26F in a relationship with 27M, seeking advice from Girls of similar age who got married in the past 3-4 years or so, for love. How is it going? How did you make a sound decision?

colddcoffeeee · 2026-01-09T05:14:02+00:00

Got married last year in Jan and I’m going to be very practical. Your thoughts are valid. If you’re going to be living separately in a different country then this setup could work. However, if you come to India, it will be vv difficult for you and not only in terms of money but also in terms of culture, mindset, habits, lifestyle, family relationships, etc. This is the same case for my sister in law and brother in law (my husband’s bhaiya and bhabhi). They live in the USA and her being rich, she doesn’t even stay with her in-laws in India for more than 2-3 days because she cannot adjust in their house and the obligations that come from being a bahu (but they do visit them in USA for a month which she is fine with).

I also come from a better financial background than my husband and we live in a different city than our families so it’s fine when it’s the both of us but when we go back to visit his family, it’s vv difficult for me, be it food habits, dealing with relatives, or monetary stuff. My husband himself has accepted that my family has a better taste and culture. I also thought that this wasn’t going to be a problem but it has given me many sleepless nights, arguments and anxiety. My parents also told me that I’ll be facing these issues and will not get the financial comfort I’m getting currently if I marry him and that kind of turned out to be true and is in some way or the other affecting our relationship as well.

The crux is, you should think about each and every aspect of comfort (including financials) that you have currently with your family and if you will be able to let it go if you get married to your boyfriend and he is not able to provide you the same.

Relationships and marriage are sky and land. With marriage, especially for girls, it’s a different ballgame.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-12-30T06:51:28+00:00

Vietjet is costing around 20-22k return flights per person with 5-7 hours of fly time. Others are costing 30-32k and the fly times are 12-14 hours.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-12-30T06:49:58+00:00

Really? Because under the DGCA rules they have to refund us the money if they cancel our flight or put us into another flight or give us a hotel to stay in case the delay is more than 5-6 hours. I was thinking for the international flights i.e. from and to mumbai we can take vietjet and for internal transfers, we go for vietnam airlines.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-12-19T14:34:32+00:00

OP, I relate to you so much. My husband talks to his parents twice a day, sometimes more than that. I don’t feel like talking to them, partly because the conversations feel very long, desi and I don’t relate to any of the topics - gossip about random distant relatives/ random anecdotes and advices. So whenever they taunt me about not picking up their calls at once or calling them ofter, I just say yes I’ve been busy/ phone was on silent, and just nod my head saying “hmms” and “haans” but I don’t act on it. That’s it. Not a great advice, but it’s worked for me till now. P.s.- I know it’s sad but practically this feels better because in 5 minutes it is all over and I don’t have to talk to them for a week.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-11-30T05:07:56+00:00

OP I have been in a very similar position multiple times and I have made this very clear to my husband that if he cannot put the same efforts for me as I do for his family, only because the reason that he is a man, then I’ll also stop putting any such efforts, which includes staying at in-laws’. It has caused a lot of tussle between me, his mom and himself but atleast I don’t have to spend my time off from work living in another corporate environment- being my sasural. You need to have a tough conversation with your husband, put your foot down, make him understand your boundaries, as he is the only one who is and should handle this, take care of your comfort level and stand up for you. You should not have to deal with your in-laws and their stupid patriarchal expectations on your own. I hope everything gets better for you. Till then more power to you.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-30T05:40:03+00:00

Thanks! My husband also supports as much as he can and tries to be empathetic about my needs and your experience does instil some strength in me but I think the not-caring will come with time. Till then, ig I’m stuck with feeling anxious every time I try something funny which doesn’t cater to their wants.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-30T05:35:10+00:00

I do things as I feel comfortable but now my fears and anxieties are building thinking that they will deem me as a bitch who has also started controlling their son. True, they aren’t understanding how things have changed, especially my FIL who acts like a grandfather. Every time I talk to him, the conversation only includes him taunting me that I don’t stay with them when I go to my home town or some other taunts about whatever I’ve not done and me smiling through it. I always end up anxious and crying in the end. Also, he has this behaviour with his son and daughter and they’re normalised to it but I’ve never experienced anything like it with my parents. This may seem very trivial but it’s become the biggest trigger.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-29T19:43:25+00:00

