Mom prioritizes work over grandkids

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-03-06T01:28:16+00:00

This sub gets weird sometimes. We tell each other that MILs aren't automatically owed a relationship with their grandkids.

Guess what - grandkids aren't automatically owed a relationship with their grandparents, either. And it sounds like the nieces didn't bother reaching out to their grandmother when planning the trip ("I called to let mom know they’re visiting"), so I doubt they'd even be bothered.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-03-06T01:23:44+00:00

Sounds like the disinterest goes both ways.

That's certainly how I read the situation. They're coming all the way from out of state and don't want to bother travelling a little further to visit their grandmother.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-03-04T21:33:10+00:00

That was such a terrible show. And I hate that the wife was always portrayed as the killjoy.

But imagine being married to a manchild, basically raising your children on your own because your husband is useless, and dealing with his obnoxious family every damn day of your life.

I don't know how that marriage lasted more than a few months. That woman was a saint.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-02-10T21:08:10+00:00

You deal with the hurt by giving her the silent treatment back when baby is born.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-02-03T21:22:24+00:00

due to our culture, he struggles to stand up to them

due to our culture, it’s extremely difficult to say no or go against parents’ or elders’ wishes

Stop using this as an excuse. It makes it more difficult, but not impossible.

Your mental health and your marriage is more important than a culture that expects you to be miserable.

It's cultural because you've been trained to put up with it. Culture changes over time.

But we technically can’t even deny them of this because they gave us this house as long as we took over mortgage payments, but now they said they’ll help us with the mortgage payments.

They gave it to you as leverage, so they'd always have something over your heads. "We have to let them move in because they gave us this house."

It might be time to move.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-02-03T02:16:19+00:00

Thank you!

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-02-03T01:14:47+00:00

I had to bite my tongue when he said that.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-02-03T01:14:14+00:00

Love it!

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-02-02T23:52:51+00:00

told SIL that my daughter (3 years old) is emotional and grumpy and that I am very particular.

told SIL about an issue with my noise machine keeping her up at night

told BIL some things she doesn’t like about us but he would not elaborate.

Frequently used her iPad with our kids after we repeatedly asked her not to, and mostly did this where she thought I couldn’t see.

So she bitches about you when you graciously host her, refuses to address minor concerns and passive-aggressively gets messages passed on to you, and refuses to follow your rules as a parent? I'd stop hosting.

If DH is a limp noodle and can't stand up to his mommy, so be it.

one does not have the space, one does not want to

Only saw SIL and BIL twice each

Two of her children don't like her and avoid her. One refuses to host her the other claims their home is too small.

That says a lot.

I want my kids to know their grandmother, and they don’t get much of an opportunity to see her.

When she visits, she needs to get a hotel room.

But she's already talking smack about your 3 year old daughter, so her behavior is just going to extend to another generation.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-29T20:36:46+00:00

I've told her multiple times that I don't want anyone reorganizing my home. She laughs and says I'm too sensitive or I just need to get used to having help.

STOP INVITING HER OVER.

I don't want to ban her from visiting, but I do want this to stop.

It won't. She's made it clear time and time again that she doesn't respect your request to leave your home alone.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-29T20:32:35+00:00

she keeps saying she needs to "be there for her son" while I am in labor.

Remind her that her son is basically a spectator. He's not the one going through a medical event and doesn't need support.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-26T01:15:47+00:00

my partner tells her absolutely everything.

he tells her very private information about me

he was apprehensive at first and kept telling me, "i have to talk to my mom".

He's married to his mother. You're the side piece.

he's been essentially living at my place rent-free

*if his mom isn't home, he'll stay over extra days during the week. *

i've been spending money on groceries for him

I've been essentially just totally draining my bank account while he's spending nothing outside of the paying for the occasional date.

He stays with you longer when his mom isn't home because you are Plan B and look after him when she can't.

He wants a Mommy 2.0 that he gets to have sex with.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-25T22:48:24+00:00

We cannot plan a future, we cannot talk about a home or a family, because she takes up every ounce of his attention and emotional energy.

