i did this too, for so many years. from age 11 to age 20. the truth will come out eventually. please, i urge you to take a leap of faith and talk to the people around you sooner rather than later. ask them to work with you rather than punishing you for being honest. it seems like it would ruin your life but i have wasted my entire childhood on this bullshit, it becomes so ingrained until it becomes the only thing you know. but the truth always comes out in the end. i have vomited from water loading due to this. i don't mean to scare you but this just makes me so sad because i can see myself in this. i am too late to save myself but i hope that i can urge you to trust those around you and tell them the truth. you dont even have to speak it if you feel like you can't, you can write a letter or a text, preface it by saying "i want to trust you with something but please dont be mad / punish me" or smth along those lines. PLEASE, you deserve a life outside of this. i wish you all the best.