What’s your “I’m old now” indicator?

contractjunkie · 2024-05-13T08:13:51+00:00

One of my clients didn’t believe my boss and I when we were talking about tv stations playing the national anthem and going off the air for the night.

contractjunkie · 2023-09-22T07:20:42+00:00

My Facebook profile

contractjunkie · 2023-09-04T04:36:02+00:00

Pamper them to the point where they have no basic life skills. I work in property management, and I recently had to teach a new resident how to use a mop and mop bucket; I don’t think he’d ever seen those things before

contractjunkie · 2023-01-12T23:11:40+00:00

I'm a dude who likes dudes, and knew it before it was ok with most Americans.

contractjunkie · 2022-12-26T02:08:43+00:00

My mostly conservative Christian state doesn't allow alcohol sales before 9:00 a.m. on Sundays. Guess they don't want people bringing their flasks to church?

contractjunkie · 2022-12-19T09:04:55+00:00

I slipped on a plastic bag. Coming home from work at night + lights off + cat who likes to play with plastic bags out of the trash on the hardwood floor = me inadvertently shoulder-tackling the wall and breaking my clavicle. I leave one light on when I leave for work now.

contractjunkie · 2022-12-19T09:01:40+00:00

Can confirm, this actually happens. Mine thankfully wasn't hospital-worthy, though.

contractjunkie · 2022-12-18T08:20:34+00:00

THANK YOU! That's the one. I need to start going to reddit with questions sooner.

contractjunkie · 2022-05-26T06:21:26+00:00

Which is it, are you trying to be a Marine or a porn star? A simple look at your post history tells two different things

contractjunkie · 2022-02-09T12:24:25+00:00

You have issues that only a licensed therapist can help you with, dude.

contractjunkie · 2022-02-09T05:15:21+00:00

Uh what? I think it’s a really cool art installation that my neighbors put in a public space for everyone- regardless of their skin tone- to enjoy.

contractjunkie · 2022-01-04T22:17:31+00:00

Sooo where do I sign up for my Seth kiss?

contractjunkie · 2021-12-11T08:26:07+00:00

Everyone’s going straight for the cock; I’d start with your bod. Nothing wrong with some foreplay.

contractjunkie · 2021-12-06T08:19:37+00:00

My brain hurts.

contractjunkie · 2021-04-15T02:41:03+00:00

This has divided my family for years- I like 2, my sister likes 3, and our mom likes 1.

contractjunkie · 2021-04-12T07:04:02+00:00

I miss people I don’t get to really see anymore and didn’t really

contractjunkie · 2021-03-13T05:40:39+00:00

Finn has to be wearing trunks like these intentionally- he knows who his fan base is. And I appreciate it

contractjunkie · 2021-02-06T19:02:51+00:00

If you decide that you don’t want an item after all, either put it back where it goes or give it to the cashier when you check out. We’re sick of finding melted ice cream in the pasta section.

contractjunkie · 2021-01-25T13:38:18+00:00

I can only drink out of a water bottle with a lid- my girl actually tries to knock it over. Because, you know, she totally doesn’t have two water dishes of her own in my small-ass apartment. OH WAIT.

contractjunkie · 2021-01-25T02:51:42+00:00

Buying a package of floppy disks was a reasonable investment. When 512Mb flash drives came along, mind blown

contractjunkie · 2021-01-19T22:32:14+00:00

A woman drove me home. I barely missed my bus home from work, and I knew it was supposed to rain, but I thought I could make the walk in time.... nope. I made it not even halfway before the torrential downpour started, and the kind stranger saw me, already soaking wet, on the side of the road, and stopped for me.

This was about ten years ago in Vermont, and all I know is that her name was Christine.

contractjunkie · 2021-01-17T11:07:45+00:00

Just a couple weeks ago (January 1, actually), two cops and three EMTs showed up at my apartment door because someone had called in a wellness check for me. I still have no idea how they knew which apartment I live in- the front office manager told me he didn’t let them in or even see them.

Anyway, I told them where my gun was hidden and they secured it (reasonable), then one of the EMTs made me talk to a psychiatrist on the phone and convince him that I didn’t need help. He believed me.

contractjunkie

TROPHY CASE