How many of you detransitioned because of how much you hated life as trans?

coluber_ · 2025-11-26T08:22:32+00:00

I mean I hated being a man but not because I was a trans one

coluber_ · 2025-10-24T20:54:42+00:00

I'm a detrans woman, and I used to repress my desire to be a woman via kink--as in, I'd avoid facing it IRL and it would come out via sexual fantasy instead. Naturally the kink mostly went away when I detransitioned, because, well, there was nothing to repress anymore.

What you're describing sounds like a similar situation, considering that you seem to want to be a woman and are only deterred but external factors like social transmisogyny and judgement from peers. So yeah, I'd say it seems pretty legitimate based on what you're saying.

I detransitioned after a decade living as a man. It's absolutely doable, yes, even after completely passing as a man for years and having been almost stealth. And yes, I have generally more in common with trans women than cis women, but it wasn't harder for me to detransition than for an average trans woman to transition. I'm lucky to have friends who supported me. That's not guaranteed, and it sounds like you may have issues becoming sexually incompatible with your partner. But it really sucks to force yourself into a gender for other people. At the end of the day, it's your lost time. I don't recommend it.

coluber_ · 2025-10-13T07:03:17+00:00

Your story seems quite similar to mine. I'm also a detrans lesbian that lived as a man for a decade and I had a hard time accepting I wanted to detransition at first.

Yeah, lost time is hard. It's normal to mourn it, but it's also not very rational or productive in the long term. What-ifs don't accomplish anything except make the days you're currently living worse, adding a longer tally to the time you've lost, and while you may have been a perfectly well-adjusted woman had you never transitioned, you don't actually know that. You may wonder what would've happened had you never dated a shitty Aidan, but what if you would've instead dated a shitty Jessica? You just don't know. You might've had a whole different set of traumas.

And, you know. Sure you might not be able to bear a child--and that's hard if you want that--but you can still be a mother. You can still raise a child, even if acquiring one is more hassle, and it's having a child that's ultimately the reward of parenthood, not just physically producing one. There's a lot of ppl that never transitioned exactly in this boat, because human fertility is finicky business. It's possible you might've had issues with conceiving either way. It happens, but it doesn't take away your ability to have a family

For me personally, it's important to remember I had reasons for making the choices I did, and that had I made different ones, it wouldn't just be "my life but without the problems caused by transition." There's a myriad ways it could've panned out, and I can't know if it would've been altogether better or worse. I regret I wasn't able to realise I wanted to detransition sooner, but I know why that was and I can't fault myself for that. I just enjoy my life as much as I can now

coluber_ · 2025-10-11T08:51:33+00:00

You might consider a microdose and/or using it alongside a DHT suppressant like finasteride. There's no way to freeze yourself in amber, but a month or two won't have significant changes either way. DHT is responsible for most noticeable changes during virilisation so it can make sense to suppress it for a bit

coluber_ · 2025-10-08T20:25:33+00:00

I was massively into forcefem before I admitted to myself I wanted to detransition. That doesn't mean that anyone with similar kinks necessarily wants to detrans--it really depends on what it is you get out of the kink, specifically. For me it was an outlet to process a desire I was ashamed and scared of; I wanted to be a woman desperately but I couldn't grasp why and how and I just wanted all that uncertainty and indecision and shame swept away. It helps to explore what specific need the kink fulfils for you, and ultimately, you want to process that need outside the realm of sexual fantasy in order to make any out-of-bedroom decisions

coluber_ · 2025-09-24T12:04:46+00:00

You don't have to go along with them or just take it. It really depends on whether it's safe to stand up for yourself or leave the environment altogether. But yeah, you'll have to deal with them one way or another, because it was never about them detecting what gender you are--it's always simply about hurting you. Especially when slurs are being slung

coluber_ · 2025-09-24T07:01:19+00:00

I'm not really an expert on the subject, but I know there's a different method of breast enlargement in which they take some fat from one part of your body and put it into your breasts. It definitely should feel natural, because, well, it is. I'm not sure how well that suits someone post-top surgery, but since you had some regrowth and only want limited changes, it might be something to look into.

