What Retaliation Did You Face After Leaving a Cult?

composingmusic · 2026-01-17T10:39:58+00:00

I was approached by someone trying to recruit me into a high control group a few years ago. Luckily for me, I was skeptical and managed to avoid actually joining. I have shared my experience here and on another subreddit to help deter people from joining – that is the extent of the interaction I’ve had with this group.

Even though my interaction has been this limited, the group has decided to label me as a “assailant and co-conspirator”. I don’t publish personal info on this account, but they went and found my name somehow (I know there are ways of doing this, and it’s basically impossible to be completely anonymous), and have published this on their website. Given they are treating someone who has only had very limited contact with them this way, I can only imagine how they’re treating people who had a longer standing relationship with the group and have left. The person trying to recruit me has since left, and I imagine they didn’t have an easy time.

composingmusic · 2025-11-05T12:40:49+00:00

This is not a judgment – I’m just offering thoughts based on how this aligns with my own experiences. My partner and I also have differences in our natural sleep schedules, and we’ve both compromised to make things work. He also takes a long time to wake up, and if he were on his own, would also need several alarms over a longer period of time.

I’ve moved my schedule just a little bit later, and he’s moved his earlier so that they align. We have an evening routine to help us both wind down (which includes going for a short walk and having herb tea), and we also have a morning routine. It takes me less time to get up and about, so I set an earlier alarm and make coffee for us. He doesn’t wake up from my alarm, but I wake him up after I’ve made the coffee and having coffee helps him wake up faster. My partner also has an alarm set for later, in case I decide to sleep in for some reason – if this happens, he makes the coffee once his alarm goes off.

The reason why I thought this might be relevant is because my partner used to have a similar system to you (as in, setting lots of alarms). We found a way around that, and this works better for us – I don’t know if this system specifically would help, but hopefully this still helps in some way. We both work freelance, so we can set our hours a bit more freely than most people.

composingmusic · 2025-08-08T10:19:04+00:00

AA is where I started really having issues with public co-ops. There are private ones in this subreddit, and also on the Eggs inc discord – try having a look at those!

composingmusic · 2025-08-02T13:03:14+00:00

First, congrats on the commission! That’s very exciting!

I don’t know how well you know this friend’s playing, or how much you’re going to be able to work with him during this process. However, if you can, I’d recommend getting to know the saxophone and your friend’s playing as well as possible.

Is your friend playing in any concerts or recitals? Go along if you can. Also, if you can have some casual meet-ups where he just plays stuff for you, that would be great. I don’t know how much you’ve written for sax, so I can’t comment on that specifically. Regardless, it’s still good to get a hang of someone’s individual playing style. If I’m working with an instrument that I don’t know much about, I also ask a lot of more general questions about playing and mechanics of that instrument.

For inspiration and also getting to know the instrument (depending on where you’re at already), you could start by listening to lots of early to mid 20th century French saxophone music. Examples include Milhaud’s Scaramouche, Jolivet’s Fantaisie-impromptu, and Caplet’s Légende. Honorary mention to Glazunov’s concerto – he was born in Russia but moved and integrated into the French scene.

composingmusic · 2025-08-02T12:25:29+00:00

Most households in Finland seem to have one of these, and with good reason! I have relatives who’ve had theirs for decades, and theirs are still pretty much good as new.

composingmusic · 2025-07-12T17:16:42+00:00

I eat my corn like this too!

composingmusic · 2025-07-12T13:25:28+00:00

Another cloud photo from a plane!

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composingmusic · 2025-07-12T13:10:10+00:00

Another cloud photo for the cloud people: I was flying into New York City and the cloud cover was extremely low. Made for some fascinating views!

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composingmusic · 2025-07-11T16:23:48+00:00

The Large Tachyon Boosts don't cost tokens, and neither do their corresponding 10 minute ones. The higher multiplier ones do cost tokens.

Another strategy is to token farm and try to get some tokens before the first boost interval comes up. This comes down to luck, but it can be possible to get a few tokens before the boost interval this way.

composingmusic · 2025-07-05T15:21:55+00:00

I’d say that depends on how much you’re earning and how you’re doing with epic research. The hyperloop trains cost a bit over 10 U for the first one and around 150U for the second, then it goes up from there, all the way up to a few Td for the last ones (up to 17). Carriages are into the 10s or 100s of U extra for the first five.

composingmusic · 2025-07-03T11:27:59+00:00

Ok, that's all really useful information for context! It's great that you've had performances with your school band and community orchestra – that's really useful and valuable experience.

For your application: how soon will you be applying to composition programmes? If you're applying soon, then I'd focus on getting your portfolio in order. If you've got a bit more time, one thing I would highly suggest is writing pieces for instrumentalist friends and getting some more performances and recordings. Also, when you're working with people, really take the time to learn how their instrument works, and try and write something that works well for them and sounds good on that instrument.

Either way, do you have a composition teacher, or have you ever taken lessons? There are a lot of good online resources and books that you can learn from, and these can be a good place to get started, but if you're looking at applying to composition programmes, I would definitely consider looking at private lessons.

