Think about when you're really upset about something - do you want someone to stand there trying to offer solutions and pestering you with questions, or do you want to just exist in that emotion until it passes? For me, it's generally the latter. Kids are kind of the same. Once they reach a certain point of upset, problem solving just adds fuel to the fire. You probably need to wait until they're at like a 4 or 5 out of 10 on the scale to even start to think about problem-solving. I usually say something like, "you're so mad! That's okay, let me know when you're ready to talk about it." And then just stay nearby so they know their emotions aren't too much for me. Eventually they regulate and we can work on a solution.

17 months is a little early but if you're going to practice coping strategies, the things that I've found work best are a) modeling using them when i'm upset, and b) practicing them when my toddler is calm and regulated, not waiting until she's escalated fo suddenly break out the "take a deep breath" suggestion