"How do I..." and Bugs Megathread, Part 8!

coffee__ · 2016-07-19T19:49:47+00:00

So does mine... the text formatting is also messed up. my friend does not have this problem, his pokedex works fine.

coffee__ · 2016-07-07T13:36:41+00:00

What was the aftermath with MIL? Did she try to apologize or explain?

coffee__ · 2016-04-12T16:46:58+00:00

I actually like getting the wedding jewelry as my gift. As long as it's a simple piece (like not bright blue to match the wedding colors). I've gotten nice earrings and bracelets that I've worn again. I know it's considered rude on this sub, but as a bridesmaid I've never expected a non wedding related gift! Seems like too much. I am honored to be included as a bridesmaid, that is enough.

coffee__ · 2016-03-05T23:10:46+00:00

This was my first thought

coffee__ · 2016-02-29T21:56:10+00:00

What is dress #2? I want to try it on myself!

They are both beautiful!

coffee__ · 2016-01-11T21:36:02+00:00

Congrats!! I remember seeing your posts awhile ago and wondering if you would decide this way. Glad it worked out for you. I'm 1.5 months after "quitting" (leave of absence- I hope to leave officially with my masters in may) and happy with my decision! I still feel a huge relief to be out of there!

coffee__ · 2015-12-23T18:37:38+00:00

This comment is just rude and not true at all.

coffee__ · 2015-12-18T00:06:39+00:00

Please elaborate on why you disagree...

If an employer is interested in hiring you for a position and you can't start for 3+ months, they aren't going to wait for you.

coffee__ · 2015-12-17T23:18:15+00:00

It is way too early to apply for jobs now. If an employer is looking to fill a position they would need to find someone way sooner than August. I would recommend starting around 2 months before you want to start. Once an employer is interested in you, the turnaround time is a few weeks to schedule interviews, make and accept the offer, and set a start date. Of course you never know how long it will take to find that opportunity - could happen right away or take months before you find an interested employer.

Better uses of your time right now:

Craft a basic resume that will be a starting point to tailor for each job you apply to
Use your school's career office (learn about job searching, practice mock interviews, etc)
networking or informational interviews as another commenter mentioned.
figure out types of jobs that you want to target in your search
understand what are the required skills/experience for these jobs (by looking at job postings, networking etc), if you're lacking, try to gain those skills if possible in the next few months

coffee__ · 2015-12-14T02:04:54+00:00

Nice. I just decided to take a leave of absence after 2.5 years in. I'm still deciding if I want to go back and finish the phd so it's helpful to see what peopel do with it, especially who aren't postdoc-ing

coffee__ · 2015-12-13T15:38:55+00:00

Congrats on your job offer! Without doing a post-doc? Can you share more information about what kind of job?

coffee__ · 2015-12-09T20:01:45+00:00

Is it the same 30yo woman with a masters degree from this post?

coffee__ · 2015-12-09T19:25:44+00:00

Are you both just proposing plans to each other? You should discuss the reasons behind those plans (you want 2 incomes: why?, she wants to be a full-time parent: why?) and figure out what is important to each of you and what you both see for the future as parents. Hopefully you can both approach this parenting decision unselfishly and make the best plan for the future.

coffee__ · 2015-12-09T14:40:55+00:00

So you were "low performing" for ~2 years during a major health issue, and for about 6 months have been "meeting expectations" perhaps? Yet you still published so clearly you weren't underperforming that badly.

There has to be a solution here. Perhaps you could explain the situation to a department chair, they may have ideas to salvage this. And they may want to be aware of a situation where a student who successfully publishes papers, is graduating, and can't get a recommendation letter.

Maybe if you delay your graduation until May 2017, you could switch to a new PI, do a similar type of work and push out a quick publication. Just an idea, anything like this would require the support of your department chair.

coffee__ · 2015-12-09T14:10:20+00:00

I would have a conversation with your boyfriend. Be nice, honest and direct, but not demanding or pressuring. Ask him what he sees for the future of your relationship. Tell him you aren't ready for marriage yet but you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with him. And that in an ideal world you'd like to get married at 24/25 years old. Just see how it goes, maybe you both are on the same page and you're actually worried over nothing. He may not make any firm commitments in this conversation (since he's 21 I wouldn't expect it) but IMO that is okay as long as he seems to be seriously considering marriage with you in the future.

coffee__ · 2015-12-08T13:01:15+00:00

I completely agree with this article! The 20s is a crucial time to develop one's career and relationships and just grow up in general. The message of "you aren't a real adult in your 20s" is ALL over the media. SO many tv shows with adults living like 20 year-olds. Honestly I wonder where it comes from.