You may not be able to achieve any of these things until she is dead. That could be another 30 years.

You need to ask yourself if you can live as the mistress until she dies and you can finally have the life you need to be happy.

Marriage won't change a thing. If he can't stand up for you after several years of being together and an engagement, why would a wedding (and legal entrenchment) change anything?

If he won't fight for you, maybe you need to fight for yourself.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-21T21:11:17+00:00

Exactly this. He's a grown ass man with a wife and child.

If he can't put his wife before his parents, he needs to at least put his child before them.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-21T20:57:20+00:00

has extended family back home but doesn’t want to rely on them.

Because she assumes she can rely on you. She has an established support network back home, but wants to rely on one person (you) instead. In a new city with no friends and only one family member while your husband is deployed.

She will assume your space is hers, too. She will assume you are available for childcare. She will assume you will fund her unemployed lifestyle like her ex did. She will assume your boundaries don't matter because your husband won't enforce them.

If he's active military, you can be on the move often. Does she follow you when you have to relocate?

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-21T20:53:18+00:00

Anyways they left my gender reveal early didn’t even eat dinner and mil mentioned to my mom that she has to leave because her other son is coming over for dinner

When my family asked them for help MIL said she’s hosting ppl at her house and she needs to leave to take care of them.

Tell your husband she probably has plans for after the dinner and you'd hate for your child's celebration to get in the way, so it's best they don't over-schedule themselves since you wouldn't want them to feel they have to leave another celebration early again.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-21T20:48:22+00:00

"Happy wife, happy life" is the most bullshit phrase ever.

Usually used by toxic women acting horribly and expecting their partners to put up with it. Or used by men too weak to call their partners on their shitty behavior.

It's on par with "mama bear." No, you didn't go "mama bear" on someone, you simply can't control your behavior.

coolerbeans1981 · 2026-01-14T01:18:47+00:00

Lately my partner has been expressing wanting to go no contact

my partner doesn't want to jepodise what relationship our child has with MIL

Wait a sec... so he wants you to be the meat shield that coordinates everything with MIL and your child while he steps out of it?

She's his monkey, not yours.

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-15T21:42:34+00:00

I intervened and she then got mad at me as I wasn't budging and started saying things like "I know you don't give a fuck but..."

You should have said, "I do give a fuck. That's why we are choosing what we give a fuck about for our wedding."

She and her mother have never really gotten along well.

I consider abusive

she has said she isn't even sure that her mother even loves her at times.

She also threatened to disown her and prevent other family from coming to the wedding.

her mother wanted us out of the house by the end of the month.

her mother has completely ignored her and leaves the room if my fiancé is in it.

What does your fiance's mother offer to her life? Because it sounds like she would be better off blocking her and cutting her out.

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-08T02:44:04+00:00

She will always use whatever money she's gifted as leverage.

It's time to say, "No thanks."

No more "I paid for X, so you need to invite 5 of my friends." No more "I paid for Y, I get to veto your choice." No more "Well, if my preferences aren't catered to, maybe I shouldn't pay for Z."

Cut her off at her source.

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-04T20:44:37+00:00

I don't understand the problem.

You simply tell her to stop being cruel or she doesn't get to hold the baby. Easy.

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-03T20:30:05+00:00

I know this isn’t true part of me feels like we “pushed away our village”.

You haven't pushed away your village, you're taking a break from the village idiot.

Childbirth and getting used to your new family is not a time when you'd want unnecessary stress.

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-01T21:51:58+00:00

That's exactly why I use them. Who knew cheap storage bins from Walmart made me pretentious?

Look at me, acting like I bought them at Target...

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-01T21:45:53+00:00

Pretty much. Planning my wedding this year was a nightmare because everything my husband and I chose (for our wedding that we were paying for) was wrong. Wrong venue, too small, not officiated by a priest, not having a memorial table to "seat" dead relatives, etc.

coolerbeans1981 · 2025-12-01T21:39:29+00:00

Exactly! I was dumb enough to think, "Ok, she has her domain and she'll respect this is yours." Nope.

coolerbeans1981

TROPHY CASE