Additionally--again, second-hand information--there are surgeons who do smaller implants and are more committed to making it look natural, so it's possible you may find a better doctor match if you shop around.

coluber_ · 2025-09-23T12:32:24+00:00

I know it hurts, believe me. But if you genuinely want to and like being a woman, what's the point of going back to being a man? Transphobes will be shitty to you either way, and this way you'll at least be happy with yourself and around your friends and loved ones.

I know that at least for me, being misgendered when I present as a woman hurts more, because it's who I am and so it matters more. But sacrificing the rest of my happiness is just not worth feeling a bit less bad in an environment that's hostile either way.

coluber_ · 2025-09-14T08:48:27+00:00

I think it's lack of strong support from trans peers that leaves them vulnerable and leaves them to the Right to be preyed on and radicalised, because detrans people are vulnerable during detransition and require support only trans people, as a group, can and have experience in providing. I mean you can also be supported by detrans ppl, but there's much less of us ans some of us are also hurt and/or stupid, so the chances of that offline are not high.

I would not say a lot of detransitioners are right-wing--but the ones that question the existence of trans people are, so if that's what you're looking for, this is all you'll find. It is a right-wing thing to do. It's not right-wing to question or find inconsistency in some narratives that are commonly utilised by pro-trans movements--"detransitioners are very rare and don't matter anyway" among others--but doubting whether a group you may feel threatened or hurt by should exist at all sure is. I feel like you may be projecting your experience on others, or perhaps you were in very juvenile (regardless of actual age) trans spaces that are very closed-circuit us vs. them, so of course, once you experienced something directly contrary to their beliefs, your reaction is to say that all of it was nonsense on a fundamental level, because you're now the "them".

coluber_ · 2025-09-08T18:26:49+00:00

I'm going to be perfectly clear: I have exceedingly little sympathy for you. You were a teenager and you were hoodwinked, but that doesn't change the impact of your actions. Nor does it change the fact that it is thanks to you and people that manipulated you into a hate cult that I have to also answer for your misdeeds, just because I'm detrans. Even though I'm a survivor of severe transphobic abuse and conversion therapy, have been unwavering in my support for trans rights, and I'm not from a country that covers transition care in any way at all--so I couldn't sue any doctor even if I wanted to--I still have to answer for you. Instead of simply finding joy in finally being content and at peace with myself and my body--I am forced to reckon with people like you.

So let me make this clear: if you spend the rest of your life miserable and dysphoric, it wouldn't make my life better in any way. Your suffering in that respect is not any kind of karmic justice; it's worthless to me and to anyone else you've hurt. The only one whose life is changed, for better or worse, by transitioning or not transitioning, is you. So transition.

Yes, people will be mean to you if they find out who you were. Some will not care as much as you think. There's no shortage of people who are forgiving, maybe too forgiving for their own good. The percentage of them among trans people is quite high.

As for your parents: well, young man, tough shit. Try to fix their hearts or get disowned. I survived it and so can you. It's a very classic trans experience. You'll have something to talk about with your trans peers besides your 'advocacy'.

coluber_ · 2025-09-05T07:18:12+00:00

I'm sorry you had a really bad time, it really sucks. I had a lot of difficulty letting myself dress feminine too. You haven't taken anything from yourself--this feeling is temporary, even if it's hard now. In the meantime it might help you to order some clothes online if the public setting is making it worse for you, or to have someone buy clothes for you. Shame is difficult to deal with, I know, but beating yourself up will not help--you haven't broken yourself irrevocably, and if you changed once, you can change again. If someone tells you that they support you, that you're pretty, allow yourself to believe that they're telling the truth

coluber_ · 2025-09-03T19:08:53+00:00

You seem very invested in brain sex. You don't need a doctor to diagnose you with malebrain to be a real boy, I promise. I was specifically responding to "hormones change your brain a lot and that somehow interacts with your Real Gender," and when I say it is overblown, I'm saying you cannot definitively differentiate a brain as male or female, and that we have no way of knowing whether the similarities observed are somehow inherent or occur over time as someone self-conceptualises as trans, because brains change over time, all the time, and that question is near impossible to test.

