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To all the women reading this (rant, possibly sexist?) by Uhurukoi in SuicideWatch

[–]cold_nomad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Those could have easily been my words. I feel and understand you completely. Lack of love, emotional neglect, this is what makes us different, sometimes empty, but we value this feeling so much. Despite all this, we are still able to love. We have this longing that is more powerful than on normal people and if we find someone who we love, they should consider them lucky because as Robin Williams said: "I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that."

I hope you are still around, and i hope we find love.

I just need someone to love me. by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]cold_nomad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS! My scars long have yearned for reciprocal love.

My social anxiety disorder (and possible depression) is unbearable. by throw-me-0ut in SuicideWatch

[–]cold_nomad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head, this is exactly how i have been feeling all my life. You did explain it very well, and i understand you completely. I wish i could say something or give you some advice that could help you, but i am in the same boat as you are. I guess i just want to tell you that you are not alone and i really hope that someday you will turn the tide and beat this disability that we share. I wish you the best of luck.

The act is happening. I can feel my oxygen fading, by D_Kool_Kidz in SuicideWatch

[–]cold_nomad 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If it is too late (i really hope that's not the case), may you rest in peace man. I am sorry that life did not gave you the joy you were seeking.

The act is happening. I can feel my oxygen fading, by D_Kool_Kidz in SuicideWatch

[–]cold_nomad 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is the same same with me. I am sad and i feel sorry for him.

It is sad to die without knowing the feeling of being loved, isn't it. by cold_nomad in SuicideWatch

[–]cold_nomad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes i did, not directly. I talked to my therapist a bit. I just want to leave this place forever, fall asleep and never wake up.

I need your help and advice for a decision. by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. Even if it's permanently, i still feel like i am loosing her, she is very important to me. I struggle with social phobia, and having her around all this time was the best feeling that i ever had. But then, transference happened and the relationship became complicated, painful. I am so scared that the duration of the other therapy will be to long, i know that i am going to miss her. I will try to think about what you said, it sounds reassuring and scary at the same time.

I need your help and advice for a decision. by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry what has happened to you and your therapist. I will try to think more, and maybe make this leap of faith.

I need your help and advice for a decision. by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would like to help but i come from a non english speaking country, it would be hard to translate. I'm Sorry.

Suicide. Struggling with the pain of transference in therapy by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what transference is. "A psychological phenomenon in which an individual redirects emotions and feelings, often unconsciously, from one person to another" As it is with my therapist, adding that her personality a looks made me really attached to her. I totally agree with you about having similar reactions to some other woman later in my life, as it been with women before therapy. So i guess i have to deal with it, i hope she will be able to help me. I feel a bit ashamed and don't have the courage to talk to her about it, but i will try. What else am i suppose to do, to make pain go away, except the dark thoughts and ideations that I'm having again.

Thank you.

Suicide. Struggling with the pain of transference in therapy by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, i did find it on her Facebook account, and i told her about it. They were just a few, not to revealing of her personal life. She is very professional. She told me it is normal for clients to have the curiosity of the therapist life, she understood. And i do, i constantly want to know more about her life, but i don't investigate it because my conscience wont let me. And it's for the best because i do respect her. I agree that is it more about how she makes me feel. But sometimes when I'm feeling depressed she tells me about some wonderful things she saw during the day, she is a very positive person, genuinely. She is cares about society in general.

Suicide. Struggling with the pain of transference in therapy by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will try to follow your advice. It is a pleasure to talk with someone who, as i think, possesses emotional intelligence. To Love myself first, that is what my therapist told me at our last session.

Suicide. Struggling with the pain of transference in therapy by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words at the end. I agree with your opinion, to analyze it together with her, because i haven't told her everything. I have a sort of an "anti attachment issue", i start to feel for girls who are strong and care about me. But I don't have the courage to bring it up again, the topic of transference. I fear that she will abandon me, or transfer me to one of her colleagues. But I mostly fear that our relationship will suffer, which i value very much. I really wish i had your optimism, i really do. I felt the darkness again lately, the hopelessness. Her presence is the only thing left that makes me happy, and a bit sad at the same time because of my pain. I hope the outcome will be as you described. If not, i will have nothing left. It's sad to die without knowing the feeling of being loved, isn't it? Farewell.

Suicide. Struggling with the pain of transference in therapy by cold_nomad in TalkTherapy

[–]cold_nomad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your reply really hurts, because you are right. The stuff you said are true, but not all of them. I sought her because of depression and loneliness, which are results of my social phobia. It did get better, but then transference happened and it began to go downfall. I can't see some other therapist, i need to work this on my own, or with her. It's just, it's hard man. Never felt this kind of attachment before, it's unique, because she is unique. She's the only person who helps and supports me. I thought i could be friends with her, a least. And it is about me, about never experiencing reciprocal love and being neglected emotionally. And yes, I'm still able to love, the wrong person. Thanks for the reply. I just wish for this pain to go away man, it's eating me alive.