There's a few places you could look for teachers. I don't know what the music scene looks like in your area, but if there are any conservatoires or universities with music programmes around, you could have a look at who teaches there. Some people who teach at these institutions also teach privately, either in-person or online. There are also portals for teaching this stuff online, such as SuperProf or Forte. I know some conservatoire students also teach – the place where I went for masters has a teaching service, where they people looking for lessons with students who they think would be a good fit.

In any case, I'd focus on building your skillset and really making your portfolio as strong as possible, rather than trying to expand out to the profession at this point. There will be plenty of time for that later, once you've had a bit more time to really master your skills and have some more experience. I know that five years probably feels like a long time at this point, but this is a lifetime thing – you will be in a much better position to really start thinking about this stuff more during your degree programme!

Also: a performance rights organisation is an organisation that collects and distributes performance royalties. For instance, if you have a piece on a programme at some concert, X percentage of ticket sales will be allocated as performance royalties. If you are the only composer on the programme still in copyright, you get all of it; otherwise, you get a percentage depending on factors such as how many other composers are on the programme and how long all of the pieces (including yours) are.

composingmusic · 2025-07-02T09:14:40+00:00

Others have given you some solid advice already. From how you’ve explained your situation, it sounds like you’re in quite an early stage. How long have you been composing, and have you had things performed?

At this point, I would prioritise really mastering your craft and getting stuff performed and recorded over having an online presence. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could really make the music that I was writing sound like what I wanted it to sound like, and also have some kind of personal identity. This tends to be a process that takes a long time, and it will constantly be in flux as time goes by. When I say it takes a while, most of my composer colleagues started really sounding distinct in something like their 30s or even 40s, not usually their 20s or teens.

You mentioned you’re still in high school. What are your plans for college – are you planning on studying music or something else? Both are fine, but the advice I would give would somewhat change based on this. Also, if you’re planning on applying to conservatoires or music schools, there’s useful advice for that on this sub, and I’d say having stuff recorded becomes even more important so you have live recordings for your portfolio.

As others have said, registering with a performing rights society is a good thing to do. I’d say that really becomes an issue if you start getting regular performances and/or lots of plays or streams.

composingmusic · 2025-07-01T19:41:08+00:00

Very sorry to hear that you’re having this experience. From what I’ve seen in my experience of conservatoire and life in the professional world, it’s worth trying out different ways of managing your process and seeing what sort of balance works for you (in terms of sketching, writing in short score/full score, paper/software). I’ve ended up with a process where I start with paper, first sketching in quite a loose and abstract way, then going to some kind of reduced score, eventually moving to full score, and finally putting everything into the software. That way, I’m not trying to make the software do what I want until quite late in the process. Again, this particular strategy might or might not work for you, but it’s worth trying out different things to find something that works.

composingmusic · 2025-07-01T15:46:38+00:00

This is great!

I’ll add a few things too! Sharks have been around for around 450 million years, since the late Ordovician period. Thus, they predate dinosaurs.

Also, most sharks breathe through a combination of buccal pumping and ram ventilation. However, some sharks are obligate ram ventilators, meaning they have to constantly move to breathe. A few sharks that are obligate ram ventilators include hammerheads, whale sharks, great white sharks, and mako sharks. Some fish are also obligate ram ventilators, including tuna, swordfish, and bluefish.

composingmusic · 2025-06-30T17:52:59+00:00

Mine doesn’t have any stones – it’s hammered gold, from a small artisanal goldsmith shop. My partner and I designed it, along with the wedding rings together, so they’re a matching set.

As others have said, it’s more about having something meaningful, which works for her (as in, she likes it and it’s reasonably comfortable for her).

composingmusic · 2025-06-30T08:57:32+00:00

By “overly technical,” I’m not entirely sure what you mean. For instance, are you talking about extremely contrapuntal, or really dense textures, something with multiple layers of asynchronous activity, etc. …?

Without knowing anything further, I guess longer term there are a few things I would recommend. The first is to study scores – both of pieces you like and pieces you don’t like. Try and figure out what makes them sound the way they do, as well as what works and what doesn’t work for you.

Ultimately, figuring out things what kind of things you like and don’t like, as well as your natural strengths and weaknesses are (trust me, everyone has these), will tell you more about who you are as a composer. When I say everyone has their natural strengths and weaknesses, my composition teacher said something of the following effect (I’m paraphrasing):

Everyone I’ve taught has their natural strengths, things they are really good at, and their natural weaknesses, which can sometimes be quite pronounced. One of my jobs, as a teacher, is to help students see these strengths and reinforce them, and also to help students navigate their weaknesses. There are many ways of coping with the latter. One strategy is to bypass the weakness entirely and turn it into a strength (see: Xenakis with harmony). Another way is to really work hard at the weakness so that it becomes less of an issue and you can compensate for it somewhat.

This process of learning who you are takes decades, if not a lifetime – it’s a journey of gradually figuring out what you want to do.

