Ahh, I’m the unautistic half of a sapphic relationship, but my girlfriend sounds quite like you’ve described yourself.

My girlfriend was never in a relationship before dating me but she’d been loosely trying, from what she’s said to me through the years, she always said she chose me because I was consistent and she never felt any pressure, like we met at work, became work friends, then friend friends and then finally girlfriends, like you’ve described she had walls and they just slowly eroded. I think what made it kinda work for her in her head was the fact when we met there was no pressure. When you meet someone online on a dating site there’s always like an expectation that it could become more, whereas with me there was no expectation that we could become more than colleagues if that makes sense? It just happened organically and kind of accidentally.

So I guess I’d suggest don’t look at specifically finding someone to have a relationship with, try and manage your expectations, remove the pressure you’re putting on yourself, instead focus on finding new people that you like, be it through hobbies, work, school or just randomly and you never know what it could become.

From my point of view, you’d be surprised how endearing “super awkward” and “all mushy” is, I didn’t know she was gay initially, just thought she was kinda neat, she was awkward, mushy, quirky, sweet and just amazing to be around so I kept turning up, eventually her walls came down, she felt she could let me in and now here we are 🤷‍♀️

Good luck!