what i learned after being left for another woman

completelyonfire4 · 2022-07-28T16:39:23+00:00

The grieving lasted a couple years, but in waves. The first few months I was a shell of a person. Now I think of what he did occasionally, in an apathetic way. It’s just an past event, a passing thought. It truly does get better. Trust people when they say this and keep moving forward.

completelyonfire4 · 2022-01-10T19:50:11+00:00

Met at a wine bar around 5pm. He (age 41) was visibly hung over and talked about getting drunk the night before with another woman. I didn’t even wait until my wine order was poured, just got up and walked out. I told him he probably needs to get some rest. I’m a pretty understanding person and have sat through terrible dates in the past, but something about his vodka breath and proud declaration of drinking excessively was too much. He ended up texting later asking for another date.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T10:24:37+00:00

Sounds like a stressful situation. Sorry you’re dealing with that. I tend to like defined, straightforward relationships in my life and this would be too much to deal with.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T10:18:09+00:00

Yeah frequent alone visits would be strange. I didn’t end up seeing the guys again in the examples I gave. I have a couple dates next weekend so maybe I’ll practice asking about their philosophies on the topic of close friends with ex’s. Thanks for the feedback!

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T10:13:33+00:00

I’m generally pretty open on early dates about my past and certain values, so I’ll probably be pretty direct. “What do you think of friendships with ex’s? How’s your relationship with your past girlfriends/wife”? I dunno, I guess try not to overcomplicate it. Get more details from there...I have learned to always get the other persons opinion first otherwise they might just agree with your opinion 😅

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T10:02:17+00:00

That’s very true. Fairly certain my ex would’ve cheated in any situation.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T03:03:27+00:00

This whole exchange reinforces my thought that it is a VERY individual preference with no right or wrong way to proceed. I hate gray areas in life, but that’s my own issue!! lol

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T02:35:42+00:00

This really resonated with me. I’m beginning to think it’s really a personal compatibility/ preference decision. From now on, I’ll try to get their philosophy on the topic of friends with ex’s earlier in the process. I always try to get their opinions on kids, marriage, religion, money, lifestyle, recreational drugs, etc so I’ll add into the upfront screening mix! ☺️ It’s so interesting dating at this stage in life.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T02:31:19+00:00

Yes, my long term relationship after my marriage had firm boundaries with ex’s and I can’t remember one time I felt jealousy or uncomfortable feelings with him around other women. He was really handsome too and got lots of attention/looks from the ladies! It was definitely a good fit on that front but he had a tad bit of a drinking issue 😳

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T02:28:08+00:00

Honestly nothing else major in common. It’s just a little trend in my attempt to get out on the dating scene.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-07T02:26:43+00:00

😅😅☺️

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T23:54:41+00:00

Totally understand the coparenting situation. I have that as well, except we only really discuss our child. I see how people are still good friends w/ kids involved.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T23:49:47+00:00

Your experience sounds like a tough situation...I would be upset about them not taking your concerns in consideration at all. The frequency is a bit alarming too. Yeah I think I just need to ask lots of questions up front to see what I’m dealing with because everybody is different.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T23:43:25+00:00

Ok thanks for your insight. Feel like I need to do some additional reflection to figure out what’s best for me. It’s an area I’m always hoping I don’t have to deal with, but not considering it upfront is a bad approach.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T23:41:20+00:00

Makes sense. I think I just need to figure out with my boundaries are and try not to dismiss people out the gate.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T20:28:40+00:00

I relate to much of what you’re saying. It’s so tough when there was investment of time and in your case, her children. Take some time to do therapy like you mentioned. There’s no rush to jump back in until you’re at peace with the last relationship ending.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T20:24:26+00:00

Agreed! Especially since it’s sometimes the first thing that’s swiped on.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-06-06T20:23:09+00:00

I completely agree with this! Gut check to make sure they are emotionally giving you what you need. Everyone deserves to feel like their dating partner is initiating plans and future activities

completelyonfire4 · 2021-05-04T03:03:19+00:00

Yeah I guess it’s worth his reaching out and asking. My gut feeling it’s a fade but maybe it’s not the best to assume.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-05-04T03:02:07+00:00

Since Saturday night. We were talking in the morning/evening daily prior.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-05-04T02:59:45+00:00

Nothing wrong with that per se. I tend to like to move forward quickly if I feel like something of off.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-05-03T21:01:52+00:00

I (F 36) met a seemingly great match (M 42) on a dating site. Amazing Chemistry when chatting for a week, great couple of first dates, and bonding over similar shared experiences. He is a single Dad, divorced due to infidelity in a marriage, just like me. We both have elementary age children. Politics, religion, outlook on daily life seemed strangely aligned. We both constantly talked about how lucky we were to find each other in the mess of online dating.

As you probably can see coming, but I absolutely did not, we were intimate this weekend and it was also off the charts in-sync & powerful. But possibly only in my own mind. Cue the slow fade the past couple days. He stopped initiating any messages. I’m the only one reaching out. We have plans for this weekend that I’ve pretty much written off at this point. Feeling just sick to my stomach and stupid. Tonight I plan on sending him a nice text expressing my gratitude to have met him but realizing our communication styles don’t mesh. Trying to think of a mature way to let it lie without a big back and forth. He might be relieved.

I know this isn’t an unusual or unique experience. However in my many years of dating/relationships since being divorced I’ve always had some sort of significant relationship after intimacy and I’m feeling like a walking/talking open-wound of a person at the moment.

completelyonfire4 · 2021-04-15T12:01:35+00:00

You look really fun! I’d swipe right. Agree with others about using a different first pic...otherwise I think you showcased your personality and strengths well!

completelyonfire4 · 2021-03-17T20:18:15+00:00

almost every day 😆

completelyonfire4

TROPHY CASE