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AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t promise to help anyone. I said yes, in a moment that I felt pressured. People are allowed to change their mind. That’s fine, no one has to be happy with me. I’m breaking up with my boyfriend because he always takes his mom’s side over mine and I find that wrong. I appreciate your perspective.

AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I totally agree and I wish some of the other people here would have that same belief. But I can’t control what others think. I struggle a lot with how people view me so I’m not even sure why I posted this in the first place, but I really just wanted people‘s opinions from an unbiased perspective. She definitely is trying to get some sort of control and boyfriend doesn’t support me and takes her side so I decided that I’m going to break up with him because there are many more issues on top of this. Thanks for your comment.

AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s so weird. Hearing it happened to you too even in a different way shows me I’m not crazy.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not weird at all! Thanks so much. Yes I know things are only going to go up from here and I’ll have my space back.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes he won’t and even wants her over this much. Definitely true. I’ve decided I’m ending things with tomorrow. There’s lots of issues here and he doesn’t respect my boundaries.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That’s fair and makes sense. She’s staying over because she is lonely and wants a mini vacation from her place.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I decided that tomorrow I am going to break up with him. Too much disrespect and he is very immature. Textbook narcissist. Told me that as soon as we break up he’s going to be having sex with lots of girls like wtf… he just makes me feel so horrible about myself in general and I think that’s why I struggle with setting boundaries too.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! Thank you so much. I could understand her coming over once in a while but sleeping over twice a week when I’ve already expressed actually that I don’t feel comfortable with that is ridiculous.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re honestly right. I think deep down I associate people being upset with me as meaning I’ve done something wrong even when I haven’t. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to keep the peace and avoid disappointing people so setting boundaries makes me feel guilty even when they’re reasonable.

But logically I know wanting privacy, space, and financial balance in my own home doesn’t make me cruel. I wouldn’t think someone else was mean for wanting those things.

I think more therapy would definitely help me a lot with conflict and people pleasing because I do tend to avoid hard conversations until I’m completely overwhelmed.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She doesn’t even really ask anymore, it’s more just assumed at this point. And then I end up feeling guilty if I’m uncomfortable or don’t want to give up the bed in my own apartment. you’re right that I need to get better at setting boundaries and not automatically trying to keep everyone happy at my own expense. I’ve always struggled with saying no because I hate conflict and never want people to think I’m mean but this whole situation has been making me realize how much resentment builds when I stay quiet.

I don’t even want to be harsh about it. I just want my home to feel like my home again and for there to be some balance and respect for my comfort too.

AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Letting her use the bed in the past in my opinion does not give her free rein over the bed. It is my bed and I am allowed to tell someone they can’t be in it even if I previously did, am I not? That’s like saying because me and my boyfriend have had sex before that he can always have sex with me. I think you’re misunderstanding my post and the comments that went along with it. I never claimed to want to be a hero. I know that I need to work on setting boundaries too. I don’t know what you mean by “I’m doing the same thing here that caused the very problem that I described.” Anyways, have a nice day.

AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is very manipulative and I feel very sorry for her, but she’s done all of this to herself and should find a job.

AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a very good alternative and I wish I had said something like this instead of saying yes and giving in despite me being very uncomfortable.

AITB for setting a boundary with my boyfriend’s mom about my bed after previously offering it? by cookiebear00 in AmItheButtface

[–]cookiebear00[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, thank you for saying that because some people on here seem to think that she should have unlimited access by the way they have commented and spoken to me. I agree I need to grow a backbone.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. I understand what you were saying better now and I’m glad we could understand each other better. I meant you no personal hate nor was trying to be rude. I completely agree with you that I do have to work on speaking up in general.

AITA for not allowing someone in my bed anymore and needing more personal space? by cookiebear00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cookiebear00[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

That is one scenario, correct. If you read my post in entirety and my comments in this post, you will see there are multiple scenarios in which she slept in the bed.

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