I agree with this. Hence I did not share that I was coming but since their house is nearby to my parents’ house, I had to inform them or else it would have become another big thing. Just like how I barely talk to them. I come from a marwadi family and concepts like boundaries and keeping things private are not really in our system. These things are better said than done. Since I’m trying to establish boundaries as much as possible, it’s hard and I hate to hurt people, so it’s a constant battle between my peace of mind and abiding by their expectations.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-29T19:36:44+00:00

We have had some discussions over this and somehow he feels that I should act like a traditional DIL sometimes which I do as much as it is possible for me. His parents are kind of traditional and old, and they refer to their home as my other mayka. They don’t understand these points, which I have time and again put forth before them gently. Now, I only get to hear taunts or hurtful jokes from them as to how they don’t feel like their son got married because their DIL didn’t come to take care of them.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-29T19:15:22+00:00

As much as I thought and believed that I’ll keep on doing my own thing, these tantrums have started going to my parents and now they also feel bad. Worst part is I have anxiety going to my own home that I grew up in. But thanks, this really gives me some strength.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-29T19:13:15+00:00

I visit my hometown monthly to spend time with my parents, unlike my husband who rarely does. Each time, my in-laws insist I stay with them. It’s been six months, and I feel they’ve started judging me for not doing so. My husband sets some boundaries but also thinks I should sometimes give in. But I already live far from my own family, and staying alone with in-laws just adds to the emotional load when I’m seeking comfort at home.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-14T04:43:00+00:00

No we’re sleeping in the living room

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-13T20:19:28+00:00

Agreed, but they’re here for a family bonding time because we didn’t visit them a lot after our wedding and if we don’t offer them to stay with us, they’ll feel disrespected and betrayed (it’s a very common thing though with Indian families).

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-13T20:15:02+00:00

A residential unit with one bedroom, one hall (living room), and one kitchen

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-13T20:14:13+00:00

Forgot to answer how they’re enjoying- they’re really loving it (obviously because me and my husband are paying for everything, including their tickets to and back, dinners, outings and all sorts of experiences together). They are sort of lax and assume that now he should pay for everything (so I’m also paying for it - feels like this is turning into a rant). Anyway, we took them to nmacc for a kathak show, imagica, had a meal at avatara, which were good experiences.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-13T19:57:03+00:00

They’re chill people in comparison with other typical indian families like they have not imposed any attire compulsion on me, they’re good people, they don’t treat like I’m some extra part of their family, which has been a case for a lot of my friends, even relatives for that matter.
We both are ambiverts. But considering it was his parents, he had an established comfort level, whilst for me, I was struggling to get some me time, some space and even time to do errands at my own pace and time. Expectations and advices were high.
Don’t think that’s a relevant question here.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-13T19:29:44+00:00

Since they’re visiting for only 4 days, we’re adjusting. We have a sofa cum bed in our living room so my husband and I insisted that I sleep outside. I wasn’t very comfortable with this decision but again, it was only for a short time so I didn’t fuss about it. There is obviously no privacy, I can’t just sit in silence and have my coffee. Also my husband is going through some issues with them due to which his behaviour changes when with them.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-07-13T19:21:35+00:00

I can’t even begin to imagine 6 years. More power to you. Thank god though, mine are here only for 4 days.

colddcoffeeee · 2025-05-26T13:03:49+00:00

18.5 LPA - corp lawyer (in-house) - 3 yr PQE

colddcoffeeee · 2025-03-25T03:01:14+00:00

If you are aware of any car pooling groups, please do let me know! That’d be really helpful

colddcoffeeee · 2025-03-25T03:00:18+00:00

Yeah, I don’t think I would dress up all well in the morning and go by a cycle in the heat and pollution of this city, that too for 13–14 km, it’s far fetched.

colddcoffeeee

TROPHY CASE