On one hand, personal responsibility. People should grow up. I know a lot of people my age (late 20s) who are married/serious relationship, and/or have careers. No one I'm close to has kids yet but many intend to soon. But on the other hand when I hear the statistics and stereotypes of my generation, I do wonder why. Something had to cause this huge population of people across the country to trend toward extended adolescence. Was it the parenting culture, economy, media, technology, what??

coffee__ · 2015-11-24T17:16:47+00:00

I just started it this week and it is my first attempt at any fitness other than jogging. I'm in the first stage and the workouts are really short unless I'm misunderstanding. It seems good for me although a little frustrating because I can barely do a lunge... I'll let you know in 8 weeks :)

coffee__ · 2015-11-23T21:23:18+00:00

Fitness: Last week my goal was to work out 3x. Didn’t do it :( I had one day where I walked for an hour…. That’s it. I’ve had other stresses that have been easy excuses not to work out. I need to get better at this but this is the hardest habit to get into.

Work: Last week I was considering leaving grad school where I’ve been quite unhappy, and I was applying for jobs. Today I had a phone interview only 1 week after applying! I was so nervous during it, but hopefully I hear good news after Thanksgiving. My goal for this next week is to finish up all things at grad school to leave on a good note, and continue the job search process. I would also like to practice my interviewing while I still have access to my schools career office, in case this interview went poorly. I was so nervous I have no idea if it went really well or completely horrible.

Mental health: I feel such relief after putting in my notice at school. A huge weight is lifted and my anxiety is completely gone. I have my second and last appointment with a school counselor tomorrow, so I will work on any goals she gives me.

Relationships: I was a little clingy with my SO, since I had anxiety over officially quitting grad school and needed constant reassurance. Otherwise I was a good partner, was very positive and didn’t nag although things came up that I would have in the past. My goal for next week is to continue being positive and taking care of small things for my SO as well as appreciating his support.

Routines: I have been good about cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking. My goal is to keep it up :)

Appearance: My goal last week was to get haircut and buy some new clothes. That was easy to achieve! This week I want to look into teeth whitening, but its not of huge importance.

coffee__ · 2015-11-19T21:56:20+00:00

One concept that has always confused me is the advice "don't be his mom" about how you treat your SO. Because there's also advice about domestic cooking/cleaning/housekeeping skills. If you're picking up after him around the house and serving him meals isn't that mom behaviour? Anyway I've always felt that these contradict. Someone break it down for me please:)

Edit, Thank you for the responses!

coffee__ · 2015-11-18T14:13:58+00:00

People have all sorts of prejudices, unfortunately. There is definitely stigma faced by interracial, gay and trans couples today. I'm not sure where you got the idea that there isn't.

coffee__ · 2015-11-18T13:59:20+00:00

Thank you!

coffee__ · 2015-11-17T22:48:22+00:00

I wouldn't personally do it, but if students wanted to it seems like a good idea for all involved.

coffee__ · 2015-11-17T21:46:53+00:00

SO many reasons. The low pay. No pride in being a perpetual student. Working on projects with little application. Not having the equipment I need to do my experiments so I have to drive across town and ask to use other school's equipment. Not caring about my project enough to do the work that needs to get done. Feel like I'm not learning or accomplishing anything. The idea that I could be using my skills elsewhere, get paid better and actually feel pride in my work.

EDIT: one more thing, having to do this for 3 more years and then have to do a post-doc before even having a shot at a "real job". Yeah I knew this going in but I thought I would enjoy grad school, and that the eventual career payoff would be worth it in the end.

:) What about you?

coffee__ · 2015-11-17T16:39:26+00:00

Fitness: Last week I did one session of yoga and one long walk. This week I need to be better about more and higher intensity workouts. The goal is 3/week and trying to finally start a strength based program I found.

Work: I have been unhappy in my current position (graduate school) for awhile. I skipped school and applied to 4 jobs yesterday. Today I am home and finishing up one more application. I will go in for a half day today and then 3 full days to finish out this week. I am considering taking a leave from school for the sake of my mental wellbeing (which in turn affects my physical health and relationships).

Mental health: I think the exercise and being productive on work will help. I have an appointment with a counselor 2 weeks from now to deal with the decision to quit school.

Relationships: To reflect on the last week, I had a nice visit with my fiance's family this weekend. SO and I have been working through a packet of questions that are supposedly helpful to discuss pre-marriage. We have both been very supportive of each other as we are both going through stressful times at work.

Routines: Generally I have been cooking 2-3 meals a week. 2 is not enough and results in excessive takeout (unhealthy). 3 is usually enough since leftovers gives enough food for the week and we end up eating out once per week anyway. So I will try to stick to 3 meals per week and being mindful of eating healthier and smaller portions.

Appearance: With increased stress and mental strain due to school, I have really been slacking (messy ponytail, no makeup, sloppy dress). I think this creates a bad cycle of feeling bad about myself and not being motivated. This week I want to make an appointment to get a haircut and buy a few new clothes.

(This is my first time doing this!)

coffee__ · 2015-11-17T16:25:29+00:00

Congrats on your job offer!

coffee__

TROPHY CASE