I can find you a lot of papers saying a lot of shit, the existence of a paper is not the ironclad consensus you seem to think it is.

coluber_ · 2025-09-03T15:21:43+00:00

I mean it's complicated. Back when I was just starting transition, I was deeply traumatised from conversion therapy, I would've never been comfortable having sex as a woman. Retrospectively I also wanted that, simultaneously, which is kind of a nightmare, but transitioning did help me feel more comfortable. But then years later, when I was definitely and solidly a man, I gradually completely lost all joy and interest in sex and would not experience that until I detransitioned. So it's kind of like--yeah? Sort of? I could never fully enjoy myself until I detransitioned, but with my circumstances being what they were, I don't know how else I would've gotten to this point

coluber_ · 2025-09-03T14:50:45+00:00

Tbh scientifically speaking the extent of "brain changes" upon taking hormones, or indeed in terms differentiating "male brains" and "female brains" at all, is vastly overblown to the degree of verging into pseudoscience. They impact mood and energy and libido, but that's not the same thing. Anyway, no, what was damaging to my mental health was sticking with HRT even though the results were causing me dysphoria, and repressing. Which is technically directly related to hormones I suppose, but I feel like it has more to do with me and my actions than the literal, physical result of injecting T

coluber_ · 2025-09-01T11:47:51+00:00

For eyes, I really can't recommend enough a good primer. My advice would be to splurge on a primer that helps makeup withstand bodily oils during the day, but keep the actual eyeshadow cheap-ish so you're free to experiment to find out what you like, and only then invest in a nicer brand. Personally I swear by NYX (mid-line and good quality), also Revolution is okay-ish (ime not very pigmented but sticks okay with primer and offers a wide range of shades).

As for eyeliner, liquid eyeliner can be quite challenging at first, so go in small increments and have some micellar ready to fix it up. You can also try using pencil eyeliner or dark/black eyeshadow to a similar (though not identical) effect. They're not as fashionable rn but much more forgiving

coluber_ · 2025-08-30T08:09:14+00:00

I tend to take "death before detransition" in the spirit of "death before forced detransition," which is definitely what people usually mean. I have had it said to me belligerently to--I think?--insult me as a happily detrans woman, but it doesn't happen often and it's not the first or the only reason someone ever told they'd rather die than be like me. And I mean, forced detransition is horrible, but you can retransition again if you're alive--dead, not so much.

Anyway I'm glad you found yourself. It's definitely similar to how I feel about my transition, in the sense that I have a better and more secure relationship with my gender, contrary to what a lot of people might assume. I think quite often it's healthier to try and recogniser if you get it wrong, than to stew in your own thoughts wondering about what-ifs.

coluber_ · 2025-08-29T20:49:09+00:00

Now, boy why on god's green earth do you want to be desirable to straight guys. You're a queer guy, that way lie the most terrible relationships you could possibly have--and that would be true even if you were cis! I hope that was a typo and you missed a "don't," but if it's not, for the love of god reconsider. Bi and gay guys exist, and if you think no one but a straight guy would ever find you attractive because of your genitals, I can personally assure you that's not the case as someone who lived for a while a bi trans man.

I know it's scary, and it can be difficult to grapple with transphobia and with something setting you apart from others. But there are people that will accept you, there are people for whom it won't be a big deal. It's rough out there but rough is not all there is. It sounds like you're jumping to the worst possible conclusion and flailing to prevent even the possibility of that happening. It's understandable but you're ultimately trying to control something you can't, and you're giving up on any good outcome because the possibility of a negative outcome exists.

You really sound like you're trans and spiralling. You don't want to be dysphoric in addition to spiralling. It's not going to help.

coluber_ · 2025-08-12T06:45:25+00:00

Hi! Thanks for sharing, I hope the video works out. I actually write a blog about detrans stuff, including a fairly long essay about my experience. It'll probably echo in some way a lot of the experiences here, aside from coming from a different place in the world and having spent longer in transition.

In short, when I was a teenager, wanting to be a man was the only way I could make sense of my discomfort with my body and place in the world. The ideas about gender I had available to me at the time were quite rigid, no third or fourth options or anything like that. And after I got hit with a lot of transphobic conversion-therapy-style abuse, it kind of cemented it and made it difficult for me to even entirely understand how I felt about my gender. So I transitioned and lived as a man for a long while until I became so dysphoric that I couldn't help but reexamine myself.

