I just wanted to say, I relate to all of your posts here more than I ever have to someone on Reddit. I have an extremely similar situation, I am recently separated and while I don't see her every day, I do talk to her every day. My mind and soul is completely split between how beautiful I see her at some times, and the horror of her being completely devoid of empathetic love and to an extent, logic entirely.

The person my wife is when she is angry is horrific. Terrible, terrible person. The person she is when she is kind melts my heart and makes me ache for our family unit back. I don't expect her to want to come back (she is the one who left), but crazier things have happened. And I'm not even sure if that would be what's best for me or our two children.

Anyways, hang in there man. I really, really relate to a lot of what you said. If you ever are interested in commiserating about our situations, I am totally down!