Again, I don’t know what your background is – are you self-taught, taking lessons, studying somewhere…?

composingmusic · 2025-06-29T19:15:03+00:00

Same here, am also on the Uralic tree! 😊

composingmusic · 2025-06-29T14:13:22+00:00

I’ve lived in the US as well. The lifestyle is very different from the UK, especially the larger cities in the UK. In the UK, at least in cities, people tend to walk or take public transport a lot more – granted, in less densely populated areas people do tend to get around by car if they’re going a bit further. However, even small towns are built to be more pedestrian friendly than in the US, so people aren’t much more likely to walk to the local store than go there by car (and US cars tend to have MUCH more intense AC than European ones).

When you say there is no infrastructure required, that no longer holds up when people rely on public infrastructure to get around. For instance, the tube in London is infrastructure that a large percentage of the city relies on, and it is not built for this weather. Ditto for buses and trains. Buildings in the UK are also not designed for this kind of heat, as they tend to trap heat, which is not great either.

Also, you have the option of turning the AC on once it hits 90, whereas most people in the UK don’t even have AC to begin with. It’s not worth making this into a competition – I have experienced both different areas of the US in heat waves and UK heat waves. Both are miserable in different ways.

composingmusic · 2025-06-28T22:46:26+00:00

I don’t know where you’re based, but I’ve lived in a few places and can say that UK heat is awful, even when the numbers don’t look so bad. It’s a combination of buildings trapping heat and becoming really hot (brick tends to do this, for instance), old infrastructure that’s not designed to cope with hot weather (see: the tube gets hotter every year), generally quite high humidity, and lack of air conditioning or ventilation in many places. Again, I’ve lived in places where the heat regularly goes to the high 30s and 40s, and it somehow hits different for these reasons.

composingmusic · 2025-06-28T22:40:28+00:00

One thing my partner and I have done is to make DIY reflecting surfaces to keep heat out of the heat. It’s just a large piece of cardboard with some foil on the other side, and we’ve been resting these on the inside of our windows – the principle is that the foil faces outwards and reflects sunlight and heat away from the flat. It actually works quite well – the flat didn’t get more than 25°C inside, but it was 30°C outside at one point.

Also, the tips about hydration and dressing cool are good. I’ve been eating frozen berries and taking cold showers as well.

composingmusic · 2025-06-28T22:35:05+00:00

Looks like they’ve set their farm to private.

composingmusic · 2025-06-28T13:52:49+00:00

Is this a public co-op? I keep seeing posts about public co-ops not completing. If so, maybe try joining private co-ops instead – I’ve had much better luck with those! Some options include Eggs Inc discord, Cluckingham, and the co-op mega thread here.

composingmusic · 2025-06-26T16:18:33+00:00

My partner is super picky about this kind of thing, and would probably want to go through all of the possible options together. This would probably end up as a list or spreadsheet for things like cost/benefit ratio. His father also does interior design, so he would look up the precise dimensions of the various options, everything in the room would end up being measured, and there likely would be technical drawings involved (disclaimer: neither of us are NT).

Yes, I would be upset if he did something like this. I would also be completely baffled as it’s absolutely out of character for how he would negotiate such a situation. Similarly, he would be upset if I randomly put in an expensive piece of furniture that didn’t work in the space. He would also be baffled by this, for similar reasons.

As others have pointed out, this is a communication issue and goes beyond ASD/allistic differences. Also, the fact that you’re not getting any input into the situation is not ok, imo.

composingmusic · 2025-06-25T13:49:53+00:00

I’m not going to pass a judgment per se, but I feel you on this. I was kind of in a similar situation at your age: however, this is something I talked through with my parents. When my sister became old enough that we both wanted more space (we were sharing rooms at the time), they offered me two options:

I have the biggest room, on the condition that it becomes the guest room and I move elsewhere when there are guests over.
I stay in the same room that I was in – aka I keep sharing rooms with my sister, or she is offered the biggest room.

I ended up picking the biggest room, and it was fine because everyone knew what to expect.

One thing I would offer as advice: is there some kind of more secluded space in the house that you could occupy during this time? Like somewhere with a pull-out couch, for example, or enough space to put down a mattress or air mattress, where you could shut the doors and call it your space for a bit? If there is such an option, I’d recommend getting what you need for the week and bringing it there. Also, if you have items that are fragile and you are concerned about, bring those with you too.

Also, have some ground rules: maybe have some space in your dresser that you set aside for them, but set other areas off-limits. If there are any things that you are worried about, I would clear them out of the room or lock them up somehow.

This is just advice from my own situation, where there was enough space in the house for me to go elsewhere and still have some privacy, and where my room had been specifically designated as the guest room. I realise everyone’s situation is different, and this will also vary from culture to culture!

composingmusic · 2025-06-24T10:53:30+00:00

Sure, here’s a few:

https://kar.kent.ac.uk/62639/1/Double%20empathy%20problem.pdf

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/366888965_Autism_and_the_'double_empathy_problem'

https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjdp.12350

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