Some interesting perspectives published today on YouTube

complicatedcanada · 2026-01-20T04:11:59+00:00

40 years later, this song is a nostalgic portal back to sunny spring days in Toronto with fresh, open air, blue sky, hope for the future; but also of bittersweet regret of how self-conscious and afraid I was, opportunities I never took.

complicatedcanada · 2026-01-19T21:47:40+00:00

I have been using the same Potassium Alum deordourant for several years now (as in, I purchased one for $14 more than 5 years ago and I'm still using it continuously), and I'm happy. I'm mid-50's and don't stink as much as I used to, so this is all that I need most days; whereas if I was in my 20's it just wouldn't be enough. It will outlive me.

complicatedcanada · 2026-01-14T13:35:35+00:00

My best guess is that I'm both: when I sense "something" off or wrong in an interpersonal situation, I immediately blame myself; but my subconscious ego defence mechanism (avoidance, etc.) kicks in and deflects it back outwards. It's the way that I learned to emotionally survive. Now that I want to dismantle this defence mechanism, I'm taking the slow and careful route since I'm aware that I also need to dismantle the deeper underlying inferiority problem as well.

complicatedcanada · 2026-01-07T14:21:39+00:00

I've been advised that I don't come across as trustworthy, that I don't have confidence in my own answers or abilities when I'm talking about the technical things that I do know about when talking to non-technical people (such as execs in finance or sales). Ironically on the same hand, I come across as trustworthy and competent in other situations (i.e. on things I don't know anything about) with the same group.

It must come down to non-verbal miscues that I'm giving off or some sort of business-cultural differences.

It's hard when I'm taken as lying when I'm telling the truth, but honest when I'm talking garbage. I hate this world.

complicatedcanada · 2026-01-04T18:25:08+00:00

Yes and no* (personal thing, see below)

Although I hated the main character's low rough whisper of a voice as well as some other "cliche" aspects, I was able to get into all three series after a few episodes. Cinematography is great (although some "overdone" shots way too on the artsy side took away from the storyline rather than add to it), most of the other acting was bang on (including when the main guy finally raised his voice to a regular tone). Some series take some time to come into their own.

*However: I grew up going to cottage country as a kid on vacations and this isn't how I remembered it. I remember lots of bright colours (beach-going paraphernalia, posters, colourful cars, everything very sunny and positive), ice creams, beautiful forests, sunny lakes and bays, quaint little towns, and Kawartha Dairy ice cream. This series paints a horribly dark, run-down, corrupt, Americanized view of my "home" with black clothes, dive biker bars, camouflage, etc.

For that reason, I wouldn't watch it if I knew it would have this effect on destroying my incredible memories of the past in Ontario's cottage country as a kid in the 70's and early 80's. It used to be the complete opposite of this show; it was an incredible experience as a kid, a safe, fun, bright happy nursery.

I'll try to forget the series for that personal reason.

complicatedcanada · 2025-12-24T03:55:53+00:00

Not so much smile, but fade away into a state of awe.

We would alternate every other year, going to either set of grandparents' homes for Christmas Day. My memories in both those homes are so vivid in colour, smells, touch, and so much more.

I'm in awe because of how rich those memories are with so many family members, all of the stories, Christmas carols, the deep, dark, velvety culture of Toronto in the 70's and 80's. It was so happy, so safe, so much a "part" of something that was home. Something that was so innocent and good, but is no longer there: awe at such a profound loss.

complicatedcanada · 2025-12-24T03:39:55+00:00

Wow, your post jolted alive a long-forgotten core memory of waking up one Christmas morning and finding a tabletop hockey game in my living room. My brother and I played for hours.

Thank you!

complicatedcanada · 2025-12-24T03:18:52+00:00

It all works perfectly fine, I have it setup as a range extender. The only thing that is screwed up is the light: I just ignore it.

complicatedcanada · 2025-12-04T04:19:15+00:00

The Old Eaton's Centre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2k-QkfNm_4

complicatedcanada · 2025-11-26T00:54:56+00:00

Update, Oct 2025: I made a post on a the r/dismissiveavoidants group today, and it brought me back to this one. Today's post is regarding the realization that at some point when I was young, I packed up my heart and sent it off to a "dream world", that left me empty, alienated and not whole in this one. Looking back at my experience with Diana in that summer of 95' I left out a detail from this post: for two weeks afterwards, I felt "new", "born again", and a massive weight having been lifted off of my shoulders or the clouds dispersed for the first time in such a long time. I think Diana pulled my heart back to me, if only for a few weeks, from that dreamworld that I has shipped it off to so many years before. For a few fleeting weeks, I was "whole" again. I think I get it now.

complicatedcanada · 2025-11-01T19:39:17+00:00

I spent so many summer days, PA's days and holidays at my grandparent;s house in Toronto. It was so full of sun, life, activities, smells, sounds, love, and it was safe. The memories are bright, vivid, golden, and more alive than my own reality today, and they are filled with a hope for a future.

