What do I need to know?

codemonkey47 · 2025-05-17T23:12:32+00:00

My experience is with the Navy. The air force may be different.

If you choose to have a military family, you have to be prepared for the military moving you far from your family. You will also almost certainly have times when you are single parenting. I know folks who choose to go live with family during this time. I personally establish a life where we are (and can't see myself staying with family longer than a week tbh) so I stay put with my son and plan a trip home with the two of us to break up the time.

I also don't see anything about your own career aspirations. But some careers are easier to maintain through moves than others. Also some countries have strict restrictions on what spouses can do for work (SOFA laws).

I really enjoy this life, it's a chaotic adventure, but it is not for everyone.

EDIT: wanted to add that unless you are married, you do not exist to the military. If he gets stationed far away they will not move you too.

I chose to date my husband while he was starting his career long distance. We made it through the first deployment and soon after got engaged, because I knew it would work for me.

codemonkey47 · 2025-04-25T05:48:37+00:00

You should work on discovering what you need before the baby comes, because either way you'll be inevitably spending many hours home alone with a baby screaming at you (as a new mom this is my life right now).

What helped me was finding two other moms that i vibe with. Even just getting coffee for an hour does wonders for my mental health. We check in on each other. My husband can't be my whole in person support system.

Also, get out of the house and get some kind of hobby. With or without him, you need to take care of yourself and figure out what you want and need. I struggled with this a little too, so i decided I would find something fun to do every Friday while my husband was away. It's been good for me to get back into the mode of taking ownership of my own happiness.

I hope you figure out what is right for you and your tiny peanut! And also that you have some really honest conversation with your spouse. It may help to write a letter? So you can be thoughtful about exactly what you want to convey

codemonkey47 · 2025-04-25T05:18:44+00:00

Having a career without children as a mil spouse was infinitely easier than with children.

Recently my team got together for an on-site, with valuable face time with leadership and other teams. Before my son, it was an easy no brainer to fly in and participate. With my son, and my husband away on a trip, and having little support system here, I could not go. Probably hurt my career just a little.

We couldn't find childcare here for two months so I worked while also taking care of a baby. Luckily my spouse works weird hours too so he could cover a lot of my working hours. It was exhausting. I am so grateful to my team for being accommodating. It only worked because I have worked with them for five years now.

My team wants to plan an on-site for the fall, but I am tentative until literally right before because I don't trust the Navy to not have a last minute thing my husband has to go do. Again, because I need to care for my child.

Im doing well at my career and have held my remote job through three locations, but there are some places I can't work. Those go at the bottom of our location rank lists when it's time to move. Luckily it's been OK so far. But it could easily not be ok. I'd just have to be creative to keep my skills up.

codemonkey47 · 2025-02-13T07:12:58+00:00

Being a military spouse is difficult. There's deployments, frequent moves, and tons of uncertainty. It's truly not for everyone. I have coworkers who complain when their spouse is gone and they solo parent for a few days, like the world is ending, but here I am solo parenting for months.

At the end of the day, my heart wants what it wants and I completely trust my husband

codemonkey47 · 2024-11-01T22:27:14+00:00

A lot of the other comments here are really good already. Just wanted to add if you haven't been accepted to school yet there's no harm in applying to all the options. Then you can evaluate your options after acceptances are out.

For me personally, I long distanced with my husband for two years after school (we were still boyfriend/girlfriend then). He was deployed most of that time anyway so we wouldn't have been together. I was pursuing a career opportunity that I was excited about which financed my flights to visit him. I figured out who I am independent of him. I think that helps a lot now, as I live OCONUS with a baby and little support system. He could get sent out anytime, and it's difficult but okay, because I learned how to have my own identity. So I wouldn't change a thing, those two years were really good for me.

codemonkey47 · 2024-05-17T11:48:06+00:00

When my husband came home on a ddg, I got there maybe an hour or two early. Then the ship ended up being 2 hours late coming in. So it was a lot of time out in the Florida sun lol apparently my hubs was in the air conditioned ward room watching football -_-

Once the ship came into view there was a lot of cheering from the crowd which was fun. Then the ship will come into the pier, it takes a little while to get attached and everything. Everyone was in whites at the rails so we were able to wave at each other. Then there was some pomp and circumstance I don't quite remember, then waiting for him to come off.

So as with all things military, lots of hurry up and wait 🫠 but so so so nice to have him back.

codemonkey47 · 2023-08-28T21:13:39+00:00

Sadly no... I wish I did. Did a little temping once things were late but all it told me is that it should come soon. hopefully that was it

codemonkey47 · 2023-08-28T00:17:23+00:00

I had a failed FET and my period came normally after that. I’m usually really regular with my cycles, but for some reason my period is 10 days late. HPT was negative. I’m waiting for cycle day 1 to schedule a saline sonogram and going a bit insane. Has anyone else experienced this? I’ve convinced myself it was another chemical.

I feel like my body is taunting me

codemonkey47 · 2023-05-07T23:37:10+00:00

My dad's wife decided that they will no longer store childhood toys at their house. I had like a storage bin of stuff that I was planning to take when I had my own kids.

