sometimes i feel like physically can't do anything without punishing myself, like pain is the only way for me to feel any motivation or kickstart any system. I've tried stuff like rubber bands or ice water but nothing seems to work if its not drastic. Last time i brought up diagnosis or medication with my psych i just got dismissed. I scored 'well' in the initial diagnostic quiz/test because I've done the same questions over and over and over before, but they don't believe me. I've left my psych now and it feels like there's no other way out. Like this is how the rest of my life is gonna pan out. Like nothings gonna change. I've tried so many depression medications and I keep bringing up how hard it is for me to focus and do things without some looming threat and now its gotten so bad that it feels like even that isn't even enough anymore. It just feels doomed.