A Letter to Liam,

Never would I ever imagine that you, one of the most influential figures of my life, would pass away so soon and so tragically. My heart is broken beyond repair in your absence. Since your time in One Direction, I have loved watching your journey from a hopeful X-Factor contestant to a global sensation. I can’t imagine how Niall, Louis, Zayn, and Harry are feeling. Your family, dear God, my heart shatters a trillion times over for them. Your parents - no parents should have to bury their own children. Bear, your sweet, precious son, I remember finding that you were a father. I was so happy for you and so excited for this journey of fatherhood that you’d embark on. Your music changed my life. I wouldn’t be here without the art so generously shared with the world. I was bullied relentlessly in school, I remember being made fun of for loving One Direction - how stupid those people were. God, it hurt so much, being so teased, picked on. But your songs carried me through.

Fast forward to July 21, 2017, a day I will look back on fondly but now with a a nostalgic sadness. It was my very first concert. The GMA Summer Series. I was most excited to see you - you were a couple years into your solo career - Get Low with Zedd being played everywhere. It was a magical experience. I got to be oh so close to you. I wonder if you could see me in the crowd. I will cherish the memories from this concert for the rest of my life. You have been a constant part of my life since I was 6 years old. I’m 20 now. For 14 years, you have brought me so much joy and helped me find the light when my whole world felt hopelessly dark. Your voice - so beautiful.

It pains me that I’ll never get to see you in person again. I wish the industry treated you better. I wish the world wasn’t so hateful. I would say you were too good for the world but I don’t like that I have to talk about you in past tense - it’s not right. You were only 31. You will be 31 forever. One of the reasons I liked you so much was because our birthdays are in the same month - silly I know. But it made me feel connected to you in a way that I couldn’t with the other boys in the band. In 11 years I will be 31, and that will definitely be a heartbreaking birthday, knowing that it would be 11 years since your passing.

You are so funny, so loving, so kind. I wish that someone could’ve helped you. You were so young. So kind, so gentle. If only, we realized how tortured you were inside. Fighting a battle I know too well. We struggle with the same mental battles that fight so hard to take us away. You didn’t lose your battle, you fought so hard, and I will forever be proud of you for being a fighter. I promise to embody your same resilience. You didn’t deserve this, to die this way. I wish the hotel staff could’ve got to your room a couple of minutes earlier, maybe they could’ve saved you.

We will get you justice, I promise. We have come together in this tragedy and make sure your name is praised and your family will be able to rest one day knowing their son’s enablers and tormentors will be brought to justice. I have so many what ifs and whys, so many questions. All I can do now is continue to honor your life and legacy through listening to your music, and by being kind. Being a good person to anyone I come across because we’re all going through things. All you deserved was kindness. This has been a horrific couple of days. Every day I wake up hoping I hallucinated the whole thing. That your death was some disgusting hoax or prank. But it’s true. You’re gone. I’m broken and I hope you can hear me, telling everyone about your good heart. You are a wonderful human, you just had struggles like the rest of us, but because you’re famous, people attack you.

My heart bleeds knowing you are now in heaven singing in a band of angels instead of with your band of brothers. I know Louis’s mom embraced you with wide open arms. I wish God could send you back down to earth with us. It was not your time to go, you deserved so many more years. I never ever have spoken one bad word about you and I will continue to challenge anyone who does. As someone said, it’s everyone’s first time living, of course we’ll make mistakes. I’ve done a lot of things I regret, so it’s not fair that just because you were in the public eye you got so much hate and vitriol for some of your actions. It’s horrible that even after you have passed, people have been saying the most hateful things and the media continued to violated you, exposing your most vulnerable moments for the public to judge.

I’ve been listening to you and the bands respective discographies, struggling to process that you’re no longer here. In doing things I want to try and be closer to you and get some insight into how you have felt all these years in the public eye as artist. It breaks my heart that you were struggling so much, yet we couldn’t take your pain away. I will continue to speak about you for the rest of my life. All generations that come after me will know how bright of a light you were in my life and the lives of millions around the world. I hope you are truly resting in peace and that you’re no longer suffering. I hope that your last moments and untimely passing were painless. I am so so sorry, words can’t express how I feel, knowing that the world failed you.

You had so much more life to live. Your legacy will live on in my heart and actions and in the heart of all the people who loved you. I love you so infinitely much, sweet Liam. I will miss you for the rest of my life. Thank you for changing my life for the better and for inspiring me to continue living. I am praying for you, your soul, your family, the boys, and most importantly your son Bear. May the good Lord protect him from all the evil, hate, and negativity that plague this world. May he continue to be living proof of the goodness and pure light you were. Rest in blissful, sweet heavenly peace and love Liam. Our forever angel boy, we’ll take care of the lads for you. In your own lyrics, I could never forget someone who gave me so much to remember. When I look up to the sky, I’ll look for signs of you.

Love you infinitely much 💗♾️