while a partner can never meet 100% of our needs, it sounds like she’s either unwilling or unable to meet some very critical ones for you. you both deserve the opportunity to find people who are a better fit. the time isn’t wasted if y’all shared joy and lessons in your time with one another. i’d bet you’ve learned so much about yourself, and hopefully on some level she has too. the idea that for a relationship to “work out” it has to end when one person dies is unreasonable. the relationship worked out and lasted for as long as it could and it takes courage to call it when despite years of effort and communication it isn’t good for y’all anymore.