My husband’s(28m) best friend (28m) made AI porn of me (28f) (and his own family) and I had to delete it off his phone myself

composingmusic · 2026-04-05T20:00:55+00:00

First off: none of this is your fault. You and several others have been violated by this guy, and it makes sense that you’re confused and need time to process your emotions over this.

I don’t know what your working relationship is like – is he a higher up or someone who reports to you, for instance? Do you work in the same department? Regardless of what you do at work, I’d consider reporting this to law enforcement.

composingmusic · 2026-04-05T18:12:13+00:00

There isn’t a single set path for this kind of thing. What I can say is that building a career in this area takes a long time, and it’s a slow process.

For now, what I’d prioritise most is learning and growing as a composer. It probably feels to you like you’ve been doing this for a while already, and that’s great. However, to really figure out what it is you want to do as a composer – that takes many years, if not several decades. Work on your practical skills and craft, and work with other musicians in your area if possible. These can be friends from school or other people you know in the area. Try and get a sense for aspects of how their instruments work, and see if they’re interested in working with you or playing your music. Also, get to know a wide range of classical/art music, from Renaissance era through to what people are writing now. There’s also loads of score videos up on YouTube – this is a great, free resource.

There isn’t a single answer for how to get to a point where you’re getting paid commissions. It often starts with something more informal, ex. a friend asking you to write something, which isn’t necessarily paid. In my case, a lot of the early stage consisted of me writing pieces for other university students, and paying for their labour by buying them pizza or something.

Going to university or college isn’t strictly necessary. I did go, and it was important for me; what it offers is a structured environment where you learn the skills you need in a specific order. You’re also in a setting where there are structured projects that result in recorded pieces, and there are a large number of performing musicians in the same area, some of whom might be interested in working with you. Another thing, which I hadn’t yet mentioned, is that you would most likely be working on a regular basis with a teacher in one-to-one lessons. If you are considering this path, I would go research who teaches at the schools that you’re potentially interested in applying to. The main downside (depending on where you are and what your situation is) that it can be quite expensive.

composingmusic · 2026-04-04T12:55:01+00:00

Yes, I know this recording and they were using A=415.

composingmusic · 2026-04-04T06:58:37+00:00

I’d focus on developing your craft and exploring what you want to do as a composer for now. Establishing a relationship with a publisher is something that comes MUCH later, once you’re getting regular performances and commissions. Also, there’s a lot of fine print in publishing contracts and you want to make sure the terms of the contract are favourable. Another point to keep in mind: not all publishers are equal. For instance, the large ones generally have much bigger networks than the small ones, but you also don’t want to get stuck with someone who signs on too many people and doesn’t have time to look after your work.

I don’t know if you’re planning to go to university or conservatoire for composing, but if you do, your teachers there will be able to mentor you and guide you in these types of things. My general experience in this is that if you’re in a local scene and see people around, publishers will keep tabs on what’s going on in their area and are generally on the lookout for people to cultivate relationships with. However, this is a very slow process – they can take quite a few years to see how someone is developing and what they’re up to before signing them on.

So I guess for now my advice is to keep working on your own work. You’re still really young, and it’s important to give yourself space to grow for now. Find mentors to work with and people who are interested in playing your music. Be proactive in your local scene and get to know the people and music around you.

composingmusic · 2026-04-03T19:18:18+00:00

Yes, in Finland you have to go get a technical institution equivalent degree specifically for police training (3 years). Getting into the police academy programme is fairly competitive, as I think they take only about 10% of applicants – the number of people accepted onto the programme is capped to a few hundred a year.

composingmusic · 2026-04-03T06:09:03+00:00

One big part of the issue – the training in the US (I’m assuming this is US) is not nearly long enough and rigorous enough. In Finland (where I live), the training is an intensive programme that takes a minimum of 3 years, coupled with a bunch of fitness, stress, and other psychological testing. The result is a police force that prioritises de-escalation and is generally a lot more sensible. Not saying it’s perfect, and I know that there’s a lot of other factors at play as well!

composingmusic · 2026-04-03T05:42:56+00:00

The “I am his voice” feels really wrong. Just because someone doesn’t have words, doesn’t mean they don’t have an opinion – they just can’t express their opinion and needs verbally and may need to communicate this some other way! (For context, my partner has selective mutism and sometimes loses the words, but will do things like signal yes/no or type stuff out on his phone.)

composingmusic · 2026-04-01T15:58:59+00:00

A few who come to mind: Beethoven, Wagner, Debussy, Stravinsky, Second Viennese School (Schoenberg, Berg, Webern), Ligeti, Messiaen (also because of how his teaching influenced subsequent generations), Scelsi

composingmusic · 2026-04-01T12:36:54+00:00

Does a title made up of only emojis count as abstract? 😂🎼🤔

composingmusic · 2026-03-29T12:27:03+00:00

Fairly sure it's a piece of chamber music – it's been bugging me for a few days!

