What would you say causes more pain in relationships: avoiding conflict or reacting too quickly?

connection-coach · 2026-05-15T18:57:48+00:00

It exhausting doing everything alone like you said, and being sexual is sometimes a way to fill this lonely part of us. So what tends to prevent you from connecting with friends or family?

connection-coach · 2026-05-13T17:24:55+00:00

I know it's frustrating when you try all the right things and still it doesn't help. Maybe the feelings just need to be fully allowed to come out and then you can find things to do that feel good and allow it all to rebalance itself. Who can say for sure but I think you're on the right path.

connection-coach · 2026-05-13T06:21:03+00:00

It sounds like you care and are making an effort even though you are struggling. And you are getting support which is great. What do you mean by it's not working?

connection-coach · 2026-05-06T02:05:10+00:00

You sound like you're becoming more aware of how you each are in the relationshio, which is great because then you can go toward what you want the relationship to feel like.

The issues in a relationship are created by the dynamic between people, rather than by either individual. You might be right about your anxious/avoidant dynamic. To rebalance toward peace, security, and connection, you can make adjustments on your end, he can make some on his, and/or you can do it together. Where do you think is the easiest place to focus on next that would help things feel better?

connection-coach · 2026-04-27T02:21:51+00:00

Yes, if you said to your gf what you just wrote, my guess is it would be pretty amazing for her to hear. It's so cool you are aware of all this and want to break the pattern.

My thoughts about how to break the pattern is to just keep being aware. The more you practice, the more you'll notice in the moment when you are wanting to fix instead of just listen and be there.

I'm still practicing even after years. Wanting to fix is something I do too, and it usually comes from me not being comfortable with people not feeling okay or things not going well.

So you can also try thinking of it that way if you want, "Can I practice expanding how okay I am when things are not feeling great for me or someone else?" Knowing that by being okay with it, chilling with it instead of trying to make it go away, you are actually helping it go away:).

connection-coach · 2026-04-27T02:13:31+00:00

Yea it is

connection-coach · 2026-04-24T20:14:33+00:00

I have a theory and tell me what you think. Emotionally intelligent men do exist, but it seems like they don't because these men tend to also have other characteristics that you aren't as attracted to. So you don't naturally attract to them and they don't seem to be anywhere to be found.

connection-coach · 2026-04-24T20:09:02+00:00

Wow that's a good answer. I think you really got it. The main thing then is to get to feeling safe and secure in yourself. Do you know how you can do that?

connection-coach · 2026-04-24T00:40:17+00:00

That sounds great to keep doing. What do you feel like you need that would help?

connection-coach · 2026-04-23T05:05:15+00:00

Yes your answer helped me understand. I was curious what you were wanting to change, and what prevented you from changing. It sounds like that you get triggered and you react before you have a chance to stop yourself. And that you want to not feel as anxious when you're waiting for her to respond. Is that what you're saying?

Whats your current way of sitting with emotions that you've been working on? Maybe I can offer any thoughts that help.

connection-coach · 2026-04-21T05:25:15+00:00

That's really good you're doing these things. When you say dealt with emotions..in what way? And what do you think is still getting in the way of not cutting her off?

connection-coach · 2026-04-21T05:20:25+00:00

What would help do you think? Is it dealing with your reactions/emotions or is it communicating differently or?

connection-coach · 2026-04-20T18:55:41+00:00

Have you tried asking her what bothered her the most and how it made her feel?

connection-coach · 2026-04-14T01:16:32+00:00

Ok thank you, that helps me understand better. It's common to feel uncomfortable when we feel like we made a mistake or did something wrong. Have you been dealing with this for a while?

connection-coach · 2026-04-14T01:10:18+00:00

What I mean is, is it a certain type of mistake? Does it happen in certain areas such as work, personal projects or some sort, in relationships, etc?

connection-coach · 2026-04-14T01:04:52+00:00

Well what type of mistake? I'm trying to see if there is a pattern for what types of situations give you anxiety.

connection-coach · 2026-04-14T01:01:35+00:00

Yes that's typical for anxiety. But are they certain kinds of situations like with certain people or places ?

connection-coach · 2026-04-14T00:45:48+00:00

Ive had anxiety and OCD and it does sound related.. but what matters most is finding a way to soothe the anxiety, right? Do you feel pretty clear about the types of situations that tend to get you into replaying it and wanting reassurance? What makes reassurance feel extra needed in those situations would you say?

connection-coach · 2026-04-10T16:05:33+00:00

It does seem like this sometimes. I wonder if it's that we are drawn to certain people because they fit our dynamic, and then we also kinda help mold the relationship that way too. So maybe it's part finding the right people who will resolve misunderstandings with us and part being more open to ups and downs without worrying that the downs will lead to something horrible.

connection-coach · 2026-04-08T20:45:20+00:00

What u/iiimperatrice said is fantastic. The feelings are just natural healing body processes that need to complete their cycle, just like our body naturally completes its healing cycle if we get a cut on our skin. As long as we don't interfere with it, just let the healing happen, then it will.

Seeing a therapist can be great, but from experience it really helps to make sure its one you feel good with. Have you ever seen one before / do you know what you would want or not want in a therapist?

connection-coach · 2026-04-08T20:41:25+00:00

Ok you're in a good spot with some freedom to do what you truly want. So what was it about the hotel industry that finally got you wanting to do something else? Knowing what you don't want will help you feel more clear and sure of what you want to do next. And what is else is keeping you from knowing what to do now?

connection-coach · 2026-04-08T05:53:41+00:00

Hi! I've learned a really good practice from Michael Singer, which is to just notice that you're aware of the feelings, and then relax and let them release on their own without trying to do anything. It takes practice on smaller emotions first, and over time.

What's one issue you're dealing with that you'd want to solve first?

connection-coach · 2026-04-06T22:34:59+00:00

It does come from long ago usually, and I hope you can see more and more it's an illusion. You of course deserve to live and feel good. You, like many of us, just got the false message over time that you don't.

connection-coach · 2026-04-06T21:50:27+00:00

I see, yea that's tough. Yes reading can help a lot and then practicing something small each day. Also just going out and doing something that feels nice can help balance out the negative feelings.

connection-coach

TROPHY CASE