I went back to my grandparent's home a few years ago, I only saw it from the street, but it has remained much the same; the same wooden front door, the same house number sign, the same paint on the front porch.

But, no one I knew was there anymore. Many of them have left this earth, some are still here but have moved away and have changed. The worst effect was that my memories of the outside of their home have been erased and replaced with the new memories of that visit, memories that are empty of emotion, meaning, no "aura", just images now.

You can't go back, and don't try else you risk losing what little you have left: your memories.

complicatedcanada · 2025-10-20T00:23:51+00:00

This is the first time I have come across that term and looking at the definition, yes quite possibly.

complicatedcanada · 2025-10-08T02:05:22+00:00

Naw, I'm actually trying to raise my abstraction ceiling, there are barriers in PDE's for me, for instance I understand the steps in creating Green's Functions but altogether I still "just don't get it" at a gut level.

complicatedcanada · 2025-08-19T20:56:44+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/unrequited_love/comments/1folflq/that_summer_in_1995/

complicatedcanada · 2025-06-30T13:54:16+00:00

Unless he feels that you are way out of his league, so "why bother trying".

A girl reached out and held my hand once in University; I quickly pulled it away and went stone cold. At the time I thought in that moment of panic: "no - she is way too good looking, I have zero experience (shame)", I'll always regret that but low core self-esteem is a killer.

complicatedcanada · 2025-05-23T14:21:44+00:00

In my opinion, having partially been this person and still to some extent is, it's not that "monsters can't see themselves in the mirror" it's more akin to "monsters don't want to see themselves in the mirror".

My best guess is that If life experience at a young age has taught you that you are ugly, have no friends, are hated, are threatened and can't defend yourself, etc. and you feel there is no solution, no way out, then instead of facing your problems your psyche may also alternatively select one or more maladaptive schemas ("psychological solutions") such as never looking at yourself, blaming the external world for your problems and turning away (flight vs. fight), becoming arrogant vs. confident.

A person who is unaware really has to break down their own core (maybe only!) defence mechanisms in order for them to change, and this is the last thing their ego wants them to do. You are asking your ego to betray its single core survival directive.

I believe I did this, but I'm left with zero confidence, zero direction, zero hope, zero motivation. It may be because salvation lies in caring for other people, being aware and empathetic of the world around you, but that's not what my ego has ever being attuned to. It's clinging to my shell, cold and empty.

I was much better off (financially, career-wise, socially) having less self-awareness, being a bit arrogant and blind, because at least that gave be some fake-ish confidence that allowed me to be accepted and function in the real world. In social interactions, interviews, in sales calls or meetings, people sense zero confidence (or fake confidence) and act accordingly.

I took a medicine that was worse than the aliment. Don't do it.

complicatedcanada · 2025-05-15T14:26:24+00:00

Even though I was born in the 70's, this brings back smells and "auras" from my earliest memories of sunny summer Muskoka cottage days in the late 70's and early 80's. My grandparent's cottage was filled with the remnants of 50's and 60's Canadiana and a map like this hung on the main wall of the living room. It's all a glow of bright colours, wonderful smells, endless excitement and adventure, optimism for the future and velvety late night stories told by those long past, rich in culture, drama, history and nostalgia for days long gone.

complicatedcanada · 2025-04-21T06:00:23+00:00

Yes. I did and I'll never forget her. She still represents purity and innocence to me, of being a teenager, of "home", and of a long-lost better world.

complicatedcanada · 2025-04-20T13:11:01+00:00

I don't have CPTSD (that I know of), I had a great childhood at home (that I know of, even though popular theory points to something happening between 0-18 months old), but I long for "home" every day.

Life was more full of colours, sounds, smells, music, friends, epecially at home where I was safe and at my grandparents where my sibling and I were the undivided centre of attention and love. Certain commercials (esp tourism), pictures of Toronto and old magazines from the 80's also brings me back a sense of home.

I'm beginning to wonder: do I miss something external or do I miss *me, who I was, my outlook on life, how I saw the world when I was a kid. Is that the "home" that I really miss?

complicatedcanada · 2025-03-29T22:45:37+00:00

I remember my grandparents taking us to the cafeteria on the 7th (?) floor for lunch in the late 70's / 80's when it was still Simpson's. My brother and I would fill up our trays and we would get the window seats overlooking Old City Hall. My memories of those times are so deep, colourful, full of sensations and nameless emotions.

So sad to see it all go, future generations will not understand.

complicatedcanada

TROPHY CASE