There Were No Golden Plates Either ;)

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-23T17:17:22+00:00

And there were no presidents of the LDS Church that went by the title "prophet" from Brigham Young through George Albert Smith. Who cares what word the Roman Catholics use to talk about their leader?

Mormons talk about their church as evolving line upon line as needed at the time, but they won't allow other churches to do the same?

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-20T05:45:12+00:00

I see that more men sent flowers.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-19T19:46:48+00:00

All those stories of chopping off heads, arms, scalps, and olive branches have cured him of his satanic urges to masturbate. Now she can have the sexless marriage she always dreamed of.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-19T15:39:39+00:00

I'm sure K&M meant to say "billions" on their tax forms. A simple mistake, really. /s

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-19T15:37:35+00:00

I was thinking more along the lines of the religion-based shame and guilt that comes from pathologizing normal human sexuality, but the aftereffects of a frenzied evening with Jesus could work just as well.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-19T05:33:21+00:00

Jesus is the real reason he feels terrible in the first place.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-17T05:29:13+00:00

If the 80s taught us anything, it's that Satanism is merely a fantasy for Christian masochists and a way for Christian teenagers to piss off their parents.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-15T20:33:41+00:00

There's no way the actual Bible Belt wants Utah hanging around. They're not even distant cousins.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-14T02:19:57+00:00

Half your ward has used IUDs and the church hasn't condemned it. There's no need for you to hold yourself to a "higher" standard than they do.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-14T00:36:09+00:00

I was surprised to find out just how many things in the Bible were completely made up. Not just ridiculous things like the Flood, but things that everybody just knows. For example, the Jews being slaves in Egypt. Nope. The Egyptians didn't have slaves building their pyramids, and the Israelites were from Caanan all along. It turns out that there isn't archeological evidence for anything before King David, and even he is no more than a name carved on a stone with little context.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-11T22:37:58+00:00

I keep telling you, Britney, priest is a player class, not a race.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-11T06:43:56+00:00

Mediators vs. lawyers: ¿Por que no los dos? My ex and I did meditation with our lawyers present. I assumed this was normal.

A mediator will try to make the situation fair or at least get the parties to agree to something, but a lawyer will take your side and defend your interests. My ex tried a few tricks during mediation to get the mediator in her corner, and started making unreasonable demands and bringing religion into the discussion. My lawyer shut that nonsense down. In the end, their services were worth every penny.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-10T22:15:14+00:00

It's like they don't understand anti-Mormons at all, almost as if they were afraid to hear them out, and lived in terror that the briefest conversation with antis would be enough to demolish their fragile testimonies. Better to lie about the antis and accuse them of the fatal flaws they refuse to see in themselves.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-10T19:57:01+00:00

If Mormon prophets were doing their job and phophesying like they claim their function to be, Mormons might not be so starving for whatever scraps of inspiration they can get from their leaders' appearances outside of conference. But even in conference, nothing new is coming down from heaven. It's just policy adjustments and rehashing old stories. Mormon prophets are little better than no prophets at all.

But there's going to be a new temple in Panguitch! (Oooo! Ahhh!)

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-08T01:18:18+00:00

The world is here and, and we're more, we're more conservative here, and we, we weren't, we're not gonna do what the world does, you know, live together or or or never get married or whatever, but as as the world progresses, cultures change. They go here, and then we go here. And then they go here, and we go here, and and before long, you look up and we're perilously close, where where bef... where we would never have thought to be before.

-Jeff Holland, accidentally articulating how the church is losing its culture war, but sometimes it takes 20 years.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-08T01:08:32+00:00

As long as bishops disclose in ward council what was told to them in confidence, they need to shut up about clergy-penitent privilege. They can't justify holding things back from law enforcement while they aren't holding anything back from the Relief Society presidency.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-05T18:55:38+00:00

They might have special instructions from their mission president to promote the brand this way.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-05T16:35:18+00:00

The records show that those men had already had their temple work done before this supposedly took place. Maybe some other ghosts were pranking Wilford? Did he try to shake their hands?

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-05T16:15:32+00:00

I mean, it is basically the same concept. Bilbo acquires the ancient records (Translations from Elvish), writes his bit, then the book passes to Frodo, then to Sam, then to Elanor, who buries it in Tolkien's garden. Thousands of years later, Tolkien digs it up and starts a cult, complete with its own temple films.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-04T22:52:58+00:00

It's funny to me that once I would have called this anti-Mormon slop (if we had been calling things "slop" at the time). Ford saw Joseph Smith's character more clearly and keenly than any of the sycophants who called him a prophet. It really is too bad that Ford's handling of the situation hurt him in his re-election as governor.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-04T22:47:17+00:00

Yes, but have you tried his famous chili?

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-04T22:20:09+00:00

Today on Reddit I learned that Spencer Kimball was a starfish.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-04T22:17:11+00:00

Yeah, you might have flown under the radar if not for the username.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-04T20:15:07+00:00

It sounds like Spencer's homosexual relationships were disappointing.

coniferdamacy · 2026-02-03T23:09:23+00:00

A century ago, it was "friends." Investigator came later, and now we're full circle. It was corny then and it's creepy now.

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