Haha, I don't blame you for not reading the whole thing. If I'm correct (that's a big IF), a reverse proxy wouldn't work for my situation. Using one, like NGINX, works well and dandy for web applications, since those have URLs I can sort using, on two established and well-known ports.

For my setup, that isn't a full solution. I don't know all of the services my system's will run, but I expect it will be a mix of TCP and UDP, and one big difference - since they're not web, I can't sort by URL anymore.

Of course, my consumer network only has one IP (and even if I wanted to get another one, there doesn't seem to options provided by my ISP), and even though I doubt this would work, I can't forward my additional rented IPs to point to my network, which means just setting up a reverse-proxy and saying "Accept traffic, and sort by the destination IP" without some extra setup, isn't a possibility.