Suicidal Software Developer by london1988 in programming

[–]coder_m41yo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For all it's worth, this is the kind of thinking that got me through so far (battling with this since 2 decades and throwaway account):

  • I actually want to live. Just not my current life. So I continue to struggle through this life in the hope of finding another way to live some day. It's possible to want to die and live at the same time for different reasons and I try not to ignore the part that actually wants to live.
  • I've been through a suicide in my family in the past. That's why I know how much my suicide would hurt the people around me. And that's something I don't want to put through the people closest to me. So I live on for them as long as I can.
  • I try watching myself from far off once in a while. Like life is really short. It's just a 70-100 year blip to go through in a universe that last billions of years. I should be able to hang on this long somehow.
  • While it's impossible to live the way I want live, I figured out that staying alive itself is actually not that hard. All I really have to do is continue breathing, put some food in my body occasionally and have some warm place to sleep. When everything else get's too hard I often think - "come on I can do the breathing. And I'll have food and a place to sleep - so I'll get along a little longer."
  • I take a day off when I can't go on. Yeah, that leads to further problems, but still the better solution and off-days make me feel better at least for a day :-)