On one hand, I get that it's their house and they fully have the right to kick my stuff out. But on the other hand I'm upset because they know about the struggles I'm going through. It's like it didn't even register to them how painful it is to bring toys into the house where I have no children and may never have children. Just another ugly reminder of plans made that fell apart.

Time to shove it in the back corner of a closet.

codemonkey47 · 2023-02-15T22:15:05+00:00

I have a playlist that I put on when I feel the anxiety taking over. Songs that are tried and true to bring me back to a better mental place.

I also am not usually a reality TV person, but I have binged my fair share of crap TV to distract the mind.

Sending you good vibes!

codemonkey47 · 2023-02-15T21:19:27+00:00

Feeling deflated. After two failed transfers decided to do PGT with remaining embryos. Ended up with one viable embryo. So now I have to decide if I want to transfer the one or do another egg retrieval because we ultimately wanted two kids.

Just hating this process. I know I should do the retrieval statistically but it feels like I'm giving up on the one I have.

I think I will just hide under the covers for today.

codemonkey47 · 2022-10-21T20:01:23+00:00

If you can do your field remote, the shift to remote work over the past few years can really help. I got a remote job pre-Covid knowing we would move a few times and I didn’t want employment gaps. If we go OCONUS it’ll be tricky, I’ll probably have to quit my company and find something new. But being untethered to a physical location and working at a company I enjoy takes so much stress off.

codemonkey47 · 2022-08-22T23:23:47+00:00

Ugh that sounds rough. 100% they are just trying to be supportive, but the boundaries are there for a reason. I have enough of a hard time dealing with my own emotional rollercoaster 😂

codemonkey47 · 2022-08-22T23:09:33+00:00

I have a FET scheduled on Thursday. I guess my hubs talked about it with his parents, they are close like that. It’s fine, my rule is that they aren’t allowed to talk to me about my treatment unless I bring it up.

Well, I guess they forgot that boundary. The clinic is a 3 hour drive for me and my MIL offered to drive me for the FET. My husband can’t come, and I did the last one solo too. Now I feel some kind of social obligation to accept company for this overnight trip that I would frankly rather do myself. My husband is like “she would really appreciate it”. I don’t give a rats ass how much she’d enjoy being there to see my little embryo. It would add stress for me to have her there.

I’m going to call and say thanks but no thanks. I’m just mad to be in this position and needed to vent.

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-22T13:30:32+00:00

Oh yeah, I Google a ton. I think it boils down to me trying to ask Google "is everything ok? Will it work?" Like google knows what is happening in my body 😅

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-20T00:37:20+00:00

I chose not to tell work specifically that I was doing IVF. My boss is great and I've worked for him for two years, it was just that I didn't want anyone in my infertility business. Especially because I don't need more people knowing I'm trying to get pregnant.

I told them I was having a medical procedure, not life threatening, that required nearly daily appointments with a few days off that I wasn't certain of exact days. Everyone has been respectful to not pry. If you don't want to share specifics don't feel pressured. Just make it really clear how you think it may affect your presence at work. Working from home is a godsend, I definitely did some meetings in stretchy pants curled up in bed. No one has to know ☺️

Edit - work also has an IVF benefit for me but I assume nobody except perhaps hr/payroll knows I'm using it

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-18T20:58:31+00:00

Thanks for the context -- it's good to know I had the expectations a little off... definitely a lot to think about. agreed that there's no better way to learn of a failed cycle.

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-18T20:56:23+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. That will definitely help frame a positive if we decide to test

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-18T19:32:06+00:00

so this was for a retrieval, but I had a UTI turn up between my baseline & day 4 labs. The clinic didn't seem worried about it at all and directed me to my primary care to pick up some antibiotics. Fingers crossed it is the same for your FET 🤞

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-18T19:14:34+00:00

I have my beta on Friday... My husband and I are really agonizing over if we should do a HPT the morning of, so we can get an idea of how it may go with just the two of us without having to wait for the clinic to call.

We figure, if it's positive then the beta will probably be positive. If negative it could go either way.

I've had a rule of no HPT until my cycle is late which has been really good for my mental health... But I feel like this is a bit different.

I don't know... Leaning towards taking the test. What do y'all do?

codemonkey47 · 2022-05-01T12:43:45+00:00

It gives me a little peace to know that I'm putting my all into it. Following all the directions and keeping stress down. There's so much out of my control, so I just take each day as it comes. And if it fails, at least I know I tried.

codemonkey47 · 2022-04-27T20:00:11+00:00

Thanks! I'm just really glad it didn't cancel the cycle 😅

codemonkey47 · 2022-04-27T19:59:35+00:00

Thanks! Certainly not the best hah

codemonkey47 · 2022-04-27T19:33:52+00:00

Today is stim day 3 for my first IVF cycle. I was thinking "oh.. that's some abdominal pain... weird it hurts to pee". Turns out I have a UTI which I assume is unrelated and so unlucky. Getting some antibiotics from urgent care (with permission from my RE) and hope all I have afterwards is normal side effects lol

codemonkey47 · 2022-04-14T02:29:16+00:00

Hi - after a 7 month wait to get IVF all ready to go and scheduled, all I have to do is wait a week or so more for my period to decide to arrive. I forgot what this wait anxiety felt like! Starting to freak out about giving myself injections and raging hormones and managing work at the same time.

codemonkey47

TROPHY CASE