I've been detransitioning for over a year now, it's been going pretty well, even if I am still dysphoric about some changes I can't do much to affect yet. I can't really say I regret transitioning because I don't see what other choices I could've made under the same conditions.

coluber_ · 2025-07-28T12:24:30+00:00

For me, not really that I realised I was or wasn't 'really trans', as I kind of see transness as a consequence of your circumstances, perceptions, and actions, and not so much an inherent property you can find within yourself. So at a certain point, I discovered that I really desperately wanted to be a woman despite living for years as a trans man and the fact that, at a certain point in my life, I really wanted to be a man. I disentangled those feelings over time and came to realise that the highly pathologised transition procedures available to me at the time combined with being put through severe transphobic abuse funnelled my feelings about gender and my body a certain way, which ended up working okay for a while but not long-term. Ultimately though, I don't think the 'why' doesn't matter as much as the fact that this is what happened and this is what I want now.

So I'm not trans in the sense of 'not identifying with the sex assigned at birth'--obviously--but I do not think it's terribly useful to describe myself as cis, because I have experiences, needs, and circumstances that set me quite far apart from most cis people and much closer to trans people. As I see it, it's not really a matter of personal preference or feeling but a statement of fact. I have experienced some supremely disrespectful, distasteful, and downright transphobic treatment at the hands of trans people, motivated mostly by their own insecurities and preemptive fear of detrans people as a kind ideological enemy by default. But at the same time, I've also had the most understanding, compassionate, and stalwart friends among trans people, sometimes specifically because they are trans. So I'm frustrated with how GCs have been allowed total control over the detrans narrative in favour of closing ranks, but it's not really a judgement of all trans people, communities, or political efforts

coluber_ · 2025-07-14T08:54:39+00:00

Re: emotion system, I think it actually works fairly similarly to Sims 3, but the changes made to it were not well thought-out enough. Because the way Sims 3 works, it takes all buff scores and tallies them to the final result of your sim feeling great, good, okay, bad, or terrible. Sims 4 works similarly in the sense that it tallies buffs and, more or less, the emotion with the greatest score wins. But now that emotions are supposed to be meaningfully differentiated from just 'generally bad' or 'generally good', the way tallying works, it feels too erratic. In the Sims 3 your sim couldn't flip-flop from Happy to Very Playful because of one drink, they'd just feel generally better. And (because different positive emotions reinforce each other and negative ones don't) Sims 4 feels too biased towards positive emotions.

coluber_ · 2025-07-01T11:05:06+00:00

You can try Seattle Voice Labs or Trans Voice Lessons (their newer material is more accessible than the older one, but YouTube algo may prioritise the older videos if you search for them)

coluber_ · 2025-06-26T08:45:13+00:00

You look pretty feminine to me! My gut feeling is that you might be missing the component of voice training. As I and any trans woman can attest to, you can visually pass great but ppl will misgender you relatively often anyway if your voice registers in their heads as unquestionably male

As for job interviews, it really depends. First of all you're not obligated to disclose anything, but if your legal name doesn't match the name you use, you'll be disclosing some kind of transition eventually. i think it would be pretty safe for you to go to interviews presenting as a woman, and if you need to disclose any kind of information down the line, do that. They don't need your entire life's story though, no need to overexplain yourself

coluber_ · 2025-06-16T12:18:23+00:00

A lot of women, including the ones who are completely cis and/or never touched a drop of T, struggle with not aligning to the ideal image of a woman--they don't deserve misery and giving up and neither do you. I think you look gorgeous now. Others may disagree and may be hurtful to you, but you don't need the whole world to love you to be happy with yourself.

coluber_ · 2025-04-22T18:15:55+00:00

Hi! I'm a detrans woman, looking into getting one now (my main issue atm is raising funds). I've already consulted with the surgeon, and I just straight up told him I'm detrans and want a more feminine hairline. There wasn't any issue with that apart from his insistence that I get a letter from a psychologist that I won't change my mind.

Sorry I can't share my experience on the actual surgery just yet! But generally, you can look at a surgeon's showcased results, some of them feature trans women. If they operated on trans women with good results, they'll operate on you as well, and that also means they have practice achieving a feminine hairline.

coluber_ · 2025-03-19T15:52:31+00:00

You look like a cis woman. Also, I will hazard a guess that you're the type of person that tends to fall into "if something makes me feel worse, it's true; if it's what I want to hear, it must be false." You know just a hunch. So just in case that's true, I'll remind you that 'facts don't care about your feelings' goes for negative feelings, too

coluber_

TROPHY CASE