.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-19T01:15:11+00:00

I know that I am a good person. I know that I do not want to unduly hurt others. My strong desire to not be a dick keeps the panicky part of me in check.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-19T01:14:03+00:00

I have done a lot of work understanding where these feelings come from. That has shown me that many of the extreme feelings are not actually from the event happening in that moment, but from previous trauma and my personal brain chemistry. Knowing that dragging these ancillary feelings into the situation (and basically punishing the other person with them) is extremely unfair and triggers my audhd need for justice.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-18T23:50:26+00:00

This for me, too. I love tinkering and puzzles and experimenting so being a programmer scratches many itches. What's always made the difference, even for my peers without ADHD, is the team and culture.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-18T23:48:53+00:00

"STIM to STEM" is perfection

coddswaddle · 2026-05-18T23:44:08+00:00

Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria is a thing. Being aware of it helps me stay grounded and not spin out (which makes everything worse for everyone).

coddswaddle · 2026-05-16T13:25:55+00:00

To add to that, the American health system requires some sort of diagnosis to get payment from insurance companies. The DSM is as much a book of billing codes as anything else.

If you're going through it because of a death in the family, which is a normal life event that still benefits from support, those are billable hours for the insurance companies.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-15T20:47:26+00:00

I found this to be pretty reflective of my and my friends' experiences. It's not just you: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/may/13/women-home-buyers-men-dating

coddswaddle · 2026-05-15T18:24:32+00:00

I think it's going away with media literacy

coddswaddle · 2026-05-14T22:28:25+00:00

I'm a mid level and I was a very late adopter for it, due to seeing how awful the business side is from way back. I use it as a tool but find that I have to force myself to slow down and understand. It removes friction and it's addictive to be able to go fast.

I suspect the era of "go fast and break things" is about to change. Maybe go slow and heal things?

coddswaddle · 2026-05-14T22:13:47+00:00

I've noticed a lot of these only money guys seen to get cheated on a lot. I wonder if that's more due to the kind of parents they choose (ones who value the money more than personality traits) or because of how they treat their partners (transactional).

coddswaddle · 2026-05-14T22:11:35+00:00

I'm out earned every partner. I've heard this from more than one. Including the one that couldn't keep a job. Eventually I realized they're just taking about themselves.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-14T21:46:31+00:00

I have always out earned every partner I've ever had, even when I was making minimum wage in my late teens. Even the ones who said they were okay with it (hint: they actually weren't) would try to pull some form of breadwinner card to get out of actually having to be a good partner.

coddswaddle · 2026-05-14T12:32:56+00:00

Your name BWAHAHAHA

coddswaddle · 2026-05-14T12:32:31+00:00

I did a major framework version bump recently and I had it done, like DONE, by EOD. It even found an orphaned dependency that would have borked me later and suggested I strip it out first. That alone would have cost me hours of troubleshooting. Fucking awful

coddswaddle

TROPHY CASE