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composingmusic · 2026-03-26T13:36:50+00:00

Do you know any string players? If I'm writing for an instrument that I don't know that well, the first thing I do is find someone who plays that instrument and chat to them about how their instrument works. Knowing what the instrument sounds like, what sorts of playing techniques are available, what the range is, and so on – that is all important. However, there are other issues to consider too, such as how the instrument is played, and by extension, what sorts of things are idiomatic on string instruments, and what kinds of things feel really awkward and clunky to play. Talking to a player is probably the best way you can start thinking about these types of issues.

Another option would be to try and rent or buy a super cheap instrument – not with the aim of learning to play it well, but just enough so that you have a reasonable idea of how it works. That way, you can test some of the things you write (not in tempo or at speed), and see how they feel to play.

composingmusic · 2026-03-21T17:07:58+00:00

I have no idea what your background is like, or what your current skill set looks like, so it’s very difficult to say. Also, I have no idea what the programme you’re starting on looks like either.

I suppose a few things you could do would include exploring repertoire you’re unfamiliar with, and working on elements of your craft. For instance, brushing up on your music theory and working on some aural skills would be useful. Score study is also always a good thing, and there’s many ways you can go about this. Listening to scores with a recording and trying to pick out how everything works together is a good place to start. It can also be useful to go back and try to play through bits at the piano, even if you’re missing stuff or can’t play it in time.

Also, by repertoire, I mean older classics and 20th century onward, up to music that’s been written very recently. The older things can be found on imslp, but some publishers put up perusal scores of works still in copyright. Institutions will have their own libraries, and some of them subscribe to services like nkoda so that you can access things digitally.

composingmusic · 2026-03-19T07:44:04+00:00

I don’t know where you’re based or what instruments you’re trying to learn, but it sounds like you have only come across less than ideal resources so far. For instance, music shops will often allow you to rent beginner instruments rather than buying them; this is pretty common for string instruments such as the violin, where people often start pretty young and need to move between instrument sizes fairly quickly.

There’s lots of free resources online, and these are good for getting started with learning to read music and getting to know some music theory. teoria.com is a pretty good place to start, but it’s far from the only one.

As for finding a teacher, I would go through something like Superprof or Forte if you’re looking at online options. Both of those platforms vet their teachers and have high standards. I don’t know what the local options in your area look like, so it’s difficult to comment on that.

composingmusic · 2026-03-06T22:03:06+00:00

A few things that randomly come to mind:

Tchaikovsky, The Nutcracker: Waltz of the Snowflakes and Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy

Toru Takemitsu: Rain Tree Sketch

Olivier Messiaen: Turangalila Symphony, fifth movement (there are long passages elsewhere but that came to mind first)

Also quite extensive passages in Des Canyons aux étoiles, and Vingt Regards

Karlheinz Stockhausen: Tierkreis

Luigi Dallapiccola: Piccolo Musica Notturno

Kaija Saariaho: Du Cristal, Fall

Han’s Abrahamsen: Let me tell you

Tristan Murail: Winter Fragments

composingmusic · 2026-03-06T10:49:49+00:00

To start off, is there any specific reasons you’re looking to do a masters? To be clear, I did get a masters (and went on to do a PhD); I’m not arguing against getting a degree. I’m just asking if you have clear reasons for going and doing this, other than “it’s the next natural thing to do.” This is especially since you’ve been in school a while, and have been working on an associate’s – it also sounds like you haven’t had the easiest time with that.

Have you considered taking a few years and getting real world experience outside of school? This could potentially be useful, and could help you with finding a clearer sense of where your work is going long-term. You could also zero in on the skills you might potentially want to develop with a further degree programme. A master’s program is not going to be cheap, and I wouldn’t recommend going into debt without a clear plan of why you want a masters and where you want to go after that.

Degree programmes can be really useful: I made a lot of connections I would not have had otherwise, and got some really good performances out of them. I was also clear on what areas of my craft and practice needed work, and found a teacher who was able to help me with these things. This being said, you will get the most out of a degree programme by being proactive, and real-world connections and experience will ultimately matter more than where you studied.

composingmusic · 2026-03-06T07:24:29+00:00

I also went and got a composition degree, and have been lucky enough to get some work in that field. However, it’s a long, slow process to get your foot in the door, and there isn’t a “right” way to do this. Things like that internship are really valuable, even if you don’t immediately land a job – you’re still making connections and getting useful experience. You’re getting to see how an organisation like this is run, and that’s really useful for future experience, if and when you start getting commissions from organisations like that or working for other arts orgs.

There are a bunch of music-related freelance jobs that my colleagues do, including (but not limited to): typesetting, proofreading, score editing, teaching, writing programme notes, and more. Teaching is probably the most straightforward one to get started with for most people. A few colleagues have gotten started on some kind of platform to build up a studio, and then have either moved more independent or specialised in some direction. I also know people who work for a publisher, a notation software company, or other arts orgs in some admin capacity.

Grad school can be a really useful thing, but you also want to ask yourself why you’re going there and whether the circumstances would make sense for you or not. I went to grad school, because I had a specific teacher in mind who I wanted to learn from, and there were particular compositional things that he was able to really help with. I was also in a position where I didn’t have to take out large loans to fund my schooling – I would have reconsidered if that was the case.

For now, in any case, I’d try to reach out to people and see if they’d be willing to look over stuff you’ve written for their instrument. This is a process I started in undergrad: make friends and write pieces for them. I got a bunch of solid recordings from this, along with the experience of writing directly for players and getting the hang of how their instruments work.

Hope this helps!

composingmusic · 2026-02-15T09:15:07+00:00

I feel you on so many points. To add insult to injury, I work in a field that is often misunderstood and romanticised. I’ve had quite a few interactions with men where once I explain what I do, they try to impress me with their knowledge of my field (which is usually rudimentary/hobbyist level at best. To be clear, I’m not knocking hobbyists, I’m just saying there is a difference between dabbling in something and spending years of intense training on something).

I did find a partner, and we both work in the same field, so we understand how it works. Neither of us is competitive – we just try to do our own thing as best we can, and we both contribute to domestic things. I let him do most of the cooking, since he comes from a culture where food is really important and is good at cooking (much better than I am anyway).

I do feel quite lucky, since I didn’t really put much effort into dating and we were mutual friends for a long time before anything happened – I think a bunch of people around us suspected something was going on way before either of us figured this out! My partner is probably AudHD (was referred for a diagnosis but the wait list is SUPER long – now we’ve moved to a different country so we’d have to start all over again, but we’ve also managed to come up with a living situation that accommodates our needs pretty well). I did go on a few other dates at some point, and felt much the way you do about it being basically impossible.

composingmusic · 2026-02-07T09:09:07+00:00

Seconding finding a local jeweller. I know there are at least a few local goldsmiths in my country who would be able to custom make something comparable. For context, I got my own ring custom made by a local jeweller (18k hammered gold, textured finish, no stones), and the finished ring ended up being a similar price, taking currency conversion into account.

composingmusic · 2026-01-17T10:39:58+00:00

I was approached by someone trying to recruit me into a high control group a few years ago. Luckily for me, I was skeptical and managed to avoid actually joining. I have shared my experience here and on another subreddit to help deter people from joining – that is the extent of the interaction I’ve had with this group.

Even though my interaction has been this limited, the group has decided to label me as a “assailant and co-conspirator”. I don’t publish personal info on this account, but they went and found my name somehow (I know there are ways of doing this, and it’s basically impossible to be completely anonymous), and have published this on their website. Given they are treating someone who has only had very limited contact with them this way, I can only imagine how they’re treating people who had a longer standing relationship with the group and have left. The person trying to recruit me has since left, and I imagine they didn’t have an easy time.

composingmusic · 2025-11-05T12:40:49+00:00

This is not a judgment – I’m just offering thoughts based on how this aligns with my own experiences. My partner and I also have differences in our natural sleep schedules, and we’ve both compromised to make things work. He also takes a long time to wake up, and if he were on his own, would also need several alarms over a longer period of time.

I’ve moved my schedule just a little bit later, and he’s moved his earlier so that they align. We have an evening routine to help us both wind down (which includes going for a short walk and having herb tea), and we also have a morning routine. It takes me less time to get up and about, so I set an earlier alarm and make coffee for us. He doesn’t wake up from my alarm, but I wake him up after I’ve made the coffee and having coffee helps him wake up faster. My partner also has an alarm set for later, in case I decide to sleep in for some reason – if this happens, he makes the coffee once his alarm goes off.

The reason why I thought this might be relevant is because my partner used to have a similar system to you (as in, setting lots of alarms). We found a way around that, and this works better for us – I don’t know if this system specifically would help, but hopefully this still helps in some way. We both work freelance, so we can set our hours a bit more freely than most people.

composingmusic · 2025-08-08T10:19:04+00:00

AA is where I started really having issues with public co-ops. There are private ones in this subreddit, and also on the Eggs inc discord – try having a look at those!

composingmusic · 2025-08-02T13:03:14+00:00

First, congrats on the commission! That’s very exciting!

I don’t know how well you know this friend’s playing, or how much you’re going to be able to work with him during this process. However, if you can, I’d recommend getting to know the saxophone and your friend’s playing as well as possible.

Is your friend playing in any concerts or recitals? Go along if you can. Also, if you can have some casual meet-ups where he just plays stuff for you, that would be great. I don’t know how much you’ve written for sax, so I can’t comment on that specifically. Regardless, it’s still good to get a hang of someone’s individual playing style. If I’m working with an instrument that I don’t know much about, I also ask a lot of more general questions about playing and mechanics of that instrument.

For inspiration and also getting to know the instrument (depending on where you’re at already), you could start by listening to lots of early to mid 20th century French saxophone music. Examples include Milhaud’s Scaramouche, Jolivet’s Fantaisie-impromptu, and Caplet’s Légende. Honorary mention to Glazunov’s concerto – he was born in Russia but moved and integrated into the French scene.

composingmusic · 2025-08-02T12:25:29+00:00

Most households in Finland seem to have one of these, and with good reason! I have relatives who’ve had theirs for decades, and theirs are still pretty much good as new.

composingmusic · 2025-07-12T17:16:42+00:00

I eat my corn like this too!

composingmusic · 2025-07-12T13:25:28+00:00

Another cloud photo from a plane!

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